Trouble identifying myself... (please read)

[gorillazofficial]

Hi everyone! I'm a little new to this website, but I came along because I found a post that was slightly similar to mine, but didn't have the specifics I was quite looking for, so I'll go ahead and start.
I am a trans boy (FTM, if you want to call it that) and I've been identifying as such for about 8 months, even though I had feelings about it earlier than that (I have not 'transitioned my identity'—I do not present as masculine yet. The only people I have come out to are my older sister, my mother, and various friends. They have all been accepting, though some more than others. I am grateful for this). The thing is, I don't know how to explain anything about it. In middle school I was bullied and taunted over my weird looks and awkward nature because of the fact I wasn't stereotypically feminine, but I still liked being a girl back then. I was feminine enough and I enjoyed it. That's just the thing—I enjoyed my femininity after I overcame that streak of looking weird and awkward. But I almost feel like my femininity had been 'robbed' from me, and that I could never truly be confident in myself as a girl, no matter how hard I tried and I wanted to.
I haven't found many trans boys like me—ones who truly liked being a girl at one point. I don't know how to work this out in my head. I think the reason I began identitying as a boy was because I found so many boys whose looks I was jealous of, and because I loved the idea of people calling me 'he' and by my chosen name—it was that simple. I never hated my female body, even though I do bind my chest (it's just part of the identity, I'm sure). I know people who say 'you don't have to hate how you were physically born to be transgender', and I embrace that. I don't want to physically transition, even though in the past months I have been considering top surgery for when I get older. But I still can't decide. I've had a few identity crisises over the past month. Due to the fact that I am still presenting as a girl, I found I don't hate being how I am, but I just can't shake the fact that I am a boy at heart. I'm sorry if this has been confusing or repetitive, but I just needed to get it all out in a community that I hope will support me. Thank you for reading and/or responding, if you could :-)

[Dee Marshall]

There are all kinds of ways of being trans. You sound like you MIGHT fit in the gender queer subset but only you can say for sure. Only you can diagnose yourself as trans, but if you can find a therapist to help you sort it out that might be a good idea. The hard thing, for you, is that early on, the only trans people anyone knew about were the standard narrative FtM types, mostly, I think, because they were the easiest to spot. It's still mostly what people think of. Don't let anyone, family, friends, teachers, not even us push you in a direction you don't want or aren't ready for. Best of luck and welcome!

[Ritana]

It could be that you are going through a phase of self-exploration and that you need to find out who you really are, or it could be that you are simply a non-binary. Either way, only time will tell. In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself hun.

[Dena]

Welcome to Sudan's Place. We don't all have the same feelings and this is something that takes time to decide. I have been post surgical 33 years but I have a fair amount of my masculine side that still lives with me. Others on the site have found they only need a limited number of changes to remain comfortable in their birth gender. Still others have found mixes in between the two. You need to find what makes you happy and don't use what anyone else has done for a pattern.

I am going to give you two links that may help some depending on your current knowledge. The first one is our Wiki which will describe the better known areas of ->-bleeped-<-. The second is "the transition channel" which is a series of videos that will help you understand things from a medical view point. You should consider a gender therapist because you will be able to explore yourself much deeper in therapy.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome 

First I'd say try to relax...

You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596

Many transgender people learned to adapt from childhood on, kind of trying to adapt to expectations.
Knowing helps. You might try to listen what gives you a good feeling concerning yourself.
With time you will learn more and more to discern what comes from within, and what you'd like.
Of course all within reason.

I'd say read up a little... think a bit about it... ask a few questions...
there is also a chat on susans...

and remember its a journey... stay open to new things...


here are other young trans people:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1758946.html#msg1758946


*hugs*

[purplewuggybird]

I think that something important to think about is that not every trans person hates the way they were born or their gender at birth. Because quite honestly there are plenty of people who didn't have much of an issue with their birth gender but decided that being cisgender wasn't amazing and that they were _______. I can't tell you who you are or anything but it's just something to think about. In my opinion being transgender just means you don't feel absolutely amazing being cisgender and that you have determined that the opposite gender fits you better. Just something to think about.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk