This may be goodbye

[Jayne01]

You people are so nice. You make the world a better place.

[Ms Grace]

You people are so nice. You make the world a better place.

Just remember, you do too.

[Dee Marshall]

But now that I think about it I have been helped by others like me just by reading a thread that they started and not necessarily participating in the conversation. I hope some of my threads I have started have helped others.

Perhaps even more than you know. Think about this, in those threads that helped you, were there topics you were ashamed or embarrassed to start threads about? Were any of them things you hadn't thought to ask? I know that I can answer yes to both of those questions.

[Ritana]

Sorry to hear that, Jayne! I really hope you will stay!

Sometimes in asking a question, we expect a certain type of answers. When we don't get them, it can feel frustrationg. Sometimes the suggestions we're offered can be too challenging for our state of mind.

Whatever the answers/ reactions you got, I am sure people had no ill intentions. We are a community here. Please be strong hun. You might need some time for yourself away from this website, but please don't delete your profile so you can always come back on here.

hugs,

Rita

[Jayne01]

I'm thinking about leaving here again. The reason being that I think when I visit this website it keeps my dysphoria and everything trans in the front of my mind. I find myself checking the site for any new stuff continuously throughout the day on my phone. You are all very kind and try very hard to help total strangers. I'll never forget that. But I don't think it is in my best interest. I don't want to be a woman. That is the complete opposite of what everyone here seems to want. You have all in your own way accepted yourselves as being trans and you seem to WANT to be the opposite sex. I absolutely positively do NOT want to be a woman. I want to be a man and just get on with my life. I do NOT want to transition. I do NOT want HRT. I do NOT want to crossdress. And the more this stuff stays in the front of my mind the closer I get to NOT wanting to live anymore. And that scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me.

I might take Rita's advice and just take a break away from the website.

Please don't anybody take this personally as something you may have said. This is just me. If I find that I can't stay away, I might need to delete my account so that I can't log back in. But for now I'll keep it.

So I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway. Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me. I'm sorry that I could not have been a better person.

J

[Ms Grace]

Taking a break and getting some mental breathing space is always a good idea. The site will still be here if and when you need it. Take care of yourself.

[stephaniec]

good luck

[Adena]

Jayne, not everyone here transitions; I don't know where I'll end up yet; I'm taking everything step by step. Whatever you do, be true to yourself, and don't be afraid to seek out assistance along your life journey.

[Deborah]

Good luck with everything and I hope it works out. 


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[Jayne01]

Thank you all

[cindianna_jones]

You need to do what is right for YOU. We can support you and listen. But... if you need to be on your own, that is fine too. No one of us is the same. We all have different needs and desires. So... do your own thing and remember that if you need support, we are here.

Cindi

[Jayne01]

I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.

[stephaniec]

I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.

I kind of have the same problem with chocolate .

[rosinstraya]

I just deleted my account. I came back a couple hours later and undeleted it. I don't know what I am doing. I am so incredibly confused.

It's not a bad thing to be on here. Keep speaking with the therapist.....and keep speaking to people on this site. Talking will help.

[Rachel]

Hi Jayne,

I have been on here over three years. The posts on the site sometimes would trigger me and I turn off my PC. I realize now that what triggers me are unsettled parts of me and it hurts. I have come a long way and I am learning to deflate the pain by looking at it and addressing it. I will address it and say it hurts to read xxx. Then say this is where I am going and then read a post in a section that I know will interest me and not trigger me.

I have learned techniques to help me live with my painful memories and painful feelings. I do not try to live in the pain I address it and allow it to pass. I am not saying sometimes it doesn't get the best of me and I have dysphoric episodes and I know they will pass. The question I ask myself is why I had the dysphoric episode and what can I do to relieve the pain. I do something about it. This has helped an immeasurable amount.

[SueNZ]

I'm thinking about leaving here again. The reason being that I think when I visit this website it keeps my dysphoria and everything trans in the front of my mind. I find myself checking the site for any new stuff continuously throughout the day on my phone. You are all very kind and try very hard to help total strangers. I'll never forget that. But I don't think it is in my best interest. I don't want to be a woman. That is the complete opposite of what everyone here seems to want. You have all in your own way accepted yourselves as being trans and you seem to WANT to be the opposite sex. I absolutely positively do NOT want to be a woman. I want to be a man and just get on with my life. I do NOT want to transition. I do NOT want HRT. I do NOT want to crossdress. And the more this stuff stays in the front of my mind the closer I get to NOT wanting to live anymore. And that scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me.

I might take Rita's advice and just take a break away from the website.

Please don't anybody take this personally as something you may have said. This is just me. If I find that I can't stay away, I might need to delete my account so that I can't log back in. But for now I'll keep it.

So I guess this is goodbye, for now anyway. Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me. I'm sorry that I could not have been a better person.

J

Hi Jayne,
It would be fantastic if there was a wand that can magically turn us into who we want to be. We are all in our own place of trying to see where we fit in or who we truly are.
I would love to be the man I was born as my life would be so much more simple and my relationship with my wife would be so much better. I currently have to battle the urges and desires along with fear of being found out. I own and run a business with an all male staff, I am president of our golf club, am the role model for my nieces and nephews in a broken family where they see me as their dad. My wife struggles to accept my need to dress and experiment, so our relationship is more like flat mates. When I am dressed at home she is always on edge of a visitor calling in and finding me. Is all this fair on her, me, our sons and anyone that could find me out? No it isn't but it's what I have got. I am trying to find that balance where all my different needs are satisfied without destroying anyone in the process. 
I have also found out that my emotional status dictates to which part of my personality comes out or needs to be fed. From wearing shorts, singlets, steel capped boots and busting myself physically to being fully dressed with wig, makeup, dresses, pantyhose and boots sipping wine delicately is flipping hard to manage and also understand.
Until I maybe understand I will accept I am dysfunctional and will feed each of my different sides. I may never find out who I am and where I fit in but will enjoy life and live it all to the maximum.

I would love to see you stay connected to this community.

This place is helping me by allowing me to share or just read where others are at.

I really do hope you can find your balance.

Cheers Sue