Moving Out . . . Fresh Start . . .

[gina_taylor]

Two weeks ago I went to an affordable living appartment complex and inquired and was told that they'd have an appartment available by the end of March. I told the lady that I'd be back to pick up an application. The following week, I returned to pick up an applictaion and was told that there was an appartment that had just became vacant and that it could be available for the first of March. I thought that was great! Today I returned to submit the application and was told that another appartment had become vacant and that it would be available for the end of this month, so it looks like I'll be moving out from my parents by this month instead of having to wait until the end of February!

Yesterday, my mom surprised me with a letter that I had to sign which outlined her rules that since I was moving out, which meant that I'd have more freedom to be my True Self, that when I came over to her house for whatever reason, she didn't want to see my femine self, nor did she want to  see any traces of her at work either; at least she's allowing me to remain working at her place of employment, as long as I follow the rules. So I signed her letter and I agreed to her terms. I just couldn't belive it though. The best time of my life and she has to rain on my parade with crap like this. 

Gina

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Gina, good luck with your new apartment, it will be nice being on your own.  As for your mother's house, there probably isn't any real reason to go there, is there?

I certainly wouldn't want to go someplace I wasn't welcome at.   Work is another issue, for now anyway you will have to accept her terms about that.  Do you work for her?

We take one day at a time, don't try to forward too far.  I don't know about you, but I can only handle one days problems, tomorrow will have to take care of itself.

Sarah

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Gina,

Good luck with the apartment.  As for signing that letter - not a good move.   I'm not in your position so I'm a little hesitant to say this but...

If I were you I would be looking for a new job and be telling my mom to shove her house and her job where the sun doesn't shine, and that if she wanted to see me she would have to do it under "MY" terms.  Your mom hasn't given you any form of support since you started posting here so I think that you have been very fair with her.

As I said, I'm not in your shoes but that is the way I see it.  You are going through enough stress with out having to fend off the incessant attacks from your mom.

Just my thoughts,

Steph

[stephanie_craxford]

Since the letter is already signed Stephanie, there isn't much she can do about that.  However, if she were to get another job and stop visiting her mom's house while her mom holds that letter over her head, then Gina would be the one in control.

The letter is just paper, and would only come to bare if Gina brought up an unlawful dismissal claim if she got fired by her mom for showing up to work as a woman.

She should cut out all the BS and rip up the letter in front of her mom, well maybe after she has found another job.  As I said I'm not living her life so I'm not privy to all the details, but enough is enough.

Steph

[Peggiann]

 :DLet's Celebrate!!!

It's great to hear you have made this big step. I have been reading back over your posts. I agree with Stephanie. Your MOm has given you nothing but greef. You needed to make this move. I so happy for you! Thia will be an exciting time and you need to enjoy it as much as possible.

Now thw job thing. Yes I remember to do work for your mom. Get a paper and look for another job. That can be done as soon as you get hired. You don't have to wait to be moved into the new place. Once you have the new job you can start going to work dressed as you wish. 

As for living at Mom's while you are dressing for the new job, cross that bridge when you come to it. It doesn't hurt to have a plan though, so... is there a good freind that you could stay with for a few days if the pot boils over? If so have that plan in place. Your Mom may back down when she see's she has lost control by you not working for her anymore. i8f she thinks she is loosing control and the only thread she has left is to keep her in her home for a while longer to still try to influence some change off heart for your transition she'll keep it at all cost... I'm guessing. Regardles the back up plan is in place ...we hope.

After changing jobs and moving out, you choose when to see her and when not to on your own terms. I'm not one to say burn bridges, but you don't even have the first plank to a bridge. Your Mom hasn't let you have a bridge in place.

Be Fair to yourself! Be Firm with Yourself! Be Freindly to yourself! Above and before all else. You have to look at yourself in the mirror. You have to live with yourself 24/7. Be sure how you treat your Mom is what you can live with afterwords. No cutting remarks, no disrepect. If things feel like they are getting hot then leave and go somewhere else till it calms down. Do not enter into a confrontation if it at all can be helped.

You do not want to tarnish your big day of moving into your own place and have memories of bad times leading to your knew door.

Again smiles all round 

Peggiann

[cjbutterfly]

But what right has your mother got to impose rules on your life.....none, me I'd have gone to see a solicitor to find out just what the legal position would actually be.

You are a consenting adult, and are free now to live your life the way you see fit, of course, where family is concerned there are sensitivities to take into account, but, well I don't know what the rules are where you live, but here in the UK, you'd have to be in feminine mode 24/7 in order to get transition, and as that comes in the Harry Benjamin Criteria too, under which most TS's are treated.

You talk about not being en femme, as it were, at work, but what you say implies that you, and your mother work at the same place, rather than you working for your mother, I'm not sure which way round you mean, but if it's the former, she cannot impose rules on you, at work, specially if they conflict with company policy!

[Dennis]

As far as the letter goes, it's more evidence against your mother's illegitimate reasons for dismissing you than anything else. Don't feel bound by it. A contract entered into under duress is not a valid contract.

Good luck with it and congrats on your new place.

Dennis

[beth]

Hello Gina,

             I am happy to hear you will be moving into your own place. It will make a great positive difference in your life but also expect some feelings of loneliness at times that are a natural result of living alone.

             I hope you will take lots of time and invest a lot of thought into your relationship with your mother before you make any permanent changes. At the present time it seems you are dependent on her for employment and I assume health coverage. I believe you must consider very carefully your ability to work in another environment outside your family's business and an objective look at the possibility that you can work as your true self in a job that will provide you with the income and security you need. I don't mean to imply that you must always be dependent on your mother but you must have a rational plan that will move you toward independence without the risks associated with suddenly cutting ties and burning bridges.

              I know lots of people here disagree, but we sometimes have to be pragmatic and do things we dont necessarily want to do in order to reach our goals. I  hope you will continue to cope with your mothers unrealistic demands in the short term and set goals such as, saving money, taking classes in your field to strengthen your professional position, taking on more responsibility in your current job to learn as much as you can and networking with others in your field who work in related companies. You are such a sincere dear person, those that give you a chance and get to know you will accept you as yourself, I am sure of that. When you are in a position to be independent then take that opportunity but I highly suggest you do not let your emotions put you in a situation that is worse than the current one. I know all this is lots easier for me to say than it is for you to do Gina but I hope I have helped in a small way. I wish you all the happiness and peace in your life that you certainly deserve.

beth

[Sheila]

Gina,
  Don't worry about that contract, like Dennis said, you were under the gun to sign it, so it won't hold up in court. One provision of that contract says that you won't go over to her home, no problem there the other one was you won't go to work in fem clothing, well, unless she owns the business, she has no right to say that to you. You are an employee and if you get fired, well you could sue the pants off them for discrimination and  you have a letter to prove you were going to be discriminated against. This is what I think.
Sheila

[molly]

Hi Gina:  I think it is great news about your new apartment.  I would enjoy the present moment and the new freedom you are gaining by living on your own.  There will be plenty of time to deal with contracts and a controlling mother, don't let that spoil the joy of the moment.

As others have already stated, a contract signed under duress is not worth the paper it is written on.

Continue to build your support group, have friends over for visits, decorate the apartment to reflect your taste, and keep moving forward.

Your a wonderful lady, with grace and dignity, and no one can take that away from you.

Molly

[gina_taylor]

Thanks  ladies for all of your good and supportive comments.

My parents bought the company which I am presently employed at 13 years ago, more becasue they felt that I had  a problem holding a job. With my mom there, she was able to observe me and learn why it was that I was having problems.One of those problems is that I don't focus.

Now I am very excited about moving out and starting to live on my own and being able to be my true  self, but as for transitioning, I'll have to take that a step at a time. You see the biggest problems is that if I leave my present job and go to work at another job of the same criteria, I'll have to start at a lower pay scale, and with me just moving out, it will be a lot tougher to make ends meet if I don't have the cash flow. I make very good money where I'm at right now, plus benifits. 

You know Sarah, that's a very good point that you've brought to my attention that I don't have to go to my mom's house if I don't wnat to. I've lived with her long enough, and now it's time to start living for me, and if I have to abide by her rules, than it's hardly a welcome.

That's the way I've been doing it though. One day at a time.

You've been very observant Stephanie. My mom hasn't been very supportive of me, and all I'd be doing is spiting myself more than her if I were to leave and find another job. I tried that a few months ago and I took a pay cut and the job didn't work out and I was at least able to return to my prevous employment, if  you remember.

Very good point there Melissa, about the fact that even though my mom can hold the letter over my head, that I would be the one in control. 

All that I've done by signing of the letter is said that I won't come to the office dressed as a woman or any signs of it. But there are ways around it. For the last thirteen years I've been wearing my panties, pantyhose, etc under my male clothes and she knows no different. But if I were to leave and find another job should I apply for the job as a female and transtion or should I apply for it as a male and transition?

Unfortunately with the Right To Work law here in Florida, there isn't much that would save me if I were to bring it to court.

Thanks Peggiann for your kind words. That's the last thing that I want to do with my mom is to cause so much confronattaion that she'll alienate me. So I will respect her to some point, but as said, I'm now seeking my independence.


You know CJ, I am aconsenting adult, but unfortunately there are no policies at my work, except for The Right To Work Law. I may see a solicitor and find out what my legal rights are though. Thanks for suggesting it.

Thanks Gracie. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Gain some independence for my self.Yes, my mom is very controlling, and by breaking away I think it will help me alot, and I think it will lessen her control over me. 

That's a very good point there Dennis. I like your way of thinking. I won't feel bound by the letter for like you said, it was a contract entered into under duress is not a valid contract.

Thanks Beth for your heart warming thoughts and words
Yes it will make a big difference to me finally getting out from under my  parents. Just the other day I met my best friends new girlfriend, and she's quite acceptive of me, and she asked if it's all right if they came over and hung out with me. I said "Sure." She even said that if I ever needed my nails done, she'd do them for me at no charge. 

My relationship is only bound to improve with my motherThe less time I have to spend with her, is the better 

Thanks Molly. I am going to enjoy the joy of moving out and setting up my new appartment. I'll worry about the other things later.
Thanks for your wonderful words about myself. 


You know Melissa, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't sign the letter.  I t could have lead into some problems, but who knows?

I will definately keep my chin up

Gina

[Shelley]

Hi Gina,

Time to focus on the positive. You will be able to set the rules in your new place and enjoy your own space. I wish you well in the move and look forward to watching you blossum in a more positive atmosphere.

Shelley

[gina_taylor]

Thanks Shelly for your inspirational words.

I will be focusing only on the positive things now, and yes I will  be  able to set my own rules and enjoy my own space as I blossum in a more positive atmosphere. 

Gina

[gina_taylor]

I just got a call from the appartment complex today and I've been approved for a one bedroom apartment and I'll be moving in on the first of February!!!  On Monday I'll be dropping off a security for them  to hold it. I'll be counting the days to my FREEDOM and INDEPENDENCE

Gina

[Sarah Louise]

Great news Gina

[Shelley]

Great news Gina you'll have to tell us all about it. I assume you'lll still have access to the internet.

Shelley

[molly]

Congradulations Gina, I am very happy for you!

Molly

[gina_taylor]

Thanks girls for your warm congradulations. Don't worry Shelly, I'll still have acess to the Internet to keep y'all up to date on things. I'd never leave my best freinds in the dark like that. 

I was just surprised on how quick they were to get everything done for me.

Gina

[Cassandra]

Sometimes it seems like things you need to happen or want just move at a snails pace then all of a sudden you go from snail speed to Indy 500. I'm really happy for you that things are working out for you. Take care and have fun in your new place.

Cassie

[gina_taylor]

Thanks Cassie,

Yesterday I just paid the security and I'll be officially moving in on Feburary 6th. The days are slowly creeping by, but I can't wait!!!     

I'm going to have so much fun enjoying my freedom, but I'm going to have to be very descreet though, just so that others don't know. Don't want to end up disturbing others and getting evicted, if you know what I mean. 

I was recently speaking with my neuropsychologist, and he tells me that I'm one of a kind, but he does enjoy talking with me. 


Gina