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Second steps

Started by Just_M, February 16, 2016, 05:41:45 PM

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Just_M

Hi! I'm still questioning and doubting if I'm FTM or not. So today I decided to talk to my therapist about it. She's not a gender therapist, just the regular Freudian type. I told her I had doubts about my gender identity as I didn't fit in the concept 'woman' and all the other stuff I posted on the thread 'First steps' (having an online relationship as a male, having fantasies where I'm a man, playing male roles in school theatre, etc). And luckily she was pretty cool about it. As if it was all natural and she was maybe not shocked by the news, or maybe she just wants my money, dunno, but she seemed just fine! So I guess I'm not scarying people away after all, at least not her, and I wasn't treated as a freak, which was also nice.
I don't know how therapy sessions will go on, if she will ask me about this or not. Or if we're just going to pretend we didn't have this talk. I also told her I realized my anxiety about moving abroad was largely because of this, because of my desire to explore gender boundaries and see where I fit. Hopefully we'll discuss one or the other next week.
Can any of you tell me about your experiences of coming out with your therapists? I'm really eager to know what's next!
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FTMax

I had never worked with a therapist prior to coming out, and only spoke to one for the purposes of surgery referrals. I spoke with 3 trying to find the right fit for my needs and basically said the same thing to all of them - "Hi, I'm a transgender man and I need a mental health referral for top surgery. I am hoping to have surgery in April, do you think it would be possible to have completed enough sessions by then for you to put together a referral?"

In my first session, we discussed my life up through high school and any specific instances I remembered about being trans. The second session was college to the present. The third session they answered any questions/concerns that I had. And then I got my referral and stopped therapy.
T: 12/5/2014 | Top: 4/21/2015 | Hysto: 2/6/2016 | Meta: 3/21/2017

I don't come here anymore, so if you need to get in touch send an email: maxdoeswork AT protonmail.com
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Kylo

Honestly I get nothing out of talking to my therapist.

She asks questions, I talk. I can talk about about it easily, the 45 minutes is like a nice little chat for me. If I ask her "so what do you think?" about the stuff I'm telling her, she wriggles out of giving any opinion. Mainly I ask because I want to know if my responses are typical or completely out there. Just curiosity on my part.

Granted I know she's just there to diagnose me. She seems more concerned that I'm living without much of a support network and stuff like that. Not that I ever had one.

She's not going to tell me anything I don't already know, although she's fairly astute as to my situation. Not sure why they ask so many questions related to personal circumstances and how easy or difficult those might be.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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FtMitch

I also get zip from therapy beyond referrals, but I already know I'm trans rather than being questioning like you.  For someone who is questioning I would think therapy could be very helpful, and I would encourage you to pursue the topic with her.  It is obviously bothering you enough to come here, so you might as well try and work through it and figure out who you are/what you want.
(Started T November 4, 2015)
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Moneyless

I think you should look for a gender therapist or something more specific to gender issues. When I first came out, my parents didn't really know what to do so they sent me to a generic therapist and it literally ended up being a waste of time. There was nothing she could do for me, I obviously knew more than her about the topic, and talking to her didn't really make me feel any better personally as she didn't really know what I was talking about even though she wasn't rude and tried to be understanding. But this is my personal experience, if you are fine and doing well with your current therapist, you can stay with her. For me, it ended up just being a waste of two months as I ended up finding a gender psychologist from online resources, and once I started seeing him was when things actually started going. He knew what I was talking about, had much experience in the topic and helped me with knowing what to do. He wrote my letter for me a couple weeks ago and I will be going on T in a few months.

Even if you're not interested in HRT yet, or if you won't be at all considering you're still questioning, I really recommend finding a specialised therapist. If there isn't one in your area, I think you should consider travelling to one if it's a few hour drive or whatever, because this is very important. Gender identity and discovering who you are is important and the sooner the better in most cases. Unlike depression, anxiety and even homosexuality, transgender isn't really a widely educated topic when it comes to therapists.
started T 12/04/16 - 18 years old
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