Maybe I wasn't the whole problem but I was a lot of it. This one I feel particularly bad about. My wife has English as a second language so sometimes she has difficulty finding the right word for something. Now I actually did understand almost all the time but because I was feeling bad so much I would intentionally misunderstand and come across as sarcastic mocking. That nearly always quickly devolved into a fight. I'm not really sure why I did it either, maybe somewhere in my mind was the feeling that since I felt bad she should be punished. Yeah, I was an a••.
And she didn't deserve it either. At one point a while ago she did used to fly into rages when she found I had been CDing. She even told my kids that I was all sorts of bad things. Finally, in despair, about 10 years ago I told her I was trans as best I could across the languages. Once she understood she seemed to quickly accept it and all the anger and recrimination was gone. So, there she was a saint and may have saved my life because I was seriously considering ending everything then.
But still the dysphoria was eating at me and over time I began to repay her understanding with meanness. The only way I have been able to get beyond that is taking action to deal with the dysphoria directly which for the time being is HRT and growing my hair.
So I do accept responsibility for the majority of the past difficulties even if the real root cause was beyond my control at the time.
My wife is pretty "alpha" and so am I although in my case I'm not sure if it's real or something I created. Probably it doesn't matter because even if it's created it became real over time. But I don't think that was ever a real part of the problem. One thing though, don't ever believe that Asians are meek and submissive like in the movies. LOL. Iron willed and full of fire is more accurate.
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