Anyone else feel like they are someone's dirty little secret?

[LostInTime]

It seems that even my not really romantic relationships suck.  I am seriously thinking about just becoming that "crazy old lady with cats" at this point.  Pretty enough that people want to be with me, while no one else is around.  Blah.

[Kimberly]

Look at them and smile...

Really though, they should have a choice in what they do, I think, so I try and keep that in mind. ... and I smile because I know what they are missing and are too blind to see.

Nonetheless it is nice to know that not everyone is blind and for what it is worth, I normally do not find those special people among the masses.

I am exceedingly choosy about who I let get close. I suppose not surprisingly that has contributed to being alone most of my life, still, I don't feel like anyone's dirty little secret so I guess that is good

Perhaps it also helps that I am an exotic flavor, I do not expect to be to everyone's cup of tea...

Hang in there, those worth keeping around are sometimes few and far between but they are out there...

[Dersi]

I always have been my mom's dirty secret...

Meaning she has denied my existance (I dont live with her) and also, has told she doesnt had any son (actually she doenst heheh) she has two daugthers, but now...

Well, get my point?

[Melissa]

I work for my Dad and he doesn't want me telling anybody at work.  So, I feel like I'm his "dirty little secret".  However, I think I will start telling people one by one, or at least people I feel comfortable with.  It just is getting too hard hiding this from everybody.  He just doesn't want people to leave because of me, but I am confident this won't be the case.

Melissa

[Shyguy]

Hi,
I'm sorry to see it must be so difficult to feel accepted (obviously not your fault). I guess if people really cares about you then it won't matter who sees you together.
Ah, if only things were that black and white...
~shyguy

[LostInTime]

I do not know what to make of how people act and react.  One ex did not like that I was so out so I agreed not to tell her friends and family that I am TS.  Others tell me what a "Hottie" I am and get all hung up on the fact that I am TS.  Some are almost like a close friend in certain circles but then when it comes time for things like a b'day party or whatever, I do not get invited.  Another friend goes from being distant to downright cuddly to being distant again.  That one is the one that mentioned that they have to remind themselves every so often that I am TS.

Right now I just roll with the punches but it does get me down from time to time.  I would very much like to meet someone nice and actually date.  Well this week anyway.  Next week I will be back to, "Dating?  Me?  Don't think so.  Too much hassle and I hate mind games."

[stephanie]

I am my parent's and oldest sister's dirty little secret.  On more than one occasion they have reminded me that they consider me to be a failure and my father especially does not want to even think about my "situation."  He claims his attitude is to protect me from the rest of the world, but really I know that he just can't handle the thought of losing his only son.

My oldest sister, who has a family of four kids (oldest is 15 I think) doesn't talk about it with me, but during social gatherings she'll bring up "other people" that she's met who happen to exhibit similar traits and how wrong she feels it is.  Maybe the rest of the people there are clueless, but I know that she's talking about me and she knows how painful it is for me.

[Sheila]

I think I'm the black sheep of the family. I don't think that my mom talks about me to others, even though she accepts me. I know that my wifes family really doesn't want anything to do with me. She can come and visit if she wants, but not me and we have been married for over 36 years. I don't make friends very well, in fact I don't have any real friends only work associates. I never get invitied anywhere. I think that while growing up, I missed out on the socialization process. I never liked what the guys were doing so never got involved, I always like what the girls were doing, but they didn't want me around. So I was a loner, not by choice. I also was forced to be the man of the family. I made choices for my family at age 10. I was the oldest and kept the family intact. I was the secret all my life.
Sheila

[LostInTime]

Well I found out the friend was someone who might be a bit more.  Plus I did get invited out and got to learn a bit about his business and clientelle recently and that was a lot of fun.  My emotions have been all over lately and that probably has a lot to do with it.

[Northern Jane]

My adopted Mom was emotionally abusive (not just to me but also to my sister) and I was a constant source of embarasment to her. She was (is) a VERY superficial and shallow person, always more concerned with status and social rank than with the health and happiness of her kids. My unavoidable expressions of femininity were a huge flaw in her eyes and when I told her I had to have SRS or dies, she said it would be better that I killed myself.

After SRS/transition my adopted Mom refused to use my name, refused to accept or even acknowledge my "change", lied to family and neighbours about where I had gone and what had happened. She would even send letters address to my old name years after transition (until I started marking them "recipient unknown" and sending them back).

After SRS/transition (30+ years ago), my life and career both took off like a 4th of July rocket. Within a few years I was happily married, working in a really lucrative prestige job, and very high profile and respected in the community.

I always delighted in the fact that my adopted Mom would LOVE to have bragged about me to everyone but she couldn't without accepting "the real me". It must eat at her something terrible. GOOD!