So there's this lovely woman who I work with - in the seven months I've been in the job I've grown close to her and we get along really well. She's very friendly, is bi/pan/queer (not sure which) sexual and has sometimes flirted with me in a fun way and I can't deny that it hasn't crossed my mind if she and I could ever become "a thing". I do like her quite a lot, she is very spunky and, as I said, I think she's lovely... but I can't say I feel any attraction for her. It's a weird feeling, to appreciate and love someone but not want to get intimate with them. I've noticed that quite a bit lately with my female friends... I think it's the estrogen and low testosterone speaking as I literally have zero libido right now.
And yet... first day back at work today for both of us... I was talking to another woman in the lobby when my colleague walks in, she is, as is the case most days, in a good mood but something feels tangibly different, like she's in a really good mood. The woman I was talking to, who also knows my colleague, asks her how her holiday was - the response? "Great! (pause) I got laid!" She laughed and dashed off to the elevator.
I caught the lift up with her and learned that her fling was with another woman - and I have to say I had a very strange reaction to the news overall, one I don't think I've felt before. I wasn't jealous - like I said, I don't feel a strong sexual attraction to her and it's awesome if she can get laid... it obviously had made her very happy! It's weird though; I could sense her sexual vibe - if that makes any sense whatsoever. I could sense her joy and it made me feel sad that I'd never be able to have that kind of experience... even with GRS there's still a few things missing from under the hood, like a G spot and a variety of other awesome inside bits and functions. I know I could still have a really awesome sexual experience - GRS or no GRS - but in that moment I really wanted what she was having!!
I didn't feel jealous of her and her fun sexy times experience - I felt sad for myself. I wasn't devastated and didn't need to cry or anything, and I could still have a laugh along with her and feel happy for her but I did feel sad. Never had that experience before... I can't say I liked it much.
Sheesh.
No worries, I'm fine now!