Whining about timeline

[Karlie Ann]

Please forgive me, but I wanted to vent.

Why does everything have to take so long?  First I have to get into therapy, I have to find a way to finance it, I have to get permission for HRT, then it's two years or more for results, FFS would be a ways down the road, and on and on.  Everything points to five or more years before I can really live as the woman that I am, and meanwhile every day I have to pretend to be a man.  I mean, I've waited 45 years already, why can't it just be faster?

I know that's how it is, and I am accepting it because I have no choice, but I hate it.

[Dena]

By your time line, that would be correct. Once I learned how to pass, I was full time in under a year. We have several members who have done it in less that a few months. It will take you a very long time to go full time if you want everything to be as perfect as possible. If your need to go full time is greater than you need to be perfect, you could be full time in months.

Yes I was on hormones long before going full time but they had little effect on me. I had the time and money to get my nose fixed and adams apple shaved but neither procedure changed my ability to pass much. I worked on my voice but my voice has sounded male for 35 years until this summer. But yet I was accepted in society as a woman and never had any issues over it.

[Mallory]

Some of us jump in head first and could care less what other people think. Others, like the person above me said, need for things to be perfect before we step out because people can be meany heads and being ridiculed sucks.

One step at a time and enjoy the ride; it wont last forever and at the end of it you'll be who you need to be.

[stephaniec]

It's like the Polar Bear Club just do it.

[suzifrommd]

Everything points to five or more years before I can really live as the woman that I am, and meanwhile every day I have to pretend to be a man.

No Karlie, you don't.

There is no therapy requirement, no HRT requirement, no FFS requirement, and no waiting requirement to live as a woman. You could buy a new set of clothes and step out your front door as Karlie Ann right now if you want to. There is nothing stopping you. Nothing.

If you insist upon passability, insist upon a certain standard of appearance, yes, you might need FFS or at least HRT. But if you're willing to look however you look, you can be yourself right now.

You may not want to be a woman without looking a certain way, in which case, yes you may have to wait. That is entirely your choice.

But you do have a choice.

[iKate]

No Karlie, you don't.

There is no therapy requirement, no HRT requirement, no FFS requirement, and no waiting requirement to live as a woman. You could buy a new set of clothes and step out your front door as Karlie Ann right now if you want to. There is nothing stopping you. Nothing.

If you insist upon passability, insist upon a certain standard of appearance, yes, you might need FFS or at least HRT. But if you're willing to look however you look, you can be yourself right now.

You may not want to be a woman without looking a certain way, in which case, yes you may have to wait. That is entirely your choice.

But you do have a choice.

Give Suzi a gold star for this one.

However, I find it disconcerting that now people are saying they need FFS to go full time and even to "pass." Really? No you really don't.

You need attitude and clothing and makeup can go a long way. Hormone therapy doesn't hurt either.

I went full time at 6 months on hormone therapy but I had been presenting female nearly everywhere for 4 of those 6 months already. I went full time at work at month 6. I had VFS at nearly month 7. I will have FFS this year.

No need to wait. Just go out and live.

[Maybebaby56]

Give Suzi a gold star for this one.

However, I find it disconcerting that now people are saying they need FFS to go full time and even to "pass." Really? No you really don't.

You need attitude and clothing and makeup can go a long way. Hormone therapy doesn't hurt either.

I went full time at 6 months on hormone therapy but I had been presenting female nearly everywhere for 4 of those 6 months already. I went full time at work at month 6. I had VFS at nearly month 7. I will have FFS this year.

No need to wait. Just go out and live.

Hi Kate,

Easier said than done.  I admire you for what you have accomplished, but I would never even consider your timetable.  I will need a lot of work before I can pass, including FFS, and I need to feel I can pass before I will have the attitude and confidence to pull it off.

I know Suzi - well, I've met her, anyway - and she manages to practice what she preaches, and I still cannot quite wrap my head around what it takes to follow through.  But I am determined to get there. 

With kindness,

Terri 

[iKate]

Hi Kate,

Easier said then done.  I admire you for what you have accomplished, but I would never even consider your timetable.  I will need a lot of work before I can pass, including FFS, and I need to feel I can pass before I will have the attitude and confidence to pull it off.

I know Suzi - well, I've met her, anyway - and she manages to practice what she preaches, but I still cannot quite wrap my head around what it takes to follow through.  But I am determined to get there. 

With kindness,

Terri

How would you know before you even try?

[Maybebaby56]

How would you know before you even try?

Well, there's the rub.  It's like asking, "How do you know you can't cross the high wire without a net?" There's really only one way to find out.

In the last 30 years, I have gone out fully-dressed twice.  Once many years ago, in my 20s, and I got clocked.  I cringe just thinking about it.  The other time was about a year ago, under fairly controlled circumstances.  I went to a club with a (female) date, went in, sat down, talked with people, and left.  The thing is, it was BDSM club, where my date was a member, and I chose it on purpose because people in that culture are very accepting and non-judgmental. I could have gone in naked and no one would have said much.  Publicly, all I did was walk to a car and get out of a car.  And I was a nervous wreck doing that.

The only solace was afterwards, I went home with my date, and her roommate, another female, did not even notice I was trans.  So there is hope. 

I just have to convince myself to get on that high wire.

~Terri

[Squircle]

I went full time two months before starting HRT. I don't regret doing it because it meant I was able to speed up my transition drastically, but the first year was very difficult. I did get FFS after one year full time, and it made a huge difference to me. However I did have some degree of passing privilege from the start; I'm small and thin, so I never drew much attention, although back in the days of wearing a wig with my old face I probably didn't stand up to close scrutiny. Now I'm two years full time and two months post op. There are people I know who started transition before me but are still living as male.

Everyone is different in how they approach things and how they need to feel before they can go full time. I'm not one of these people who believes that the right attitude will allow anyone to pass, and regardless, not everyone has that natural confidence in them. Sometimes people need to see a change before they can draw confidence from that.

On the flip side I've met people who have had years of hrt and in one instance about to have an orchiectomy without ever having spent a full week as a woman.

Basically you have some degree of control over the speed of your transition, it all comes down to how much you are willing to put up with in the meantime. It tough, and scary, and I don't judge anyone for choosing to take a different route to the one I did.

[michelle82]

Please forgive me, but I wanted to vent.

Why does everything have to take so long?  First I have to get into therapy, I have to find a way to finance it, I have to get permission for HRT, then it's two years or more for results, FFS would be a ways down the road, and on and on.  Everything points to five or more years before I can really live as the woman that I am, and meanwhile every day I have to pretend to be a man.  I mean, I've waited 45 years already, why can't it just be faster?

I know that's how it is, and I am accepting it because I have no choice, but I hate it.

Try not to get overwhelmed with the big picture. When you think about everything like that its very exhausting and draining. I did that a  whole LOT prior to my coming out. What i tried to do instead is just focus on the now, and the things you can start working on. Schedule that hair removal appointment and focus on hair removal. Or work on makeup practice, or practice putting outfits together. Keep you eye on the finish line, but don't let it bog you down, because trust me it's very easy to get frustrated.

It will happen, and it will probably happen a lot quicker than you think. Everyone has their own timeline, and criteria for coming out. Do it when it feels right and when you're happy with you.

[Mariah]

I'm not found of the long time line either. I will be over 2 years full time and over 2 years HRT when SRS is performed. I wish it move a bit quicker, but as Dena pointed out some of the slowness insures that we are ready for things. Hugs
Mariah

[Sharon Anne McC]

*

Karlie Ann:

Some recent developments brought to mind the 'old days'.

Stanford University Medical Center had a transition program.  You attended a series of counselling sessions at their facility, they sent you home where you would meet with one of their recommended counsellors during your two years RLT, and then you would return to Stanford for your two years / final evaluation and operation.  If you needed more time, then you went home and took more time - no one rushed you - you were in control with their personnel ready for you at your pace.

I do not know if Stanford or Janus (Galveston) still exist, but they were a complete package that worked well during their day.  Maybe write to them rather than winging it on your own.

Nevertheless, two years is quick in the scheme of life.  You are 45 now, GCS / SRS can be at 47, 48, or thereabouts and you will have quite a full life as you decide is correct for you.  One member of a transsexual group to which I belong just had her procedure and she is age 70.  It is never too late, but can be too early if you are not ready.

*

[Lyndsey]

Hi Karlie Ann

I know what you want is completion. We all want that. Time is a good thing as you want to be sure of what you are doing as once you have the big surgery as I have there is no return. I surely think that if you want to you should start living full time as a women right now. There is nothing stoping you from doing that except yourself. If you truly want that than go for it. That will surely let you find out if it is truly for you.It can and will be a long process if you are sure truly sure enough that this is what you want to do than you best put your deposit down for the surgeries as there is over a two year waiting list now for Doctors on certain ones. You have my blessing no matter you decide and what you want to do.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[Sunhawk]

Hi all,

  If your theripist is following the current soc I think all they need to recommend HRT is informed consent. You might even be able to find an endocrinologist that will prescribe with informed consent.

I think on the new soc they ate looking at revising the rlt party for gcs. I think that some people should hold off on gcs unlit other issues are addressed of they are present. But in the absents of any mental health issues, after an initial mental heath assessment and a follow up or two, I think an informed consent model should be used for gcs as well. It's my body,  I've known I wanted this from the time I was 7 years old. That said, I have managed to jump through the bureaucratic hoops, I just don't think I should of had to.

I think I comes down to the fact that the soc was originally sussed out by CIS persons who, even with their knowledge of what we go though and the outcomes, could never overcome their feeling that only someone suffering from a mental illness would choose to have their penis "chopped off". Bit that's just my take on it.

[iKate]

Well, there's the rub.  It's like asking, "How do you know you can't cross the high wire without a net?" There's really only one way to find out.

In the last 30 years, I have gone out fully-dressed twice.  Once many years ago, in my 20s, and I got clocked.  I cringe just thinking about it.  The other time was about a year ago, under fairly controlled circumstances.  I went to a club with a (female) date, went in, sat down, talked with people, and left.  The thing is, it was BDSM club, where my date was a member, and I chose it on purpose because people in that culture are very accepting and non-judgmental. I could have gone in naked and no one would have said much.  Publicly, all I did was walk to a car and get out of a car.  And I was a nervous wreck doing that.

The only solace was afterwards, I went home with my date, and her roommate, another female, did not even notice I was trans.  So there is hope. 

I just have to convince myself to get on that high wire.

~Terri

A lot of us get clocked. Even some who have had FFS or otherwise have feminine facial features. It happens and part of RLE is dealing with it.

I got misgendered in the beginning and I felt really bad about it but I took stock of what I needed and I fixed some of it and I'm continuing to fix it.

So really you should learn to deal with being clocked. Of course your journey is yours alone to decide and my advice is just a suggestion. But what bothers you more? Being clocked or waiting 5 years? I hate to think what would happen if I had to wait 5 years.

[Lyndsey]

hi People

I know I had to wait years but if I had to change it the only thing that all that I would change is I wish I did it 40 years ago.

Lyndsey

[Emjay]

We all have a choice.......  We just have to decide our own threshold for dealing with life as it is versus making a change.

Me personally, I waited.....  until HRT did it's thing, until electrolysis was to a certain point, until I could save money for surgeries, until my hair got longer, until my workload lightened up........  you name it, I waited for it....

I said all of those things and probably more.  Later I found that what I really waited for was the point where I found myself yet again disappearing down the rabbit hole until I couldn't stand it any more and *had* to do something.

What I found on the other side was that I really had done all of that waiting for nothing.  Sure some things worked to my advantage but in terms of overall happiness I wish I hadn't waited so long.

[Jessie Ann]

It really is up to each individual to decide how slow or fast they want to move foward for most of the process. (There is also some restrictions that may be beyond your control when dealing with insurance or government supplied services.). I was 53 when I started 11 months ago. I did 2 counseling sessions in February and started HRT in March, had Adams apple reduction in April, name and gender change in May and was full time female everywhere in June. I had some FFS procedures and Breast augmentation surgey at the end of August and am looking at scheduling GRS for this summer.  It is possible to speed through the changes if you are dedicated, persistent and have the time and $$ to devote to working hard at it. Transiton is not easy or cheap if you want to have an accelerated time line.

Good luck to you girl!

[Valwen]

Ok story time.

I have known I am diffrent forever, I knew that I was trans sense I was 16, I knew I would need to transision or die by 18. I did Nothing but hate myself for a long time. I was 33 before I did anything, I am 34 now.

A little over a year ago it was like September or October of 2014 I saw a therapist for the first time mid December I started seeing a doctor. very very late Febuary I started HRT two weeks later we upped my dosage to where it is now. I had planned on going full time December of 2015, that did not happen. Early June I was on vacation from work and made the decision to go to therapy as myself. I was so happy with being me, I also went food shopping and got lunch before I went home, 4 days later I went to a public place where everyone knows me wearing a floral skirt and outed myself to everyone a little over a week after that I went full time. It was about 2 weeks later that I started my name change and a few months later that I finished changing all my documents.

I had no cloths, no prep and only a few months on hormones, but it was the best thing I ever did. If things work out good for me I hope to have GRS some time before 2016 ends.

16 years I lived in pain and self hate, 16 days from the moment I first showed my true self to the world and the last time I ever wore the lie.

Your timeline is what you make of it.

Serena

PS. I should note that I work a close to minimum wage job and did all this on mass health free insurance.