Galaxy, I don't visit Susan's as often as I used to these days, but I have read a lot of your posts and I know how much you've struggled with dysphoria. When I opened this thread and read your post, I just felt sick to the point I had to press the back button before I went any further. I don't know what you are thinking about doing, but please believe me when I say it's not worth it.
I never felt the much dysphoria before I started to transition, probably because I had put myself in such a complete state of denial that it has taken me years to sort through all the mental baggage I accumulated. But when it hit, it hit hard, and I felt like it would be easier just to give up so many times. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like it made no difference, and I started to think there was no point in trying anymore. What really changed my perspective, is when I realized allowing myself to struggle and be miserable is just senseless. No amount of suffering has ever accomplished anything, and no matter how badly you want to give in and let your negative feelings take over, you can't let them. If you do, then you'll lose your ability to be rational, and you'll keep running yourself around in circles without ever going anywhere.
I read that recently you had your SRS and were experiencing some side effects from stopping Androcur. I wanted to tell you that the same kind of thing happened to me. I think that there is an adjustment period some people go through after stopping Androcur where they are hyper sensitive to androgens. The levels don't even seem to matter. I've even searched and found a lot of other posts by people saying they had issues stopping Androcur after SRS, so I am convinced this is a real thing, and I think people need to be more aware of it rather than just stopping Androcur cold turkey. I ended up going back on a half dose for a long time, and I also started taking bioidentical progesterone which has anti-androgenic properties. Then about a month ago I started experimenting by skipping days with Androcur, and now I am off it completely, and I still feel way better than when I tried going cold turkey after my surgery.
If you haven't been feeling quite right lately, it's not just in your head, and it will get better with time. So please, don't give up now after coming this far already. Being transgender sucks. It just does, and sometimes it can find new ways to suck just when you least expect it. But you can beat this if you keep trying. I know it's possible and I really hope you're willing to believe me.
