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Feeling dirty

Started by leacobb, January 10, 2016, 08:25:38 AM

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leacobb

On the way back from my boyfriends house i got a taxi like i always do. The driver i got i never had since my surgery, i got in the car and i was about half way then he said " wow you have changed a bit havnt you" jokingly i replyed " yeah a little" then he said "about 4 weeks ago i dropped of someone who went from a guy to a woman" i was like "ok" then he said" i dont know why people do it, to much pain man " i said " some people dont have a chose, they have to do it" he said " no its wrong" i then said " whatever you believe" then he said" i think it is all sexual, isnt that why your dressed that way ? I dont mean to be rude but i have made loads of sex films too".. I told him that i am this way because it is who i am female, and this convo is making me really uncomfortable" i felt do dirty after the journey, and still feel dirty now... I have reported this.. But why do people still find it hard to understand transgenderisum??

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rikki88

i feel it's because it's like how being gay was such a horrible thing long ago. People are uneducated on the fact that it's not a choice to feel the we do. Most feel it's a choice we make and that we wake up one day and say hey you know I'm gonna be a woman why not..... To me it comes down to not understanding that it's not a choice we made to feel the way we do.
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Laura_7

Well you might have your answer ready:
there are biological causes for being transgender.
There are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible.
There are even substances known which cause a higher rate of this mismatch.

So people feel this way and can't help it. Its not their fault and they can't change it.
Its a birth condition like others imo so people are called to help.
The usual remedy is to change the body to what the brain feels.

Concerning sexual ... well cis girls see themselves as sexy too, its completely natural.


What you feel is the emotional charge of the speech of the individual.
Thats why I like to remain calm, so not much emotions boil over.

Try to listen to some music, watch a nice romantic vid or read something you like, to get rid of the emotional charge.

Well some people might still have some restraints but hopefully this changes, with better sentiment, more media coverage etc.

And having an answer ready, and maybe rehearsing or memorizing part of it might help.


hugs
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Deborah

I think you can present all the facts in the world to many people and they still won't get it.  For some it's because of their religion and for them religion overrules evidence and facts.  For others I think it's because they have no concept of mind and they view identity as no more than animal instincts centered on their genitals.  With either one there is no basis for common discussion so the best thing is simply to ignore them and tune out the emotions as best you can.  It also helps to see them for what they are, "The Village Idiots."


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Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being....  - Dan Barker

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FTMax

For some people, it's just beyond their realm of comprehension. If they've never met a trans person or felt an inkling of confusion about gender in any sense, I imagine it's pretty tough to understand.

Unfortunately most people's understanding of trans people is influenced by the various forms of entertainment, adult or otherwise. That's why diversity and visibility are so important. If you never see positive stories about trans people, or you never see them outside of pornography, what are you going to think about them?

No matter what though, I wouldn't let it get to you. He is clearly in the wrong to have taken the conversation in that direction and to have made you feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with who you are.
T: 12/5/2014 | Top: 4/21/2015 | Hysto: 2/6/2016 | Meta: 3/21/2017

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Kanzaki

Most people have either never heard about it, or are misinformed. Another large reason is because they themselves are not trans, so they have no way of relating to it, and therefore can't really comprehend it well. They can understand the fact that someone wants to transition, but they don't understand why. While you could take your time explaining it to them, I don't think most people would truly understand and be able to relate.


Quote from: Laura_7 on January 10, 2016, 08:57:30 AM
There are even substances known which cause a higher rate of this mismatch.

Are you referring to hormones being released in the womb while the fetus is still developing? If not, do you happen to know anything else about this? Like what the substances would be and all?
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stephaniec

I don't know if it's necessary about transgender as it is about the persons interest in sex and trying to engage someone about it to who knows to what end. About  maybe a year ago a cab driver gave me his number which I did not ask for and showed up at the Starbucks that I go to. . His mentioning of all those porn films is probably a good indication of his ultimate intention. It's got nothing to do about you accept being a piece of meat like any other woman.
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Kylo

Looks like he answered your question. He thinks it's a sex thing and is pretty ignorant of the subject at large.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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Laura_7

Quote from: Kanzaki on January 10, 2016, 11:57:45 AM
Most people have either never heard about it, or are misinformed. Another large reason is because they themselves are not trans, so they have no way of relating to it, and therefore can't really comprehend it well. They can understand the fact that someone wants to transition, but they don't understand why. While you could take your time explaining it to them, I don't think most people would truly understand and be able to relate.

Well in my opinion they could understand.
First thing they need to understand is they feel comfortable with their body and their expression and that there are people where it is different. Most people would not have thought of it.

QuoteAre you referring to hormones being released in the womb while the fetus is still developing? If not, do you happen to know anything else about this? Like what the substances would be and all?

One of the substances is called DES and there is a thread on it:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,84224.200.html


hugs
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Michelle86

That's terrible.  Hope you are ok.  You have to realize that it has nothing to do with you.
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RobynD

I had a very similar conversation foisted on me by a pedal cab driver in San Diego last year. I'm not sure which culture he was from but he was all ...." its wrong" and " why would anyone choose to be a woman ", all the stupid questions. By the end of the trip, i was glad to be off and also glad that he had to peddle up hill the entire way to my hotel.


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HoneyStrums

A sex thing? isnt that reason why most people behave and prsent themselves to the world the way they do?
That is of course why your dressed the way you are isnt it?
I mean, for most of us there comes a point in our lives when we start looking for a person to share our life with?
But before we can do that we have to be noticed. Make orselves seen, but seen as desierable? And this is done in a variety of ways. And in some species including our own the exspression of desirablility is done in more then one way.

Including, but not limited to, visual presentation,and body luanguage.

But thats not all their is to it. for the most part society has created a very binary presentation of people as a whole. The realty is that people are individuals and no two people are the same.

These bineries exsist only as sterio types,  men and women that are not actualy man or woman at all and are instead only examples of what is exspected.

And every single person alive is judged by other people, and then accepted or rejected by how close to, or divergent from these exspectations they are.

However the destict differences you may atribute to man and woman are not caused by gender, they are in fact caused by the chemistery in our brains and we as people conforming to our likes and our dislikes and our hopes desires and dreams.

Gender is applied after to the fact in accordence with what one exspects. That Is how, a genderless space in the spectrum can be called girls.

I correct anybody who tells me its wrong. "no!!! its wrong for you" then smile
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Mariah

It can be difficult for some to understand something that they have never experience themselves and as a result have no frame of reference to work from. It's foreign to them as a result. We can try to educate and teach them about it, but that doesn't always guarantee they will understand. You might try giving them some information and try to educate them on the subjection. Hugs
Mariah
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.
[email]mariahsusans.orgstaff@yahoo.com[/email]
I am also spouse of a transgender person.
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