Help in transition, talking to family

[Remamian]

There are many in my life, upon saying that I finally was going to take the step forward, that have been gung-ho about being there for me and supporting. I am truly blessed that I've been an integral part in many peoples transition both online and real life and have a wonderful group of people to go to when I need comfort and encouragement. My partner (SO, future wife) has been the biggest comfort and motivator, excited to have a husband and hopefully a wife in her future. My problems are not in this realm or with any of them.

My problems are with my family. Father, Mother, Sister ... those closest to me. They are very Christian based, and while very open and accepting, have directly and openly shown excessive walls put up when in comes to anything LGBT. This lack of understand and acceptance has been my biggest weakness, and at the moment I am using excuses to be able to start the transitional phase. I am sure as things start to become more noticeable that this will be something I cannot hide.

My father is a Southern Baptist pastor, who tends to be very modern in approaches but very traditional in terms of his views of LGBT. We have no LGBT friends or family, and he has voiced very strong feelings against the community's choices. I do want to state this now, my father does not have any issues with the people... but the choices they make being against his principles and morality.

My mother and sister tend to follow his views, but not as strong. They would have excessive reservations and be against it, but i'm sure in time they would be accepting just as they have with most changes in their lives. My father is the difficult hurdle.



What sorts of methods would help me begin to widdle down the hard, stone barrier that is around my fathers core of acceptance to allow it to be a slow transition instead of sudden shock (which I know will be met with hostility)

[Tamika Olivia]

There isn't really a way to game this out. People generally don't come around due to abstracts and moral arguments, they come around because of people they know and love. The best way to start chipping at the stone barrier is to come out to them. It won't be easy for them to hear, and they may hurt you, but if you are close with them, they'll most likely come around. From your post it sounds like you've got a good support network to fall back on, and it also sounds as though you have financial independence. You may end up with a strained relationship for a while, before eventually finding a new normal, or they may cut ties... but you won't have to live in a closet or allow this to impact your transition.

Also, keep in mind, you don't always know how people will react. My parents are very similar to your parents, from the sounds of it, and they bounced back within months. It was strained at times, and there were some hurtful things said, but our love for each other won out in the end.

[Emily-G]

While I can't say what to do, and what not to do because I haven't done it. I can say that I am in a very similar position as my mother worked in a Baptist Church most of her life, as well as my sister and my dad was a deacon at a church. I feel your pain in knowing this will not be easy or difficult and to be honest... Your parents may initially feel like they have to sacrifice their beliefs, and their souls just to accept you. Which will hurt, that's currently what I am imagining for me.

I personally do not believe this to be the case, as I think it's a medical condition. Just like any other illness that is treated, this is similar. I think when I eventually tell my parents, I think it'll be important to emphasize this.

My fear, is that even though my parents live in a completely different state, I can just imagine my dad taking a few days off work and randomly showing up at my address to try and "rescue me".

Sorry I can't give any words of wisdom, this is a difficult situation to be in. Hopefully it helps to know others are in a similar boat and that your not alone.