Did she really Say that....

[LizK]

My wife is really supportive but openly admits she has difficulty with me presenting dressed in feminine attire in front of her. This has been an issue since before we were married. We agreed on a compromise that I could please myself while alone but when I was with my wife I would be dressed in male drab.

While not entirely happy with the arrangement I understand the need to move slowly to give the family time to adjust, so have been doing this for the last 6 months. I have also been slowly making changes towards a more androgynous look and establishing self care routines.

My wife picked me up from therapy today and naturally the conversation turned to the session...I told her about my frustration levels and she asked if I would dress more if she wasn't around and I said most definitely and she turned to me and said" So why don't you" I replied "because I know how uncomfortable you are with it...she turned tio me and said  "Just go for it" don't worry if I am home or not...I was very pleasantly surprised to say the least.

It took awhile to get there but I can't complain, she is simply a wonderful person who deserves the time to get her brain around this....which she has done and now we move into a new period with me presenting fulltime at home...Much to my utter delight

[Peep]

Congrats! From the title I was expecting this post to have a much less happy ending lol was getting all ready to be cross but now I'm happy for you. Dang

[BeverlyAnn]

Sarah, that's wonderful.  I remember when Miss Dee got to that point of acceptance and it was such a relief.  When Dee discovered she could tease me a little and I was OK with it, she became even more accepting.

[Elis]

Good to hear she's starting to become more accepting . I was expecting this to be an unhappy post; glad I was wrong.

[Jacqueline]

That's great Sarah. I have to approach a similar situation. Hope it continues as well and smoothly as you described.

With warmth,

Joanna

[LizK]

When we had the conversation I was expecting to have the usual outcome...no change!

SO when she casually says to me to "go for it" I'm like....

WAIT?

WHAT??

In the last week she has also told me she is no longer adverse to me wearing night ware, a nighty or similar. It has been a slow and at times painful journey to here but I can say the patience and the waiting seems to be paying off. Giving my spouse room to process what was happening and then come to terms with it on her own terms.

She has come a long way in 6 months and I am sure she has a longer still to go. I can now have 100% faith in the fact if I give her enough time she will process these things and come up with her own response. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean she isn't processing it.

In this instance slow and steady has won the race. There is something to be said for taking your time and letting your spouse get there in the own time. I suspect even if I had forced the issue I would not have arrived at this point with my wife any quicker.

Todays goal...go through my wardrobe and find something that fits...I have lost weight so everything is big and sacky...Xmass coming up so may get some clothes otherwise I can see the January sales getting a hammering

Sarah T

[BeverlyAnn]

Wait, she's come this far in six months?   That's absolutely fantastic!  With Dee it was years and I'm not talking about just a couple of years either. 

[JLT1]

When we had the conversation I was expecting to have the usual outcome...no change!

SO when she casually says to me to "go for it" I'm like....

WAIT?

WHAT??

In the last week she has also told me she is no longer adverse to me wearing night ware, a nighty or similar. It has been a slow and at times painful journey to here but I can say the patience and the waiting seems to be paying off. Giving my spouse room to process what was happening and then come to terms with it on her own terms.

She has come a long way in 6 months and I am sure she has a longer still to go. I can now have 100% faith in the fact if I give her enough time she will process these things and come up with her own response. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean she isn't processing it.

In this instance slow and steady has won the race. There is something to be said for taking your time and letting your spouse get there in the own time. I suspect even if I had forced the issue I would not have arrived at this point with my wife any quicker.

Todays goal...go through my wardrobe and find something that fits...I have lost weight so everything is big and sacky...Xmass coming up so may get some clothes otherwise I can see the January sales getting a hammering

Sarah T

That sound a lot like how I worked things through with my wife.  It took a couple years but she accepts me as Jennifer. 

Hang in there. 

Hugs

Jen

[Marienz]

When we had the conversation I was expecting to have the usual outcome...no change!

SO when she casually says to me to "go for it" I'm like....

WAIT?

WHAT??

In the last week she has also told me she is no longer adverse to me wearing night ware, a nighty or similar. It has been a slow and at times painful journey to here but I can say the patience and the waiting seems to be paying off. Giving my spouse room to process what was happening and then come to terms with it on her own terms.

She has come a long way in 6 months and I am sure she has a longer still to go. I can now have 100% faith in the fact if I give her enough time she will process these things and come up with her own response. Just because I can't see it doesn't mean she isn't processing it.

In this instance slow and steady has won the race. There is something to be said for taking your time and letting your spouse get there in the own time. I suspect even if I had forced the issue I would not have arrived at this point with my wife any quicker.

Todays goal...go through my wardrobe and find something that fits...I have lost weight so everything is big and sacky...Xmass coming up so may get some clothes otherwise I can see the January sales getting a hammering

Sarah T

That is great news Sarah:) I love hearing how SO's supportive in a transition. It's really tough on the SO as well. I'm so glad for you:) Happy Christmas.

Have a great festive season:)
Marie x

[Tessa James]

How very good to hear Sarah.  Your thoughtful and considerate pace does seem to be tailor made for your family situation and a gradual launch.

[Debra]

awww wow hopefully that's a good sign for the future

[Miril]

Elizabeth,

Great to hear that you and your wife are making such progress.   My wife has always been very supportive and for many years I have dressed freely at home and have made forays out into public (admittedly under select circumstances).  However, as I have come to learn that I am a transgendered person rather than a transvestite, we have reached somewhat of an impasse.   I would like to proceed with selected physical transitions but we have reached reached her comfort level and things like HRT are a step too far.   I am hoping that the "easy does it / no pressure" approach will work for us as well.

Congrats to you and your wife!
Miril

[LizK]

Hi Miril
That is a tough place to be. When I came out again to my wife we discussed at how far I would go and I said to her that if I felt GCS was the only thing to help me then I would eventually have the surgery but if I found a point at which I was happy prior to this then I would not need to go any further. I know for myself that the clothes are very much a prop and while yes it does form part of my gender expression, it is not the only part. Once my wife began to accept the idea that I am not really a guy then I found her beginning to understand the depth of my anguish. She knows how deep this goes in me and how long I have fought to hide it from the world and in part her as well.

The thought that my next step is HRT is all that keeps me going crazy some days... the days the dysphoria is bad I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a great abyss.

Good luck and I hope you can work it out with your wife to make the progress you need to.

Elizabeth K

[Miril]

Hello Elizabeth - It appears we have some similar circumstances and opportunities.  Let us count ourselves fortunate that are wives are working with us and making an effort to understand as that is so often not the case.   I will look forward to hearing more about your journey.

My best to you both!

Miril

[sparrow]

Elizabeth, that's just wonderful.  It took my wife a few painful years to come around.  Fortunately, she was only about 6 months behind me -- it took me a few painful years to come around for myself.  The road ahead is still long and tough... but we're out of the woods and it looks like you guys are, too. 

[LizK]

Hello Elizabeth - It appears we have some similar circumstances and opportunities.  Let us count ourselves fortunate that are wives are working with us and making an effort to understand as that is so often not the case.   I will look forward to hearing more about your journey.

My best to you both!

Miril

Amen to that!!

[LizK]

Elizabeth, that's just wonderful.  It took my wife a few painful years to come around.  Fortunately, she was only about 6 months behind me -- it took me a few painful years to come around for myself.  The road ahead is still long and tough... but we're out of the woods and it looks like you guys are, too.

I really hope so Sparrow and I really do think I am over the worst of it with her. Although we had a situation the other day where something she said triggered me (it seemed strange to me that it did). I wanted to discuss it because I couldn't understand why I had the reaction I did. Unfortunately she mistook this for me blaming her for the trigger...it took about an hour to sort through that mess but we did do it. Those kind of things will keep coming up I am sure but at least we can now sit down and discuss it.

Elizabeth K