(Tl;dr: Allow me to introduce myself – 40s MTF from New England in the very early stages of a transition plan. Looking forward to meeting you all, and becoming a part of the community.)
Hello everyone,
I've been lurking about the site a bit for the past few months, and thought it was time to create an account and join the community. I've already learned a great deal here, and hopefully in time I'll be able to share something that may be of help to someone else.
This feels like a strange introduction, since I'm intentionally omitting a lot of details about myself (or more correctly, I'm typing them, and then going back and deleting them). At the moment I'm not yet out to anyone but a very small handful of people: my wife, who thankfully is supportive, one good friend (also supportive), and my therapist, primary care doctor, and electrologist. There are a few people here and there who I feel like must suspect something is going on, but A) I'm probably just being overly self-conscious, and B) even if they do suspect something, it's probably not what I think. The clues it feels like I'm dropping seem huge to me, but to everyone else, they're probably not making huge ripples, at this point.
I guess I can say I'm MTF, in my early 40s, live in New England, and work in education. I went through a period of a couple years in the early 2000s when I saw a therapist who specialized in gender issues, joined an online and an in-person support group, and did some limited public crossdressing, but for a variety of reasons, it wasn't the time to truly transition, and I was able to put the feelings aside for a while. They never really went away, but I guess I was able to view them as a part of my past that wasn't meant to be, or something along those lines, at least until this past summer, when they returned in a more forceful way, and more importantly, I found myself in a place where I could actually begin to act on them.
Thus far, that action has been mainly in the form of creating a plan, but it's a good plan, I think anyway. I've been seeing my current therapist for a couple of months, and we're focusing pretty exclusively on transgender stuff. So far it's the most interesting and rewarding therapy experience I've ever had; I absolutely love working with her, and she's completely supportive. I had my first visit with a new primary care doctor last week, and she didn't even bat an eye when I told her, but she didn't point a couple of things I hadn't thought of, from a general health standpoint, so that was really good. I've had a couple of electrolysis appointments; we're working slowly up my neck right now. The electrologist, who's worked/is working with "lots of people who are transitioning," as she puts it, says my hair is very easy to kill (as easy or easier than trans women already on HRT, she claims, but who knows whether she's just being nice), and my skin is responding well, though it's pretty angry red after each session, which has drawn comments but no one has overtly connected lines. Hopefully we'll be able to get my face cleared relatively quickly, especially since I have such fair skin that I basically have a five o'clock shadow the minute I step out of the shower, no matter how close the shave. I've started working women's pants into my regular wardrobe, without much fanfare. I'm in contact with a local university about beginning vocal feminization therapy this spring semester.
My wife and I are trying for one more baby, and once her pregnancy is well-established and I've banked some sperm, the plan is to establish care with an endocrinologist near me who's highly regarded for HRT for trans people, and go to Dr. Arnkoff for an orchiectomy, approximately simultaneously. This would be sometime late-spring, early summer, if all goes according to plan pregnancy-wise. Somewhere over the summer I'd begin the coming out process at work, at least within my department. The full coming out and workplace transition/move to full-time female would depend to a degree on electrolysis and HRT progress/effect; also, being in education, beginnings of semesters are logical starting points for big-ticket shifts. I've been here for over a decade and am generally well known, liked, and respected, and I plan to continue here for the rest of my career, so fitting my transition into the culture of the place makes sense, though I'm torn between wanting to share the process of transition itself with my colleagues as much as possible, and wanting to make it as easy for them to accept as I can. I'm leaning toward Dr. McGinn for SRS, and would like to do that as quickly as possible, dependent on her wait time, how quickly I can move to full-time, &c. I'm looking at a few surgeons for FFS with an eye toward summer 2018, but when/whether/what/who all hinge on what effect HRT has. So, it's ambitious, but I believe achievable, though please don't hesitate to let me know if there's something glaring that I'm not considering.
Looking forward to getting to know you all in the coming days and months, and be well.
