Greetings to all the ladies and men, I feel I should properly introduce myself with a history to my current status.
My birth name was Michael Andrew[I'd prefer not to share my last name, if you would understand.], and I am the only boy in my generation.. which makes everything worse for me. As long as I can remember I would always be playing with the girls instead of the boys, and when no one was around I'd sneak and dress in my sister's clothing and shockingly I was never caught once. I remember a specific dream that actually felt like reality, one night when I was six years old, I fell asleep then it felt as if I woke up in my sister's gown and I was an actual girl. It was shocking to me, and at first scary because it felt weird and I was only six years old at that time, but at that point I realised it was what I always wanted.
I ended up waking up at that moment, and going up till ten, I kept praying to get another chance to be a girl, but at the point of being eleven years old I finally realized it was just a dream. From the age gap of seven to ten, I went against my feelings trying to be the boy my parents wanted me to be, that failed and made me feel even worse about myself. At the age of eleven, I started doing research on my feelings of wanting to be a girl, I at first only thought I was homosexual for liking boys, and stereotypically thought all gays wanted to be women. At age thirteen I finally understood it all, so I thought and prepared to come out to my parents, however I failed to do so until I was fourteen, and to make it all worse I came out as if I was just homosexual! I was so scared and nervous that I couldn't break it to my dad and mom that the only son they had, and the only male in my whole time[my cousins are all girls..] wanted to be a girl. At the age of fourteen still, but halfway through, I finally came out properly to them. My mom took it well, but my dad just couldn't bear it.
At the age of fifteen, I went into an emotionally unstable condition with the aid of some anti-depressants my mom put me on. Unfortunately I ended up cutting near my sexual organs, and nearly putting myself into a hospital[As well as a mental institute.]. The cutting went on, and my parents shipped me off to Mississippi to live with my oldest sister, I went to school down there and only made one friend. I came back to Ohio near my birthday, and no longer cut myself or anything such as that sort [thank goodness.] I however now hold a deep hatred for my older sister now due to living with her, and what she put me through.
As for my current condition, my parents are looking into gender therapy for me, however right now they lack the money due to my other sister who has a child and is living with them.. and causing them to lose their money on a court case against my nephew's father. I currently am not on hormones [sneaking pills, that's about the worst.] I'm about 5'4" [..AND HOPING, I do not grow anymore ..
] weighting at 120 pounds. Currently in homeschooling as well, as in public schooling in Mississippi, I ended up getting bullied, and violently insulted for my status [..As being 'gay'].
I hope to make some friends, and get some good advice as to what I should do with my current/later situation.
~ Michelle
