On the verge of a complete shut down

[EmilyRyan]

At this point I seriously don't know what to do anymore it seems like I'm never gonna get on hormones because I can't afford the doctor visits and the blood tests and can't afford health insurance.  I can't even get myself in the position of being able to afford to transition because all the decent paying jobs around where I live require to have some degree in a major that's too hard for me and so I'm just stuck with an A.S. in general studies.  Getting into a trade isn't an option either I'm just not cut out for that type of work and frankly I don't think I'm cut out for anything because I'm just not good at anything. 

I don't know what to do anymore I seriously want to start transitioning but there's no way I'm ever gonna afford it and having transphobic parents doesn't make it any easier if they were accepting/supportive I wouldn't be making this post cause I can just use their insurance in the meantime (currently 24).  I can't take being stuck in a male body anymore I want to be as female as I possibly can but it's impossible in my situation the best I can do is dress up when my family isn't around (still having to live at home because you know financials ). 

Are there any options or am I just out of luck as usual?? Just wish I can find someone kind and compassionate enough to support me financially until I can support myself      

[Mariah]

I know it can be difficult and seem like things are never going to happen, but baby steps is the first way. An income would greatly help you right now secondly three are lost cost options for health care available and that can help you with some the trans related health costs depending on where you live. Granted I don't know much about your situation, but based what you have said that is where i would start. Sorry that your parents are not supportive. Hugs
Mariah

[Ms Grace]

Are there any options or am I just out of luck as usual??

Regrettably most of us have to make our own luck, especially when it comes to transition and finances for it.

OK, so at the moment things feel very bleak and hopeless for you, you understandably have a big focus on the negatives and the roadblocks and the seeming impossibility of it all. So what you need to do is break it all down into much, much, much smaller pieces. One step at a time, as the saying goes.

Transition will take you, usually at the bare minimum, two years and sometimes longer. The expenses you need will be spread out over that time, not congregated in one spot.

For now try to focus on how you can even begin to start paying for it and the other necessities of life. Getting a job is, I know, easier said than done but it kind of needs to be your focus if you're going to become more independent and self sufficient. Once you've got that then start saving and working on how you are going to get a better job and/or start seeing a therapist.

It's all a case of setting some short to medium term goals - at the moment everything seems like a massive jumble that needs to happen "now" and you can't even figure out which one to start. The goals and timeline take a bit of pressure out of the situation, gives you something positive to work towards and hope. Seems you need a lot of that at the moment... but you need to generate it for yourself.

[EmilyRyan]

It's just impossible for me to transition unless I can get some type of financial help and here in Tennessee that's virtually impossible.  There's no jobs here either that'll help me become financial independent either.

I hate to say but I'm never gonna transition  

[autumn08]

The first obstacle you need to overcome is hopelessness. To overcome hopeless you need to view your actions as capable of producing value, which in your situation may begin with performing menial labor. When you start viewing menial labor as facile, you will be in a better position to plan your life.

[Qrachel]

Hi:

It seems the real issue for you just now maybe picking a direction for a sustainable and independent life.  You say you aren't qualified or capable of any kind of employment.  Is there an underlying issue that you've not shared (not that you should), which prevents you from pursuing an independent life?  If so, then what are your options to deal with that matter . . . there's always options, alternatives and eventually opportunities.  We just need to be a "yes" when an opportunity shows up!  (I ask myself regularly if I'm a yes today, and if I don't like the answer I work on that immediately.)

Accepting yourself as unfit for employment is a pretty serious decision that has many, many ramifications.  If yes you are unfit as such, then you are limited to some extent but not without options and possible opportunities and thus my original question.

I've read several of your threads and can understand you are down and frustrated.  The pathway out of that situation involves getting your initiative focused on things you enjoy doing broadly and applying those interests to making an independent life for yourself.  You may fail; then try again - wash and repeat until you succeed.  Here's a secret about life:  Failing at trying to make a better life doesn't mean one has failed at life; it means the person is in the game playing.  Until one is in the game of life and willing to risk failure, one isn't living to prevail.  They are simply surviving with no no hope.  It's being in the game where life is truly at.

I find that in my life I usually have 20+ no's/failures/not now/maybe later/etc. before I get a yes (i.e. succeed).  Sooo, I'm sort of successful, 1 for 20ish may not be great but it's better than 0 for 0.  This occurs not because I'm superior at life but because I accept that no typically means not now and I'm unwilling to accept that somehow, someway I can't have a life I want.  This often means a life that is materially different than what I started out to pursue but still a life that keeps moving forward getting me closer to what I dream about as a great, great life for me.

My transition was literally the road to failure daily (I called it he||), nearly ever darned day for years I couldn't seem to get through a day w/o some screw up, until about 7 years after starting I realized I wasn't transitioning because I had already transitioned.  I had a nice place to live, a good small business, a few super friends . . .

This post may not be of any help, and I apologize if it's not . . . you are to be the judge of that.  Hopefully, it does give some perspective that few of us all that great when we get right down to it.  Instead, many, many of us have created lives we love and live fully by plugging ahead everyday - accepting no for it is and is not and moving on to the next request.  Is it tiring? Oh yah, but it also provides a framework for being ready when that 21st attempt offers an opportunity . .  AND WHOOPY!!!! 

Take good care and stay in touch,

Rachel

[Dena]

As soon as I was old enough, my parents and others had me doing many different things. It could be cleaning a house, taking care of a garden, holding wrenches while my dad worked on a car or just about anything. I learned to do many things and might be able to get jobs in a number of areas because I am willing to try anything and I am willing to start at the bottom and work my way up. My profession of computer programming was something I found in college. To find the combination of a treatment program and a well paying job, I moved 400 miles away from home. Insurance wouldn't cover my transition so cost were paid out of pocket and only money that I earned was used for the transition.

Everybody if they are determined has a skill or can develop one. You need to find yours and get any job that will allow you to exploit it and earn money. Treatment may take time and in my case, I came out of the closet at age 23 and received surgery at age 30 but it can be done if that is your goal.

[EmilyRyan]

First I just want to say I truly appreciate the advice either way.

As for overcoming my shortcomings for financial independence I just don't have a clue anymore on what I'm good at I've tried figuring out for five years now and all I've managed is to flunk out of a four year private college after attending for two years, get fired from a job after six months due to incompetence, I did manage to get an A.S. degree in general studies only because it was the easiest major and didn't require college algebra (which I failed previously), and after that I tried pursuing my passion for teaching during this fall semester resulting in me failing in both education courses despite good intentions.  I wish I can pursue a major that's in demand in the current job market but I couldn't pass any of the math and science courses required.  The only true things I can say I'm good at are history and geography but without at least a master's degree I couldn't possibly get a job.  I've mentioned before that I would be willing to try a trade but I'm nowhere near mechanically inclined. 

So I ask is there any hope for me??

     

[Archangel]

As already mentioned by Ms Grace, you need to take it easy and take baby steps.  There is hope for you if you put your mind to it.  Have you considered applying to places like a local retail stores, supermarkets, or jobs of that nature?  Anything is better than nothing at this point, and while this won't make you financially independent, it will bring in some form of financial gains and you can start to piece together your next baby step(s) toward your end goal.

When you're feeling hopeless, sometimes that first small step towards something is the hardest.  And once it happens, other steps may come easier and faster than before.

[stephaniec]

I worked most of my life as a cashier or stocker and many dead end jobs and I have enough college credits for 3 majors in math, computer and chemistry. I've had graduate courses in chemistry. My education did diddly squat for me except in personal growth and hobbies. I was the square peg trying to fit in the round hole in the educational system.

[EmilyRyan]

I have applied for those jobs for the past three years and not one chance for an interview even for the simplest low skill retail job.  Would ask them why they don't hire me but I'm afraid of that going against me.

If anyone knows of any transgender clinics in the U.S. that can provide care/hormones for free please tell me and hopefully I can make the journey I don't care if I have travel thousands of miles away.

[stephaniec]

places like McDonalds or Walmart will hire they have high turn over rates. Grocery stores have high turn over.

[EmilyRyan]

Alright say I do get a job and still can't afford to see a doctor for hormones and Tennessee doesn't have medicaid expansion under the ACA and the state's version of medicaid (TennCare) is not available for those who happen to be able bodied and single without children. 

How would I afford healthcare??   

[KarynMcD]

Have you been to one of the Tennessee Career Centers?
Talk to an advisor and do a career assessment.
http://www.sctworkforce.org/trainingprograms.htm

The center in Maury county: http://www.sctworkforce.org/maury.html

[EmilyRyan]

I have been to a Tennessee Career center and most particularly that one since I live in that county.  All I can say based on my experience is that the state needs to quit making budget cuts so the career center will be a more effective place.  Fortunately my college has a career center that's a lot better and when the next semester starts I'm gonna go more often and see what can be done.

Also if anyone lives in the Nashville area have ya ever been to the Vine Hill Community Clinic I hear there's a doctor there that does informed consent and they have a sliding scale for people in my situation.  If anybody has been there how good is their sliding scale as far as doctor visits and blood tests?? That place might be my only hope.