Can I just rip my heart out!

[Lyndsey]

Hi Amore

I was thinking a lot about your situation today. You need to stay strong and I know that you can do that. Your daughter is the one you want to protect besides yourself. The hell with you wife as soon she will not be part of your life except for the time you pick up your daughter and drop her off. Don't let her see your weak side as you have already been beat up enough by her. She will be trying to get all kinds of things against you now so be a good girl and don't argue with her. Walk away and let her rant on. Don't make any crazy remarks as she will try to use that against you too.
I know how much you must hurt inside but try to move on.

Big Hug's
Lyndsey

[rosetyler]

I left the Mormon Church about 3.5 years ago.  My hardcore Mormon family seems unable to accept the new me and passive aggressively treats me like dirt.  I don't talk to them much anymore.  You're not stupid, as you wrote about in an earlier post.  People you love driving you away sucks.  It's hard, but you can do this.

[Amoré]

Oky this is quite funny I went through my bag of clothes I put away and saw that she took much more than I thought.

She took my underwear  You are uncomfortable around me you are making my life hell you are blaming me for everything that is wrong at this stage. You have a big problem with me being transgender can't accept yourself being with a transgendered person the rest of your life. Then you wear my underwear.

I went and I checked the laundry and my suspicion was correct. There they where. I am so confused why would she do that how can she do that.

If I am breaking up with someone because they are trans and I can't stand them want them out of my life would I wear their underware that is covering my intimate parts.

This feels wrong on so many levels to me!

[Amoré]

Amore, there are a lot of people here that care very deeply about you.  But at some point you have to overcome whatever is paralyzing you from taking action, step up and take care of yourself.  I saw your statement about your IQ earlier.  I have no doubt that you are highly intelligent.

Now it is time to use some of that intelligence and properly take care of yourself.  Your wife has cut off your medical subsidies under her health insurance, and you have to deal with this now.

Like it or not, it is time to do whatever you have to do to apply for government support, for housing, for food, and for medical care.  Regardless of whether that means filling out papers in a government office and/or standing in line, or it all can be done online, you need to do it. 

Once you get that all set up, then it is time to find housing away from your wife.  After that is all situated, then time to find some paying work.

With your wife cutting off the insurance, stuff just got serious.  So as we say in America, "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

Hi carly I got up this morning and was like yeah I got this I found my underwear suprise and it is like okay cool I will discuss it with my therapist.

Unfortunatly the goverment health care in SA is one of the worst in the world! I will hopefully get work this month and go on my own medical aid.

Her behavior is seriously letting me question her mental health and ?stability myself. Her mother is bipolar and it runs in her family. She showed symptoms in the past before I came out of strange behavior but nothing to serious. I have depression and I gan get stuck in n rut.

The funny thing about this is if you see us as seperated you strip away my medical,you emotionally abuse me tell me how crap I am. Then you turn around want me to do things for you like fix this in our other hous do this look after the kid while I do this get that.

Isn't seperated and getting divorced meaning you start living on your own? She does not want me but the thing is I think I did not give her time to miss me and really have live without me.

It may seem as a relief in her head if I am gone she pushed me over the edge two times trying to take my own life. Being seperated is learning to cope without the other person. You are seperated because you don't want to be with that person anymore and don't want to have a relationship with that person. Then that means you must get by in life without that person.

[Mavis]

Exactly, you need to set your boundaries she is basically telling you that she doesn't have to be with you in an effort to hurt you but in the other hand tell you she still controls you. Tell her firmly, "you are the one that wanted divorce, now that we are separated and you have removed me from your medical aid because I am not your responsibility,  you too need to get used to the fact that you are no longer my responsibility and can no longer demand things of me so get used to doing it on your own" and take some power back, follow it up with "when you start treating me nice and doing nice things for me, then and only then will I start helping you with things again"

We have actually had to adapt this mirror image parenting style for one of our teenagers who is very selfish. You really are not dealing with anything more than a over grown child and you must treat her as such or those childish ways will control you.

[Deborah]

If she is bipolar that changes things a bit.  Her attitude and treatment of you are horrible but if bipolar disorder is there then her emotions may be beyond her control.  Has she seen a Dr. about it?


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[Lyndsey]

If she is bipolar that changes things a bit.  Her attitude and treatment of you are horrible but if bipolar disorder is there then her emotions may be beyond her control.  Has she seen a Dr. about it?


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Hi Amore
Deborah is so right about her seeing a Dr. that can be a huge problem. I have a sister that is bipolar and I stay away from her as she can get violent in a minute. She will bash me big time and then 15 minutes later start crying and wondering what is wrong with me . I avoid public places with her. Bipolar is a very bad thing if it is not controlled.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[Lyndsey]

Hi Amore

I can see the stress in your last picture that you have put up. I feel so bad for you as I know this whole thing is ripping you apart inside and out. You need to start thinking about yourself as stress can be very hard on your health. You really need to get out of there for your sanity. Remember you are the one that has to be strong and by you being strong it will show in how your daughter will react with you. If you show stress around her she will feel that too. But if you can show her that you can be happy and stress free she will feel that and want to be with you and be happy.You will sleep better knowing that you won't get bashed when you wake up.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[Amoré]

Hi Lyndsey

Yes the stress is getting to me badly I am struggling to sleep and have bad dreams. I get dreams about my wife almost every night I can't imagine being divorced and dreaming about someone that can't be with but desperately want to actually. In the morning when I wake up she is the first thing on my mind. I was really willing to give up everything for her. But where this thing is going is not really attractive anymore. I told her today that the storm is over I am not going to fight divorce anymore I will sign an agreement and move out when I get a job and earn an income again. I am financial dependent on her for now. I don't know if my whole view of this thing will change if I get financial independent again. I think if I was I would have moved out long time ago.

The only win I have is not having to think or ask for permission for anything I can buy what I want too when I want too. Drive the car I want too I so want a bmw z4 cabrio. I can focus on my studies and on myself. I need time to heal and find myself. It is hard to go but the benefits is outweighing the the problems and hurt of divorce at this stage.

Bottom line of divorce is someone thinks they are going to be happier outside the marriage than in it. This is her. If I have to take my marriage and it's state now into consideration I will agree I can see benefit in divorce.

I was happy in my marriage and in love it was wonderful but the thing it became and what reality is now is far from what it was it is total compliments. It is something I don't find attractive and I am sitting with a partner that is not particular attractive at this stage. What is attractive is the memories dreams and hopes that I had.

So I am trying to keep myself from falling back on what was and focus on the current and future. The reality is the current and the future will sadly not be the past. Our views of each other shifted.

She don't want to settle for a new dynamic in the marriage she don't even want to try anymore. So what can I really do accept that she wants this respect her feelings assist her in divorce and let her go.

I don't lose completely in the end of the day.

[Lyndsey]

Hi Lyndsey

Yes the stress is getting to me badly I am struggling to sleep and have bad dreams. I get dreams about my wife almost every night I can't imagine being divorced and dreaming about someone that can't be with but desperately want to actually. In the morning when I wake up she is the first thing on my mind. I was really willing to give up everything for her. But where this thing is going is not really attractive anymore. I told her today that the storm is over I am not going to fight divorce anymore I will sign an agreement and move out when I get a job and earn an income again. I am financial dependent on her for now. I don't know if my whole view of this thing will change if I get financial independent again. I think if I was I would have moved out long time ago.



The only win I have is not having to think or ask for permission for anything I can buy what I want too when I want too. Drive the car I want too I so want a bmw z4 cabrio. I can focus on my studies and on myself. I need time to heal and find myself. It is hard to go but the benefits is outweighing the the problems and hurt of divorce at this stage.

Bottom line of divorce is someone thinks they are going to be happier outside the marriage than in it. This is her. If I have to take my marriage and it's state now into consideration I will agree I can see benefit in divorce.

I was happy in my marriage and in love it was wonderful but the thing it became and what reality is now is far from what it was it is total compliments. It is something I don't find attractive and I am sitting with a partner that is not particular attractive at this stage. What is attractive is the memories dreams and hopes that I had.

So I am trying to keep myself from falling back on what was and focus on the current and future. The reality is the current and the future will sadly not be the past. Our views of each other shifted.

She don't want to settle for a new dynamic in the marriage she don't even want to try anymore. So what can I really do accept that she wants this respect her feelings assist her in divorce and let her go.

I don't lose completely in the end of the day.

Hi Sweetie
As I have said there is not a good thing about any Divorce But you will get your freedom back.

I would never get married again as I tell people I'm Allergic to Wedding Cake! LOL

Love
Lyndsey

[CarlyMcx]

I hope you do find work in the next month.  Hearing that you might made me very happy.   You really need to get away from your wife to deal with your transition -- or decide in a calmer environment whether you really want to trade your gender for her companionship.

My ex wife kept coming back into my life and trying to take things (cars, furniture, etc.) after she cheated on me and left me for the other guy, even though she already had much better stuff than I did, and did not need any of what she was trying to take.  She was, figuratively speaking, trying to stomp me into the ground, and she seemed to enjoy doing it.  It sounds like your wife is like that.  You really need to get away from her.

But if you do, I am worried that your wife will beg you to come back, be the man for her, etc.  So be careful what you wish for.  For that matter, be careful, period.