Waiting for the miracle of painless transition

[Joan]

Hi everyone, and a very happy 2016 to you all:)

So, the new year has arrived and i guess the end of the old makes us think about what's been and what is to come. This year I turn 47.

I finally broke down in September of 2013, saw a therapist and started HRT in January of 2014. Two years of hormones, 12 sessions of laser and far too many wardrobe mistakes to mention later, I'm not necessarily passable but generally accepted when I do venture out.

I have a full time job at the same time as being a full time graduate student, as I try to secure my long-term future, so time is scarce. Keeping busy keeps my mind off my gender issues, and life is generally interesting and fulfilling.

The thing is over the holidays I've had some time for myself and I've spent three whole days out and about as Joan, and it has been great. I'm far more relaxed and it's simply wonderful to be in the world as female and be accepted as such. Now I want more.

I know that that means major upheaval, lost relationships, possible loss of employment, lowered chances of finding a new job, possibly resulting in my defaulting on my home loan and god knows what else.

What I really want is more transition to magically take place. Don't think there's much chance of that happening

So here i am. I guess it all comes down to finding the courage. Anyone know of a place online where I can buy some?

[itsApril]

Nope!  No year-end miracles available!  But it sounds like you're on track for a good start to a new year . . .
Stay strong!

[stephaniec]

don't know the answers other than it can be challenging. good luck.. A lot of pretty clothes though.

[Joan]

Hi April and Stephanie, and thanks for the words of encouragement.

There is a book called How We Are by Vincent Deary which examines in some detail the psychology of how people deal with change. It talks about how 90% of what what we do is automatic and habit, how forming new habits is difficult and takes time, and once those habits are formed they are very difficult to change.  The brain likes to work using minimum resources for maximum efficiency.

I think this sums up the difficulty of transition, especially for later transitioners. We have all these male habits we formed for movement and social interaction, clothing choices and who knows what else.  Breaking 40 years of those is a challenge, and the only way to do so is to live as a woman full time. This is what RLE is about, and why passabilty and comfort increases with hours, days and months spent in a female role.

The hard part, of course, is the early part when everything needs so much attention. I'll have to step into that at some point.

It'll be interesting to see where I am on Jan 1st 2017

[stephaniec]

once you start moving it goes faster than expected.

[Joan]

once you start moving it goes faster than expected.

I guess so. Thanks again for the words of encouragement, Stephanie.