Last night I had the most horrific nightmare. My Mom was getting into an argument with my stepdad and suddenly she knocked her head against the wall and she crashed to floor unconscious. It was especially traumatizing seeing blood rapidly pool from her head onto the floor while my stepdad knelt next to her, yelling in anguish. I kept saying "No, no, no, please don't leave..."
When I woke up I was hysterical, muttering 'No' at least a dozen times, crying. It was the single most emotionally scarring dream I've had since the night I dreamed one of my friends was kidnapped. I was so upset I could barely go back to sleep. It made me think about how much I hate death. I know I can't attend another funeral. I went to my friend's Dad's funeral and that was enough to send me over the edge emotionally. It was open casket and his Dad lost his fight to cancer. I just couldn't look at his body knowing he was never waking up, his body empty forever and soon it would rot, I felt utterly horrified. No matter how many times people tell me death is a natural process, it still freaks me out in the end. And I won't be able to keep it together when my parents or anyone else in my family will have their time.
I've had dreams of dying before but they were of me dying. Rarely were they about friends who died, and I would wake up crying with relief that they never actually happened. This was a really terrifying nightmare and I almost don't feel like sleeping tonight...
