So, some of you may have noticed how discouraged and doubtful I've been, and how I've considered giving up my attempts at exploring my identity. Well I went to another LGBT gamers event as female again expecting this wouldn't work out, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Most of the people there were guys (including one trans guy), with only about 10 girls. However, about half of those girls were trans, and meeting others was worth it. Made some new friends as a result, got involved in a Super Smash Bros tournament (didn't make it past the first round, but had fun), and played Cards Against Humanity and Uno afterward. Really, I think being out around others and just letting myself slip naturally into the role is the way to do it. I'm feeling a lot more confident about myself now. I'm still undecided on where I fit in with regards to gender, but I'm convinced I should keep experimenting and not give up.
(The small number of girls wasn't surprising, and neither was the disproportionate number of trans girls among them. The gaming industry has traditionally been marketing more toward guys, and gaming culture in general has tended to exclude women. The few that were there were likely the few who didn't feel excluded, and many of those were largely included because they weren't perceived as female for much of their lives.)
I also exchanged contact info with a couple of girls who transitioned five years ago, and we might do a shopping trip together (I have very few girl clothes and having some help with that would be nice).
Oh, also there's another step I'm thinking of taking. Amazing Arizona Con is coming up next month and I'm deciding on possible characters to cosplay. I think I might try cosplaying as Rey from The Force Awakens this time if I can get some help with making the costume.
