I went back to work today

[Cindy]

I had Christmas Day off - lovely, with the usual vicious family conflicts between my sister in law and I.

I made a lovely meal; I enjoyed doing that. I loved the sharing of my efforts and my being able to give something.

I suffered the non-subtle misgendering.

I had a cry.

I read my diary: I read about someone called Peter he was around in 2012.

Funny fellow. I think I would have liked him.

I kept logging into the site - not sure why. It's what I do.

I read the usual despair that I sadly I am getting use immune too.

Had another cry.

Decided to pray to a flower. No idea why but it was a cute flower.

I did the on-call. I gave my work staff time off. They have kids and family.

I had this lovely image of kids laughing, not sleeping, mums and dads sleepy annoyed.

Loving.

I heard the tear of paper and the destruction of carefully wrapped gifts.

I go back to the site:

I heard the tears dropping to the floor.

I must have been a bad girl/boy; Santa did not come to me.

I shudder and cannot think.

My emotions are so out of control.

Go read your diary. You were a strong man.

I do; and just see his weakness. He was never a man and never in control.

I went back to work today. i was called into the clinic.

Eight years ago I watched this young woman bounce her baby on her legs and complain as the bounces bruised her.

Eight years ago I cried as I drove my car home.

Lost in myself and just lost, tears washing my fears into my lap.

She relapsed.

I knew she would.

[Ms Grace]

Hugs, sounds like it has been a rough week. Take care of yourself, yeah?

...vicious family conflicts between my sister in law and I.

Some people...you have to wonder what their problem is.

[Cindy]

Thanks Hon,

I hate losing against AML or MM.

Sounds daft.

I take every patient I lose as a personal insult.

Dumb.

[stephaniec]

so unnecessarily sad that people can be mean.

[AnonyMs]

So many saved though, at work and here. It's wonderful that someone's strong enough to do it.

[lostcharlie]

Cindy, your a true angel walking this earth for who you are and what you do. feel better.

[Jacqueline]

Cindy,

I thinks many of us see you as a rock (that just rocks). Your posts and help to others is amazing and inspiring. Seeing you in your pain and sorrow is like realizing that a parent has pain and sorrow. There is the obvious realization that you are human too.

I wish I could help you as you have helped so many others.

With warmth,

Joanna

[BlonT]

Family yeah you got to love them , maybe she is jealous because you are such a caring person.
Sadly we are all forced to wear masks to hide ourself , because the group demand that action or behaviour.
I always made it a point to say nothing or the truth , not that people want to hear that 
So i say to everyone "never say you lied, you gave a political response"

For all may 2016 bring you only sunshine.