Is Having No Friends Really All That Bad?

[Tristyn]

Today I have cut ties with the only person I thought I could call "friend," because he also does not understand what being transgender means. I guess not many people do. But I feel like he pretends nothing is the matter. I know the world does not revolve around me and that I am a meaningless spec of dirt. Yes, and no one can tell me otherwise and I do not expect you to try to because I have a very nihilistic way of thinking. I am a very stoic, cynical and misanthropic person. It is only natural for me to be, given all of the "unfortunate" stereotypes from unchanging identities I have been cursed to live with for the remainder of my life.

Anyways, this person was literally my only friend and yet he has no concept of things like "living in two genders" or "living in the wrong body." Him of all people, I expected more support from. I did not expect him to keep calling me "her" and "she," instead of correctly calling me "him" and "he." Every time I think its ok to talk about it cause I don't have my therapist to talk to right now until our next appointment on January 8th next year, this person does not respond or will change the subject. His wife also treats me like a freak and I do not know her very well, so I am very uncomfortable around her even though they've been married for a few years now, I think.

All in all, is it really that bad not having any friends? I used to want friends so much growing up because everyone else seemed to have them and were happy about it. I honestly am becoming more comfortable in solitude than in company with others. I seriously want to ask my therapist if its ok that I want to be alone, not because I have to be (which is kinda true) but because I want to be.

I no longer desire human relationships, but instead would rather have a dog as a best friend, if any. I might not even have a dog for a friend because I can become such a grouch. I just screamed at my dad's dog just now a few moments ago because she won't listen to a thing I say like humans don't. They only seem to respect eachother when they are intimidated. That's why I really like villains in movies and laugh when I see people get hurt on tv shows, I think.

Yeah. I got mental problems, ok? All of my friends live in my head...what did you expect?

Also, does that last bit really mean I could be a sociopath? The thought of human closeness makes me cringe and want to vomit every where. I think I have attachment disorder, among so many other undiagnosed illnesses of the mind. Ah, well, but isn't that what makes us human to begin with? We are so imperfect yet we strive so hard to be normal for no real reason other than a short-lived happiness that will end in about 70 years or so.

Oh well...

[Missy D]

It's a hard question to answer really!! To be fair I don't understand nihilism and gave up after like two sentences of reading about it because it didn't do anything for me personally  But then I'm not one of life's great intellectuals anyway. 

But I guess the thing is that it's neither bad nor good to have no friends? I don't know if you're looking for someone to come along and say that it's perfectly all right for you to become a recluse but the fact you've asked the question sort of suggests, or the way I read it, that you do care about the answer. I also suspect, but don't know, that you'd rather not be isolated? It's not bad to have no friends, but it might be bad for you to have no friends.

The man who kept referring to you as she doesn't sound great to be honest, but sometimes people have to be got rid of. I went through a period of being friendly with some not very nice people who treated me like their servant or personal taxi driver depending and used to create specific situations that would result in me being publically humiliated!! However I went with it because I so desperately didn't want to be on my own. You sound strong enough not to have to put up with that sort of rubbish, although that doesn't get over the fact of being alone when you might like a social life??

All I can say is that being my authentic self has led to the formation of real and proper friendships. I hope that happens to you - and you come across like that isn't going to be a problem. The other thing is sometimes you just have to be outgoing 

[FTMax]

I believe 100% that you should never waste time waiting for someone to come around to you being trans. If, after educating them if necessary, they can't get it and continually misgender or deadname me, they're done. Life is too short to put up with BS. That said, there is only one person I would call a friend that I've stopped hanging out with. He couldn't get it right after being prompted multiple times, by me and other mutual friends.

And you know what? It took not picking up the phone when he called, not responding to texts, and not inviting him over to hang out for about a month and a half before he came to his senses and apologized. We have not had any issues since.

Did I wait around for him? Nope. If someone is your friend and they value their relationship with you, they will notice your absence and wonder why. They may be able to figure that out on their own, if not, be honest when they ask.

I think it is perfectly fine to not want to be around people or have a lot of friends, if that's how you want to be. I personally like to keep my social circle small so I have more time for myself. I live with my best friend, I have a dog, and I have a girlfriend. I have a lot of people that I regularly talk to online, and friends that I'll hang out with maybe once a month or so. That's about as much as I want. You just have to figure out what works for you and what you want.

Is there a reason why you can't contact your therapist before your next appointment? Almost all of them that I have spoken to have some capacity for drop-in emergencies built into their schedules. A lot of this sounds like it would be more up the alley of a professional, and that's what he's there for.

[AnonyMs]

I don't have many friends and I while I'm happy with it I don't think having any is a good thing.

Humans are social animals and we're "made" to have friends. Having none and being ok with it sounds like depression, and that is a bad thing. I'm not saying go get some friends because it will make you feel better (I've no idea), only that its likely a symptom of something else.

[autumn08]

Hi Phoenix,


I also frequently fall into nihilism, but eventually return to existentialism, because if I were about to die, I would be sad to lose some things. For instance, even though it depresses me that we can never even approach the ideal of love, I feel the delusion of love is enough to make my life worth living.

To answer your question, if the life you want to live does not include friends, you do not need friends, but you must create your our meaning if you are to live. Some perspectives make life worth living, so here is a thought experiment to help you in that endeavor; if you learned our existence is a perpetual repetition of our life, how would you start living now?

Also, you are not a sociopath, because if you were, the television character's pain would be meaningless to you. As a result of not being a sociopath, being in tune reality, and being inextricably social, most likely any path to happiness you choose, will lead you to at least having one close friend.

[Peep]

I don't have any friends either I can make them, kind of, but not keep them. I don't actively avoid people, but because I've got no money and live in a field I don't meet many.

People are only friends with other people if it's not hard work. If they see them every day at work or school or don't live far away. At least, that's the pattern I've noticed. And if someone's not willing to work for me I'm not willing to work for them.

I get depressed about it all the time, but I try to remind myself that things change, sometimes I have friends, sometimes I don't, at the moment I've swung back to having no one. At the moment I'm doing this no-friends thing, maybe in five years' time it'll be different.

[stephaniec]

Can't really answer your question , but I haven't had friends for 40 years and counting. I have acquaintances  and I'm friendly , but never had the luck to have close friends.

[Qrachel]

Nihilism: the rejection of all religious and moral principles, often in the belief that life is meaningless.

Hi King - Rachel Here:

There appear to be some people who eschew friendship and all its trappings of association and discourse, perhaps you are one of them . . . not sure how one determines that or that one even should but you raised the question.  If you are and I'm no expert, then perhaps your question isn't about friendship so much as it is about who do you be.  Your current circumstances bear heavily on that and I'd perhaps wonder if you are reacting to them rather than your true self.  It's an inquiry worth looking into if your post suggests this is a life question fundamental to who you are.  Only you can answer that.

I have found over eight decades that with or without friends that life is meaningless; in fact, it's empty and meaningless and empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless.  All there is, is "now" and living in the past or the future only avoids the obvious juice of life (the bitter and the sweet), which is now and then now and then now . . . . .

You may not agree and that's cool; you may agree and that's cool too!  In any case, if people are showing up consistently "now" that is part of life's offering.  How you manage those transactions in the the trans-finite moment of the present is totally up to you.  Friendship is always a possibility.  You choose it or not, and whether you do or not is empty and meaningless if you are about living in the present.  Of course, that does not obliterate the wisdom and foolishness ported from the past or paid forward for the future but then without friends how would you know?

Take good care my man,

Rachel

[Archangel]

It depends.  If not having friends makes you happy, than its not all that bad.  Many people go through life without having any friends, but that doesn't mean they're recluses.  You can still have social interactions and be friendly to those around you.  I think being alone to much is unhealthy though, especially if you have mental issues (self proclaimed or otherwise).  Being alone means you're up in your own head to often (where your friends are as you put it, or as Kurt Cobain did) and that can lead to consistent negative thinking.  And who wants that?

I like keeping my everyday social circle small...but I could probably use a few more friends too.  I think the trick is to get outside of your own head, its the inward thinking that might having you feeling like you don't like having friends.  Can't speak to much about losing your "only" friend, other than he didn't sound like the kind of friend you need.

[michelleinil]

I feel your pain.  I identify more with the wives then the husbands.  Problem is I am the husband and am stuck in that presentation.

[Deborah]

It really depends on your personality type and why you have no friends.  If you are an extrovert then you find energy in being social.  In that case having no friends will raise your stress level.  On the other hand, if you're an introvert you find energy in solitary activities and social situations raise the stress level.

I'm an introvert, INFP, and am perfectly happy being by myself.  Social situations I handle well but I really don't enjoy them.  I do have friends I could call on if something really bad happened but they are not close and we really don't socialize outside of work.  For me, that's not bad at all.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Kylo]

The thing is good friends are earned rather than just found. It's not easy to just go "get one", you have to put time and effort in. And people who don't see you and spend time with you regularly have a tendency to fall away as friends, in my experience.

So if you don't have the energy and time to put into it, it's not all that bad. You can spend that on yourself instead.