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J-Sada:
One step at a time. Plan your future as best you can. Examine your options and keep your eyes open to shift priorities with your goal kept in focus.
My initial transition period was much as yours is now. Though an adult, I was residing at home, financially dependent upon my father, and attending college.
As much of my 'feminine protesting' tantrums that my family endured throughout my life at home, I was in no position to have made any outward act or begin my true transition under my dad's roof. I began receiving my many care-related postal correspondences at home and most days had to make a mad dash to check the mail before my dad to be certain to pull anything addressed to me as Sharon - he occasionally saw such items, frequently made rhetorical comments to me, and I frequently replied, 'Dunno'.
You wrote: 'I think "my home life is good now, why ruin that?". Yep. I, too, feared that rocking the boat would create more turmoil than enduring that barrier by waiting it out until I was financially capable of self-support. That might be your option for now; as bad as it seemed to me at that time, looking back it was not that big a deal for me. Let's hope you can endure or else find your own way out.
I had to scrimp and save all my nickles and dimes from part-time employment as a college student and post-school part-time work. I eventually found my first physician who accepted me without insurance and allowed me to pay as I could afford.
I got lucky when I later found employment that provided employer-sponsored health insurance and could better attend to my medical needs. I eventually attended to counselling at a county mental health agency and my internist - both whose 'sliding scale' allowed me to afford them on my entry-level income.
So, in my story, let's hope you have the opportunity to find counselling at such places as a county health program that will work with you. Or try your college's student health agency for counselling, a physician, and perhaps meds if that is your direction. You might qualify for your own ACA 'Obamacare' or your state's MedicAid healthcare if you apply as your own household - thus keeping off their policy and yourself private from your family's snooping into your medical privacy.
Yes, J-Sada, it will get lonely. You may lose your family and all your friends. They make their decisions and you make yours. You hope for their acceptance that may never come. You move on to people who befriend you at LGB and T groups; perhaps you can find them in your area.
The way I read your posts, your family are of little help to you as you try finding your self and seeking valid treatment. I don't read you making excessive demands on them other than to accept you.
As you examine your situation, you will realise your choices. Your family and friends will try dissuading you and to make their choices that make themselves comfortable without regard to your well-being. That is how this happens in many instances.
Our family and friends can either choose to accept us or choose to reject us; we learn to live with their choices. You are learning the cold truth about acceptance and unconditional love. I recall a song we sang at the end of our Catholic Mass many years ago titled 'Unconditional Love', yet my family failed at that small measure when it came to me. Let's hope that your family does better than most.
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