I need guy advice....

[Chrissy1979]

I'm sorry to say but he is hedging his bets/trying to have his cake and eat it too.. You have already caught him out with at least one lie "saying he was out of town ", I'm betting there are others lies or half truths also. Yeah he may look good,  but lies make good looking turn ugly.  You do deserve better than what you've told us...

[Angélique LaCava]

Again, there are plenty of guys out there who won't judge you even if your body hasn't fully developed yet.  I met my bf about a month before starting AAs (assuming you meant anti-androgens/spiro), and yes, we took things extremely slow, but he never judged me for being early in my transition and has always insisted he sees me fully as female.  You deserve one who doesn't judge you or looks at you any different than any other female (the way that this guy does), but also respects you and feels proud to be with you.  And that is totally possible.

by AA I meant boob size, but he does see me as female he's just scared to be seen differently by friends n family.

[itsApril]

Sounds like bad news to me.  Here's how I read him.  He's sexually attracted to you and he likes the sex, but he hasn't come to grips with the whole TG thing.  He's still afraid of what other guys and his family think, which makes him ashamed to be with you openly.  So unless that changes, he's not relationship material.

If you continue to see him as things are, you have to understand he's using you for sex and he's not able to commit to you in any meaningful way other than that.  He views you as a booty call.

We have our needs, just like guys have theirs.  You're attracted to him and it sounds like you like the sex just as he does.  Nothing wrong with that!  I'm not judging you.  If you want to keep seeing him and keep things at that level, that's your decision to make.  But please don't invest too much in him emotionally, hoping that he'll be more committed when he gets more money or more independence or whatever.  He's not moving in that direction.  If it's rewarding enough to you to keep on seeing him, okay!  But don't let him break your heart, because he's not worth it.

Also, I sign on to what Wednesday brought up.  You're at an early stage of transition.  Don't sell yourself short by thinking this guy is the best you'll ever find.  He's not.  As you move forward in the process, you're going to develop sophistication, become more attractive, more confident in your new gender identity.  Listen to Wednesday when she tells you that time is on your side.

[Lyndsey]

Hi Angel

I will be blunt with you and I'm sorry, If this Guy truly cares about you he will educate his friends and family and be with you. The guy that I'm with has been so sweet to me and he has taken me to meet his whole family and all his friends. As he said to me you are a women and I am a man. so that is that. I would Dumb his butt!! if he really loves you like you think than he will do as I have said.


Hug's Lyndsey

[rosetyler]

So this guy has the best...you've ever seen?  What's more important to you.  A good looking...or treating you respectfully?

I really like this guy n he really likes me but he says he dosnt want his family (brothers) n friends to find out.... he told me before that they r ruthless n cruel, but they found out somehow n they been messing with him bout it ever since

I don't THINK my fam knows my "boyfriend" is actually a chick, but I'm pretty sure they already know I will come down on them hard if they get out of line when we tell them.  You need a partner that will back you the hell up if his friends/fam cause a ruckus about your gender identity.  If this guy won't do it, kick him to the curb.

[Laura_7]

I personally would explain to him that being transgender is biological.
There are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible.
There are even substances known to cause a higher rate of that mismatch.
And decisive for the body are hormones. Your boobies are the real thing.
Hes attracted to you being a woman.

It seems his friends know so he would have some explaining to do.

Well often people have a feeling they can turn people around and it is not the case.
Its up to you if you want to try or look for a nice partner who is already further along.

Just know you deserve someone loving you...


*hugs*

[Alaia]

My thoughts, if it isn't a "hell yes!" coming from both of you then it's not the kind of relationship that will last.

If you like his body and think he's a good frack buddy then make it clear that you'll only ever consider him a friend with benefits. There's certainly nothing wrong with having that type of friendship.

There's a guy I met recently that is pretty much the same way. We secretly left the party we were at and came back to my place because he didn't want his friends to know. And you know what, I'm okay with that because I know how difficult it is to be your authentic self in the face of social stigma. I see it as helping him explore a side of himself that he might not otherwise. Not just that though, I wanted the experience for myself as well. I'm actually a pretty damn horny girl, it drives me nutz sometimes LOL 

Anyway, we might even hook up again, but there's no way I'll ever consider him boyfriend material so long as he is has the 'afraid of people finding out' mentality. I deserve someone that will respect me for the woman I am, but also someone who has as much self confidence as I do and who doesn't give a funk about what others think.