Such a great discussion! I love what you've both posted above and can see both being 'right,' not that you were arguing with each other. One of the questions I was asked yesterday was how often I look the way I did. Actually I'll pop up a picture. That was a selfie the day before and I did my makeup much better yesterday than this pic. I'm only putting this because it was something I was asked: do you always dress female?
The discussion was a good one. I came away wishing I had said more about hating my male-ness. For me though that's not the penis as such (I like cocks
) but everything about being male. As I've mentioned, I'd happily lop off my testicles tomorrow if I could.
I was questioned a lot about this whole area of social transitioning as per the above discussion. Although I had a fair amount of documentary proof, I didn't have a complete set of it so will need to tidy up some loose areas for my GIC#2 in about 2 months. That's me realising that, not what they said. I'm a non-medical doctor (PhD) and so my prefix hasn't changed. I was questioned on that, which I can understand, but I said I worked bloody hard for my doctorate and wasn't keen to drop it. I'd love to be called Ms though. There was also some discussion about places where I might feel less comfortable about female role and I suggested that both teaching in a school (which I do rarely) and taking my eight year old son to a football match are the two. I just felt it was better to be honest, but I also said that the teaching thing is because I've not yet had voice coaching. There was discussion about my passport which I haven't changed because it's so damned expensive and the guidelines do state clearly that you don't have to. This was queried but hey ho. I will change it just as soon as I get back from Thailand in March.
I was questioned about my name change which is Richard to Richenda. This is where I also agree with you Debstar. For me, and this is just my own view, I still see those years as part of my journey. The inner me, who has screamed out for a gender identity that's true, sees the old as part of that journey: not something I'm going to pretend never happened. Having said all that, I have always loved the name Richenda and about 25 years ago said to friends it's the name I'd take if I transition. The other thing is that all my friends call me Chen (which I asked), which I love love love and Chen is my Facebook profile. I had a print out of that which seemed to go down well, I guess because 'Chen' is worlds away from Richard. (There's a slight complication in that I have a published bestseller in my old name but that's something for another time.)
I was asked what I wanted from the NHS so, Kayla, I think you're spot on about that: they won't tell you what's on offer or push you to have something. It needs to come from us. Fortunately I'd done my prep on this, thanks largely to this forum and reading online, so said what I would like to have. I've effectively asked for the full works. That's because, the more this rather fast referral has happened, the more happy I feel about going through with the whole shebang.
I do agree with you, though, Debstar too very much about this. There's still a heavy binary mentality over gender in my view, which sits at odds with some other countries: Thailand being the obvious example. It's soooooooo much easier to 'RLE' there. Actually you can wear and be whatever you want so long as you don't harm anyone else.
Just occasionally in the UK you also encounter transitioners who are more evangelical than society at large: 'you're not a true this or that unless you have such and such.' I like the fact that this forum clearly states that there's no 'one size fits all' attitude. I really do understand the need for some MtF's and FtM's to be very clearcut about their new gender identity (and perhaps I will be same when it has finally happened), but the current setup does not, in my view, cater for a continuum between two polar extremes, nor for those on a journey.
I had lots of positives from yesterday. Some things I wish I'd said more on but never mind, I can do so next time. Other things went way better than I expected e.g. the hormones discussion. There were some very funny moments sharing stories from my past and I enjoyed flicking back my cardigan to show my natural boobs: I decided not to wear a bra for that reason.
I guess this discussion has made me realise that if you're to get through the recommendations under the NHS you have to step out and
demonstrate you're stepping out. I've taken the plunge on this and am doing it. I'll tidy up some loose grey areas before the next appointment. So, in theory, it should be fine unless there's something else I'm not being told. But, and it's a big but, I'm far from convinced that the way the current guidelines exist are right for everyone. I suppose the problem is that if you offer transition as part of a personal experiment the system might be swamped by people trying it. I guess I understand that they have to avoid that. In my view though it would be neither difficult nor costly to offer hormone treatment before so-called full RLE. Waiting times for first referral are so long and the system so difficult that many people self-med, self harm or take their lives. It's an avoidable tragedy and one that must be stopped.
