Struggle against dysphoria

[FireWolf]

Where to begin... I think I've just so accustomed to having it that it just doesn't seem there anymore. I mean that as in, have I become used to it so much that it doesn't bother me anymore? Or have I just gone completely nuts?

I still feel dysphoria, but only when it really kicks in, like when I space out. I'll be thinking of one thing, and no matter how many others come to mind, being trans is always the last and the one that sucks the most. I'll think about how I should have breasts, but don't. If I had breasts, would they be small or big? Either or wouldn't bother me, but the fact that I don't is what makes me feel bad. Another one is have the proper genitalia. I don't particularly hate having a penis, but I know I'm supposed to have a vagina. I don't dwell on that one for long because I get depressed really fast and my friends will notice. A good friend of mine will joke around with me and she'll end up just saying "at least I have a vagina" jokingly. It doesn't bother me so much as she does and that she's only playing around, but after a while it starts to sink in.

Writing this tonight, the dysphoria targeted something that bothered me, but on a much smaller scale compared to the others. While writing this in the tub after a long day of snowboarding on a lake (towed by a ski-doo), I decided to take a bath because I haven't in years and decided I was in dire need of one. So as I hoped in and turned on the tunes, logged in to the site, I took a moment to just lay here. My mistake. My body is so hairy and it's starting to disgust me. I plan on shaving everything in a few months (April or June) when I either visit my boyfriend on the other side of the country, or when I move in with him only months after I visit. Should I just do it now and get it over with? I know it's all up to me, but lately I haven't been able to attempt anything for transitioning. I'm trying to work up the courage to do something about it, but it can be very difficult. What do you suggest I do?

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, what are things you can do to transition without going to therapy or anything like that. I already do my nails, trying eyeliner Monday, but besides that I don't know what to do. What do you guys think I should try? I'm up for literally anything

Rachel

[J-Sada]

ahhh I can definitely relate to all of this. I especially hate when I'm having a good day, doing something fun, like snowboarding, and then it's right back where it was, staring me in the face.

I shave everything except forearms. I just did it today and I feel AMAZING. Try using a beard trimmer with an adjustable length guard for *delicate* areas. Not as close as razors, but a lot less nicks.

Also. I put makeup on whenever I go out. Not enough to notice. Foundation, some concealer, a touch of mascara, a few dabs of light pink lipstick. Nobody ever says anything or even looks at me funny. (Makeup quality makes a big difference though.) It's really more about giving me the confidence to go out into the world. Sometimes, if I'm lying around the house, feeling terrible, a good makeover really boosts my spirit.

Wearing women's underwear is helpful too. Just don't get anything TOO tight, because, you know.

[Ms Grace]

My body is so hairy and it's starting to disgust me. I plan on shaving everything in a few months (April or June) when I either visit my boyfriend on the other side of the country, or when I move in with him only months after I visit. Should I just do it now and get it over with?

I'd actually recommend a body wax instead - yes it's painful and you have to pay someone to do it but the effects are awesome and last longer than a shave which will be regrowing and itchy within a few days.

I know it's all up to me, but lately I haven't been able to attempt anything for transitioning. I'm trying to work up the courage to do something about it, but it can be very difficult. What do you suggest I do?

You say you are trying to work up the courage, what do you think is the fear that is holding you back? I'd suggest chatting with a therapist to try and see if you can't figure out some positive steps.

[Amoré]

Hi FireWolf

I have been shaving my body hair from that it started growing in puberty it helped me. I also got my ears pierced. I wear my hear a little bit longer and want to grow it out. What I would suggest is speak to a therapist find what works for you not all people need to go all the way. You do what is right for you!

hugs - Amoray