So I think it has been a while since I did a post here, I actually completely forgot about this forum for the majority of the 4 months, it just popped back into my head a few nights ago when I was having a hard time.
Okay.. I guess the easiest way to explain this would be to just explain it all without TOO much detail..
About four months ago, I was feeling amazingly confident and stuff, it was Monday, just driving home with my mom from college, all excited since I was planning on coming out to my family on the weekend, just was working on my actual plan(which was pretty much just going to be me saying "hey, I'm transgender" and hoping for the best). So we got home at about 10pm, as usual... Something did feel a bit off, like it had felt earlier in the day, so I decided to lower the volume of my music while going to bed. Then about 11pm, I hear my mom asking my dad to get up and go check on my brother in the guest house outside, because she found texts on his phone suggesting he wasn't out there.
Details cut short, we break in through the back door and discover my brother is in fact gone, as well as his ATV, so his girlfriend's parents call saying their daughter is missing too, and they found the ATV about 2 miles from their house. We ended up down there around 11:45pm with the plan of just packing the ATV and making my brother walk home, however we see the ATV is damaged, turns out he looked back while driving and hit a ditch.
Around 12:30am, my brother and his girlfriend finally show up at her house, and we switch to rushing my brother to the hospital, at that time thinking he had broken a few ribs, his jaw, possibly his back, and arms.
Cutting to the reveal of what turned out to actually is broken, his jaw and C7. He ended up staying in the hospital for at least a week(I forgot the exact length of time), had to get surgery on his jaw, and we are still waiting to find out if he will need neck surgery. He had his jaw wired shut for 6 weeks, and up until a few weeks ago, lived in my room.
So now four months later, he is still being an idiotic jerk, his girlfriend is a jerk, they are both saying they are "emo", the girlfriend's family hates us, etc. The situation hit it's peak yesterday when he pretty much tried killing my older brother over a joke about the girlfriend...
He is also a jerk to me, ignoring that I stayed up for 48 hours straight to be by his side for those first 24 hours, never taking a break until my mom arrived at the hospital. I also took care of him for most of the recovery time, yet he repays me by being a jerk.. Also not counting that I still have yet to actually have any time to just release my stress and stuff over this whole situation.
I am so pissed still, like I haven't even been able to think about coming out since that Monday night, since the stress is just too much on my family, like if I told them now it would be forcefully a negative response because of the already existing tensions of this whole situation.
On the bright side, when I eventually am able to come out, there is no way being transgender is worse than my brother's situation. I guess the only worry now is if I will actually ever have another time when my parents' aren't at their limits..
Sorry for the long post. Like I said, this is really the first time I have even been able to think about myself in the last 4 months. On the bright side, I am now certain I am transgender, and I do think a lot of people are at least expecting me to come out as gay in the future(if they aren't, then I will be amazed). The biggest thing actually, that sparked my need to post here again, was discovering more facial hair yesterday, so I guess I can't really hold off on coming out for forever. Maybe next month when I start college again, things will be easier. It sounds like my parents' might be getting my brother a therapist pretty soon.
For now, I shall just try to enjoy my 4 month sub on swtor as much as I can, maybe I can revive my old female character since I transferred servers.
