Taking testosterome//unaccepting family

[Lady-Bunny]

I wish to start taking testosterone, but I am not in an accepting home. I understand that the most sensible thing to do, would be to wait, but for how much longer can I? I can't take this anymore. I hate my body; I hate how I look. I've tried changing myself, but regardless, I cannot be the perfect girl for my father. I am scared. I understand, that as his child, I should make him happy. But making him happy makes me want to kill myself. He loves is little girl too much, that it'll kill his son. I don't know what to do.

I wouldn't be putting myself in a safe-place by taking T; I wouldn't be keeping myself safe my not taking, too. My hatred for how I look and my body itself is too strong.

The only thing I guess he'd do is yell and shout, tell me I'm his child, and that if he doesn't want me taking T, then I won't (He thinks he should have 100% control over me...) possibly kick me out. What do?

[Mariah]

I don't know if you have told your parents yet or even if your comfortable doing so, but that might be the best place to start. It can give you some breathing and help you feel a bit better even if you can't start testosterone yet. Secondly maybe you can use items like binders and sports bras to help minimize your chest so as to lessen some of the body dysphoria . I hope that helps. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Lady-Bunny]

I came out to my father two years ago, he wasn't accepting at all. The idea of waiting until I move out to become myself is such a numbing idea, idk what to do...

I am thinking of starting taking it and somehow telling him, nicely, that it is my choice and that I need to so I can live happily.... thinking of that scares me tho.

[purplewuggybird]

I don't know how old you are but I know that you are not in a necessarily safe situation. I would recommend trying to find a therapist or go to a support group, both options can be done (maybe) without them knowing. Speaking of them, you only mentioned your father being a little hostile. Would your other parent be more on your level? They might be able to help you. Hang in there and stay strong,
Purple


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[m3morpho]

If you're in the US (and probably other countries as well), you can't take T without parental consent if you're a minor. And honestly, if it's not safe for you to ask, you shouldn't. Try talking to a school counselor (if you're still in school) if you think they would be accepting. Most people at least know what "transgender" means by now, with Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox and everyone else coming into the limelight. The counselor might be able to help you out with your situation.