How do you know for sure that you are trans?

[Dena]

Jayne, being confused as to what you are is a part of being transgender. You will figure it out sooner or latter and this is the place to do it. If you know you matched your birth gender, you wouldn't be transgender. Many here have felt what you feel so you are not offending anybody here.

[Ely-chan]

I only know that i am a girl and it's all
When i was a kid i waited that someday the things change, start to use dress, grow up like my girl cousins and other ideas that NEVER come true 
Now i have the change to be like i feel, yes i know that i'm trans (1 month to start hrt probably) but i prefer to think that is a step to be a girl

[Ely-chan]

i remember that i saw a test,
so is here the link
http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html
Huges and best wishes 
bye

[Fara]

Wow, long thread.  Often the stories sound so familiar.

A few months ago I began to see cracks in my reality that hinted I may have some deep soul searching to do.  I've been uncomfortable in my body my whole life, never did I think it was gender related though. I have lived a gender-normal (male) life for the most part.  I'm 41 yo, married 6 years with a daughter and another on the way.  The only inkling I had that I was different was that I began reading transgender fiction/erotica in college and continued to read it throughout my life.  I felt shame about it but chalked it up to a sexual kink.  I even considered writing some myself or doing captions.

Fast-forward to 6 months ago.  It began with crossdressing, something I'd never done my entire life that I can recall.  I decided on a whim to try on some things, and I frankly enjoyed it way more than I thought I would.  But the reflection in the mirror wasn't satisfying though.  The silhouette was wholly wrong, and I was upset about it, it looked wrong.  I went on a diet, bought breast forms, padded hip/butt pads, and began working out to improve my thigh, butt, and hips.  I started dressing en femme all day at home, practiced makeup, tried out foundation (I hate my beard shadow), grew my nails out a bit, painted them red then pink, got a pedicure and pretty red toes, pierced my right ear (left was already pierced from my teen years).

Still my body didn't fit the image in my minds eye.  I went online to find more information about feminizing my body, looked at breast growth pills, herbal stuff, but to be honest I doubted any of them would work.  I stumbled on some of the transgender forums and spent several days plumbing the depths for information, experiences, and stories about those that are transgender.

I began to question, and knew it was time to talk to someone about it so I setup my first gender therapist vision last Thursday.  It was difficult talking about things that I've never uttered a word about to anyone else in my life, there were tears, and I rarely cry.  We ended the session and planned another session this coming Thursday.  I don't know what's going to happen, and don't know for sure if I'm transgender, but part of me at least thinks I am.  All I really know is that I've been different somehow, and that I've been changing slowly over the last few months and continue to.  It feels like I maybe seeing a light ahead, but there is still lots of uncertainty, shame, fear and anxiety. 

I often wonder if maybe I did this to myself somehow, did my sexual preoccupation do something to me.. I suppose this is a chicken or the egg thought experiment though, with no real answer.  I've often seen the thought experiment of "If there were a button you can press and magically change your gender, with no complications or changes to the rest of your life would you".  Yes, I would smash that button home and become a woman with no thought. 

I feel like I need more answers still, but I don't know when I will get them.  I hope my therapist will help me find them.

Cheers,
-Gia

[imissmymama]

"If there were a button you can press and magically change your gender, with no complications or changes to the rest of your life would you".  Yes, I would smash that button home and become a woman with no thought. 

yes its one thing to say , I will have a surgery to get rid of this penis, but its another scenario if there's magic pill I can take to replace it with a vagina, I would take it in half a second.

I did start taking female hormones 8 years ago, and I used the name Casey because I know its a gender neutral name. I started out with just herbal hormones but than it escalated, but to this day, I am still not sure if I am a woman or if I am just a feminine gay bottom. I cant figure myself out. I just cant. its one of the worst feeling in the world, not knowing who the hell you are and not ever knowing if you made the right decision , or if you messed it all up.

[popa910]

I never felt like I fit in from a young age, but being trans didn't enter my mind, or if it did, I have buried those memories so deep that I don't remember. I currently do feel lost and I don't trust my own mind. That is why I am looking for proof that I might be trans, because I don't trust myself. I have often thought of myself as not having my own identity. I am easily swayed by other people's views because I don't have any idea what my own views are.......on any subject. I am a non person! I can relate better with a machine than another human.

Maybe I am some kind of experimental robot that escaped from the lab before being completed.

J

I also often feel just like this!  I find it helps to ask people for advice or their opinions, because then I realize whether or not I agree with them, and that helps me figure out what I feel/want/opine.

[Mujer_Mariposa]

You feel that your mind & your body don't align; like there's more than meets the eye to your being. Some people state they feel "trapped in their own body" but I can't say that describes my case.

For me, it was more "I'm trapped because society won't let me do girly things because I have male parts." Coupled with some mild-ish body dysphoria

Everybody experiences it differently

[AnxietyDisord3r]

On the flip side though, while wearing my breast forms feels right, I also end up feeling fake, and "wrong" again.

I feel like using prosthetics can backfire sometimes when dealing with dysphoria because it's a reminder of what you don't have.

In fact, a lot of ftms who bind talk about needing to bind to have the confidence to leave the house but feeling their dysphoria doubled when they need to take the binder off.

I struggle with packing and so to a lot of ftms. If you don't feel like the prosthetic is a part of you it can just draw your attention to your dysphoria and cause you to suffer more.

I wouldn't want anyone to come away with the impression that feeling bad when attempting to use prosthetics means you're "not trans enough".

[AnxietyDisord3r]

If you can ask the question, "Am I trans?", the answer is yes.  If you weren't, you wouldn't ask the question.

Yes, but the OP could be genderfluid or nonbinary or both, which would impact what sort of path forward, socially and possibly medically, that they want to pursue.

Genderfluid individuals have gender identities that are unstable over their lifetime. Over a period of months or years they may shift between genders. They may experience dysphoria while one gender, but none while another. Nonbinary individuals don't identify exclusively as any one gender or may identify as agender. They may experience dysphoria which may be relieved by medical intervention, or they may not.

The OP may be genderfluid, based on their initial comments. It will take a lot of thought and insight on their part to know that for certain, however.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I've suffered a lot for being the way I am, but I refuse to blame my suffering on my nature.  I blame it on the narrow-minded bigots that spent my formative years tormenting me for being different.  There's nothing wrong with being trans, nothing wrong with my being trans, and nothing wrong with my not being the way other people insist I have to be.  There's something wrong with a society that makes life hell for people simply because they don't fit some people's stupid prejudices.

In total agreement with this sentiment.

[Dee Marshall]

I feel like using prosthetics can backfire sometimes when dealing with dysphoria because it's a reminder of what you don't have.

I absolutely agree with this. I'll even take it a step further. The more successful I am with each step the more dysphoria I feel over what's left. Objectively, my beard shadow isn't bad and I've gotten better with makeup, but I still see every hair peeking through.

   

I feel like using prosthetics can backfire sometimes when dealing with dysphoria because it's a reminder of what you don't have.

In fact, a lot of ftms who bind talk about needing to bind to have the confidence to leave the house but feeling their dysphoria doubled when they need to take the binder off.

I struggle with packing and so to a lot of ftms. If you don't feel like the prosthetic is a part of you it can just draw your attention to your dysphoria and cause you to suffer more.

I wouldn't want anyone to come away with the impression that feeling bad when attempting to use prosthetics means you're "not trans enough".

[AnxietyDisord3r]

My argument that I've admitted to have beat to death with my therapist is that what if I am so heterosexual (as a man, or boy as it were), too hetero in fact, that I want to become what I love most; those of the fairer gender. This first came up at 17 when a female friend of mine walked in my bedroom to hang out and noticed all the girlie posters in my room. It was plastered by them. My poor mother. The girl asked me why I had so many and I replied I sooooo love women. Then she asked me, "Do you want to be one?" or something like that. It was the first time I thought about wanting to be female although I experimented with girl clothes for many years prior.

Have any of you entertained this thought? Sometimes it comes to mind, like that lady with the clogs. If I see a lady with long flowing hair, fumbling with makeup, or carefully negotiating the snow in her heels. I keep thinking if I were built so manly and muscular, and a macho attitude to match, maybe if a beautiful woman love me would satisfy all my GD feelings. Well right after my divorce I kind of proved that while I looked male, and could go back to the gym to build my self up again, my mind would not match my body whatsoever. 2 beautiful women dumped me because I was too psychologically feminine.

It almost sounds like you're struggling with feelings of homoeroticism. Having lived as a gay person for many years I don't think there's anything wrong with that but I do find it a little humorous to contemplate attempting to purge homoeroticism through extreme heterosexuality. I guess a lot of people have tried that in one way or another, though.

I'm having to come to terms with my own heteroeroticism, which I always felt disconnected from due to my dysphoria. If I experienced autoandrophilia in my mind I had to conceptualize it as two men together (homoerotic) even though I'm not attracted to guys that way. I'm getting more comfortable with the hetero thing but it's difficult. Heterosexuality has a lot of sexist baggage, for one thing, baggage I've always found violently repulsive.

A minor thing for me having top surgery was having to say goodbye to homoerotic thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I never fit in for one second as a "lesbian" but in some way, same sex loving was an "easy" button because everything is mirrored. There was no hard line between autoeroticism and partner sexuality.

CarissaJaye, I am sure there is a hot bi femme out there who will definitely appreciate your feminine side. Not all feminine women are heterosexual--not even close--thank goodness!

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Until I hit the low of actually pretending to be a male over the internet, introducing myself as female just felt disgusting to me.

How is this a low? Maybe I'm "an old" but many cis women used gender neutral or male handles in the olden days to keep the jerks from texting "a/s/l" and ruder stuff at them constantly on IRC. (Yep, I'm an old.) I used male and gender neutral handles because for one thing there is no prize handed out for being openly a woman on the internet, just a ton of harassment. And secondly, because I felt more comfortable that way, especially when I used gender neutral handles and people took me for male because of how I talked. It helped a lot with social dysphoria in one way (but upsetting in another, in that just the way I looked convinced people in meatspace that I was a feminine woman ... without those markers, folks assume I'm male).

Online environments like MUDs (god, I'm an old) can be a relatively safe place to explore your gender identity and see how you do with a different social gender without facing consequences for being a big fat queer in your real life. It's not a low point, it's a tool to know yourself.

I'll be honest, any women who is open about being a woman on the internet (which, as we all know, is for trolls) is a lot braver and tougher than myself. I don't think I could take that much negative crap every time I log on.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I get more dysphoric during the holidays also. I think it has alot to do with the pressure the holidays bring from trying to meet our family's and friends' expectations of who they think we are vs. who we really are. Mine's got to the point where I attempted suicide this New Year already.

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. Folks put us under so much pressure--so much more than they realize--and more than we can bear. Keep the faith. You know you have found your answers, even if it isn't an easy path.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

"If there were a button you can press and magically change your gender, with no complications or changes to the rest of your life would you".  Yes, I would smash that button home and become a woman with no thought. 

yes its one thing to say , I will have a surgery to get rid of this penis, but its another scenario if there's magic pill I can take to replace it with a vagina, I would take it in half a second.

I did start taking female hormones 8 years ago, and I used the name Casey because I know its a gender neutral name. I started out with just herbal hormones but than it escalated, but to this day, I am still not sure if I am a woman or if I am just a feminine gay bottom. I cant figure myself out. I just cant. its one of the worst feeling in the world, not knowing who the hell you are and not ever knowing if you made the right decision , or if you messed it all up.

I'm not a doctor, but IMO if you're doing better on HRT than you were without, then stay on HRT. I know it's easy to go on a med, feel better, and feel "cured" and like you don't need your meds any more when you do.

We are all suffering from the same problem--a developmental disorder of incomplete masculinization. Different parts of us got masculinized, and the degree varies between individuals. So you could very easily be in-between in your experience of gender, and in fact, we would expect it based on what little we know about fetal development.

[MysteyV]

Hello,

I am kind of back from taking a short break from this website. I need to find out if there is anyone out there like me, because right now I can't relate to anybody and feel very alone. I know many of you have tried to help me and I am very grateful for your help, but I still struggle to relate to anyone's story.

A little information about me. I am a 43 year old male, married for 14 years. I came out to my wife about 6 months ago that I think I might be born in the wrong body. My wife is struggling but also understanding and sticking by me. I never really "knew" that I was trans or "supposed" to be a girl. There have been times throughout my life where I wished I was a girl but it has never been something that constantly ate away at me. Lately it has been getting worse and my dysphoria ranges from completely off the charts to non-existent. So sometimes I think I am definitely trans, and other times I think WTF was I thinking, I'm just a guy. It is incredibly confusing. I have been seeing a gender therapist for a few months now and thought I was making progress. But over the Christmas break I seem to have gone backwards and now am struggling more than ever. I have trouble accepting I am trans and do not want it under any circumstances.

I have 2 questions.
1) How can you know for certain that you are transgender? There is no medical test to prove it.

2) Is there anyone out there that has a similar story to mine? From what I have read, people either know they trans from a young age or those that find out later in life welcome it and are happy to be trans. I DON'T want it. I just want to be a normal guy. It is ruining my life.

Thank you for reading my rant.

J

For me I knew at age 5 years old. I tried to cut off my penis and scrotum and ended up in hospital.

They referred me to a psychiatrist who assumed all trans kids were just "weak males"

I then had all toys confiscated, taught how to walk & talk like a guy, bathroom door opened so I wasn't sitting to urinate, girl friends prohibited, and put on a "make a man" programme that was plain old child abuse. Oh it worked, sort of.

I became a ferocious disciplined fighter and extremely angry person. I even used very traditional religion to keep myself suppressed. I became an "alpha of alphas" and hated everyone and everything for it.

Every day looking at the boy then man in the mirror made me more furious. Every time someone called me by my male name encouraged me to turn my rage to yet a higher
setting.

I was then Victoria and am me now, uncloaked, visible.

But eventually the anxiety became too great & I had to transition. I was literally debilitated.

Now I'm me, just happy me.

I always knew.

Kindnesses
Victoria xx

[KristyWalker]

i remember that i saw a test,
so is here the link
http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html
Huges and best wishes 
bye

I don't like those tests I took one a few months ago and it freaked me out when it gave me results I knew were not right I posted about it right after taking it. I just knew I was trans it just took a while for me to accept it I started questioning when I was 25 because thats when I found out that some one who was born with male or female parts could be the opposite gender but did not get correct info and fell into the whole myth if I was transgender I should be attracted to men and I am not, it took until this year for me to get the correct information and come out I am 39 now. I like the advice I have gotten here that if you are questioning your gender more than likely you are trans.     

[RobynD]

I always knew i felt better expressing myself as feminine. Too much masculine and i felt crappy or at the very least i felt like i was acting. Then i became resentful that the world basically expected to me act. Then i became angry over double standards about gender, so i became more and more feminine.

Later in life i took the online tests, tested off the charts, and along with my therapists, got it through my dense brain that i was actually transgender and that instead of just being "the feminine guy", i should just go ahead and be my true gender.

[jayne01]

Hi everyone.

Thanks for your replies. I forgot I started this thread, it has been dormant for a while and kind of a lot has happened since then.

I had actually deleted my account here earlier this year. The same account I used to start this thread. When returned, I signed up again and used the same username, but all my previous posts did not link to my new account, so All the old posts kind of fell off my radar.

I can now answer my own question in my OP. How do you know for sure that you are trans?
My answer to that is, you just do. It is not a helpful answer to someone who is asking the question, but once you finally understand and accept yourself it makes much more sense. The answer many people gave me was that if you are wondering if you are trans, then you are trans, because cis people do not ask that kind of question. That is probably the best answer I got, but in the end, I needed to just work it out on my own in my own way.

I started a new thread on here when I rejoined the forum which has become quite a long thread. I have had so much good advice and support from everybody who replied to me. I went from unhappy to depressed to a kind of confused happiness back to depressed and finally accepting myself and being truly happy. And determined to stay happy.

If anybody is bored, here is the link to my current thread, but be warned, it is a very long thread.

There is no solution to this.....or maybe there is!
https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Esusans%2Eorg%2Fforums%2Findex%2Ephp%3Ftopic%3D207772&share_tid=207772&share_fid=50490&share_type=t

So my question in my first post is no longer relevant. I know that I am trans. I am a trans woman and proud to be me. Accepting that has given me so much joy.

Jayne

[KristyWalker]

I am so happy you were able to find yourself! With Love, Kris

Sent from my SM-G920T1 using Tapatalk