I'm feeling very insecure.

[Angélique LaCava]

Ok well I told y'all bout those guys from the bar well anyway I had another experience tonight. A guy starts talkin to me n to break the ice he's like is it hot in here or is just you and I said its hot in here then I turned away then he asks me Wat I do for work or school n I told him n I asked him the same question n he said he goes to LSU then I turned away n then he tried talkin to me again but this time he said I'm a chick (he was being sarcastic obviously) then he asked  are you a chick? And I said yea n then I turned away n then a few mins ago he came up to me again drunker than he was earlier n he asked me my name again n I told him n he repeated it in a very very deep voice n my voice isn't as deep as he mimic it to be and so I told him obviously u know I'm a transgender but that's bull->-bleeped-<- to make fun of my voice. I'm just feeling insecure cause I don't understand why one min he would call me hot n then do that.

[stephaniec]

It's a scientific fact that some people are idiots.

[Ritana]

Maybe because at first he handn't clocked you, and then when he did he wanted to let you know he did. This obvioudly does not to justify the transphobic abuse he subjected you to. Try to rise above it and fon't let it bring you down hun.

Rita

[archlord]

You can be pretty, attractive  and a transgender at the same time to his eyes ..  Even Carmen Carrera talked about how idiot people can be and she try to inform  the population as much as she can but you know... it takes time for a society to lift taboos. Live your life, you dont have to feel insecure for a person like that, this just eliminate a bad candidate. Someone will love you as you are one day.. I am out to all my facebook, i live in a small town everyone i knew before know about it but this doesnt refrain people from flirting with me.

Also i dont know what you expect from going into a bar ..(friends, relationship) is it a LGBT one? If not then dont wonder why people are surprised when they know you are transgender.

Edit: Remember, you are a woman, if people dont see you this way then they dont deserve you. Be confident about who you are.

[Angélique LaCava]

You can be pretty, attractive  and a transgender at the same time to his eyes ..  Even Carmen Carrera talked about how idiot people can be and she try to inform  the population as much as she can but you know... it takes time for a society to lift taboos. Live your life, you dont have to feel insecure for a person like that, this just eliminate a bad candidate. Someone will love you as you are one day.. I am out to all my facebook, i live in a small town everyone i knew before know about it but this doesnt refrain people from flirting with me.

Also i dont know what you expect from going into a bar ..(friends, relationship) is it a LGBT one? If not then dont wonder why people are surprised when they know you are transgender.

Edit: Remember, you are a woman, if people dont see you this way then they dont deserve you. Be confident about who you are.

im hoping to find someone to date. I don't go to LGBT bars cause I don't like bisexual guys only straight but it's a bar I always go to n I usually don't hav that happen to me. Wasn't the first time there that someone knew I was trans but it was the first time someone made fun of me bout it but maybe it's cause he goes to LSU mostly preps,fraternity guys,and snobs go there.

[archlord]

im hoping to find someone to date. I don't go to LGBT bars cause I don't like bisexual guys only straight but it's a bar I always go to n I usually don't hav that happen to me. Wasn't the first time there that someone knew I was trans but it was the first time someone made fun of me bout it but maybe it's cause he goes to LSU mostly preps,fraternity guys,and snobs go there.

Yeah.. i actually havent gone to any bar since i started my transition( so you are ahead of me) and i dont feel like going to LGBT bar, neither to group therapy . I am a woman attracted to guys. I consider myself  a woman and straight.. However here comes the problem... i still have my penis and this is blocking me (psychologically) to undertake any relationship.. I have this jam in my head as a lot of mens in bars have..  i dont know what are your goals but things will only get better with time  angélique

[Ms Grace]

Some people are jerks, and they're even bigger jerks when they're drunk, plus when they're drunk they think they're hilarious and tend to be utterly obnoxious.

[Faith Rena]

Ms Grace is completely right. They're also really dumb and just.. completely immature. We're all here for you though, all here for each other. Thank God, and Susan, for Susan's place.

[Wednesday]

I think you're just having a losing streak. If I were you I would had spelt my drink over his shirt.

Be aware that hormones can affect your mood, trigger insecurities, trigger all kind of strong emotional reactions, make you more self-aware and more worried about your flaws (no matter if they are real or not).

[Roni]

I seem to get clocked a lot too, sometimes when I'm not even talking. I just think people are so much more aware that trans people exist now. Remember, Caitlyn Jenner was one of the top trending topics on the Internet in 2015. Last year I seemed to pass with flying colors, this year I catch people looking at my hands and feet a lot, and I've gotten far more stares than I did last year. I work in a high-volume, busy food joint and use reactions of customers to gauge my passability. I would say I passed 95% of the time pre-Caitlyn Jenner and now only 70% post-Caitlyn. It sucks but unfortunately, the journey to social acceptance also means less passing and blending for the majority of us...

[Roni]

You're also very pretty. Pretty girls generally attract more attention, more stares, etc., giving men the chance to study you and for some, inevitably clock you if they look and/or listen long enough. I've been trying to tone down my makeup and clothing for this reason. I used to go for full-blown makeup, hair, etc. but these days I find I'd rather sport the "girl next door" look. It allows me to blend in with the rest of women easier. When I DO get clocked, I find people respect me a lot more now because I look more "effortlessly" female and people respect that I'm not trying too hard.

[V M]

I'm sorry that you had another bad experience, possibly he was feeling insecure in himself for feeling attracted to you

I haven't been to a bar in over ten years, I just got tired of the whole bar scene

Sure, when I was young and doing music it was new and exciting, but these days I'd rather not be bothered by a bunch of chain smoking abusive drunks

It's the old cliche, "There are plenty o' fish in the sea", hopefully you'll have some better luck in the future

Hugs

[RachelsMantra]

Another reason I avoid the bar scene: to avoid drunken fools.

[April_TO]

You're also very pretty. Pretty girls generally attract more attention, more stares, etc., giving men the chance to study you and for some, inevitably clock you if they look and/or listen long enough. I've been trying to tone down my makeup and clothing for this reason. I used to go for full-blown makeup, hair, etc. but these days I find I'd rather sport the "girl next door" look. It allows me to blend in with the rest of women easier. When I DO get clocked, I find people respect me a lot more now because I look more "effortlessly" female and people respect that I'm not trying too hard.

Roni, You said it very well. Less is more. I think the more ultra feminine we present that more than likely we'll be attracting some unwanted attention. Hence, I try not to act so feminine at times and just be a regular gal next door. Simpler is better IMO.

If ever I'll wear make-up its all nude shades or just a cat eye, mascara and gloss and I'm out the door. Clothing also plays a huge role. Not so fitting and not so loose either.

I still pass quite well and I gauge that when I receive parcels at work when the UPS or Canada Post guy will be all chatty and will end the convo with "Thanks dear".

[Lagertha]

Until you are as passable that you know there is practically no chance of being clocked, avoid places with drunk people, unless if you come with a group of friends that will look after you. Be smart and be safe.

[Angélique LaCava]

Until you are as passable that you know there is practically no chance of being clocked, avoid places with drunk people, unless if you come with a group of friends that will look after you. Be smart and be safe.

honestly like Roni said... I wasn't really having any issues with being clocked before Caitlyn Jenner. I asked one of my guy friends last night n he told me my face looks female that it's just my hands n Adam's apple.

[Maybebaby56]

Ok well I told y'all bout those guys from the bar well anyway I had another experience tonight. A guy starts talkin to me n to break the ice he's like is it hot in here or is just you and I said its hot in here then I turned away then he asks me Wat I do for work or school n I told him n I asked him the same question n he said he goes to LSU then I turned away n then he tried talkin to me again but this time he said I'm a chick (he was being sarcastic obviously) then he asked  are you a chick? And I said yea n then I turned away n then a few mins ago he came up to me again drunker than he was earlier n he asked me my name again n I told him n he repeated it in a very very deep voice n my voice isn't as deep as he mimic it to be and so I told him obviously u know I'm a transgender but that's bull->-bleeped-<- to make fun of my voice. I'm just feeling insecure cause I don't understand why one min he would call me hot n then do that.

Hi Angélique,

I am so sorry you had this experience.  I read through this thread, and I can only add that I think the reason this man was being such a jerk was that he was attracted to you, and was embarrassed by his feelings. His way of dealing with that was putting you down and projecting unfeminine characteristics on you to help dissuade his attraction to you.

You're a very pretty lady.  You deserve better company than an uncouth drunk. Perhaps it's time to change venues.

With kindness,

Terri

[itsApril]

. . . A guy starts talkin to me n to break the ice he's like is it hot in here or is just you and I said its hot in here then I turned away then he asks me Wat I do for work or school n I told him n I asked him the same question n he said he goes to LSU then I turned away n then he tried talkin to me again but this time he said I'm a chick (he was being sarcastic obviously) then he asked  are you a chick? And I said yea n then I turned away n then a few mins ago he came up to me again drunker than he was earlier n he asked me my name again n I told him n he repeated it in a very very deep voice n my voice isn't as deep as he mimic it to be and so I told him obviously u know I'm a transgender but that's bull->-bleeped-<- to make fun of my voice. I'm just feeling insecure cause I don't understand why one min he would call me hot n then do that.

This is one of the unfortunate downsides of m to f.  As we grow into a female gender identity, we also begin to experience firsthand the way women are routinely abused and disrespected as a normal feature of life.  I'm sure every cis-woman in the world could tell you similar stories of abuse and harassment by obnoxious drunk guys.  It's starts out all, "Hey, pretty lady!"  But if you indicate (no matter how politely) that you're not interested, it descends rapidly to hostility and insult - like there must be something wrong with YOU if you don't jump at the chance to be with HIM.

In your case, there's also the added injury of anti-tg insult.  Women are usually more sensitive emotionally than men.  And a transwoman in active transition is often doubly insecure and emotionally vulnerable.  Which just highlights the cruelty and baseness of this drunken frat boy.  Catch him on a good day and confront him with his behavior, and maybe he feebly apologizes by saying he was drunk.  The Romans had a saying, "In vino, veritas."  ("In wine, the truth.")  Drunkenness doesn't make you do disgraceful things that you wouldn't do on your own.  It just lowers inhibitions and gives free rein to the character defects that already exist inside.

Several of the comments to your post mention the odd fact that this guy started out attracted to you.  Funny the way that works.  I assume that as he drunkenly realized your trans identity, it may have triggered his own internal anxiety about sex and gender roles.  It's an unfortunate tendency of a male ego to strike out in anger when that happens . . .

By the way, YOUR response ("so I told him obviously u know I'm a transgender but that's bull->-bleeped-<- to make fun of my voice.") was dignified, measured, correct, honorable.  I'd like to believe that guy can learn from it and become a better man than he is.

[liz]

As other said, stupid guys laught about any details they dont consider "their ideal". You could have been cis and fat or else and you would find guy like this anyway. I might not have "clocked" you before you told him, most of the time they dont have much to identify you.

I had my deeper voice laught about few times as my larger hands. I've not been "clocked" yet since i moved, the way you act kinda overcome the physicals details.