Some Perspective on BF

[starting_anew]

So my bf and I have been going out for nearly four months.  So far, he's been really wonderful, and a huge source of support in my life.  He's made a point of telling everyone in his life about me, and I've met basically all his friends.  I'm waiting to meet his family because I want to be able to pass more definitively as female before I do.

Recently, he's been telling me that he hates seeing me deal with prejudice and deal with people's ignorance on a fairly regular basis.  On a couple of occasions, he's even gotten tearful talking about this topic.  Because I used to present as a gay male in my previous life, and I'm also visibly Middle Eastern, I'm more or less used to dealing with people's ignorance, whereas this is fairly new territory for him as a straight-identified white guy.  I should also add that I've recently dealt with a really major loss in my personal life, and so him supporting me with my trans-related struggles is just one thing on top of several other things.

Of course, I am incredibly grateful to him for his compassion, but sometimes I wonder if my life/things I deal with will be too much for him to handle.  Anyone ever find themselves in a similar situation, specifically while dating a cis person?  If so, how did this person cope with this experience?  Any tips/perspective?

I'm really crazy about this guy, and I want to make sure my life doesn't become a burden for him...

[stephaniec]

Personally, I haven't had much luck for a very long time with relationships so what I say should be critically suspect. That being said, I think you should have some faith in him in knowing himself and what he wants in life. I wouldn't sell him to short in the awareness department of what he's getting into and acceptance and willingness  to get into.

[Mallory]

It takes a very strong person to keep another individual standing upright when they're fixing to buckle at the knee's for whatever reason.  My advice would be to not take his caring, loving heart for granted - ever.  Allow him to be supportive, but try to create a two way street.  In return, make sure you fully support him in all of his endeavors so that there is parity there.  That is what creates longevity and something that will last; working together as a team and effectively communicating.

Wish you the best of luck, hun. He sounds like a keeper.

[Wednesday]

It takes a very strong person to keep another individual standing upright when they're fixing to buckle at the knee's for whatever reason.  My advice would be to not take his caring, loving heart for granted - ever.  Allow him to be supportive, but try to create a two way street.  In return, make sure you fully support him in all of his endeavors so that there is parity there.  That is what creates longevity and something that will last; working together as a team and effectively communicating.

Wish you the best of luck, hun. He sounds like a keeper.

Ditto.

I'm going to add my golden rule with boys: *never* let them feel useless about themselves.

As cliche as may sound, they really love to feel useful and to fix things. Not overwhelm them by speaking a lot about your struggles, they prefer acting to listening, and they may become frustrated if they feel they can't do anything  to fix your troubles.

[starting_anew]

Thanks you three.  That gives me food for thought. 

Before I met him, I was told that I should probably hold off on dating until I'm a year into my transition because the first year is a period of self-involvement.  Keeping this in mind, I've tried to remain mindful of when I might be acting selfishly and, as a result, have done my best to give him attention and make him feel appreciated every chance I get - and I genuinely mean it each time.  My feelings for him make this really easy for me to do. 

I guess there's no way to predict the future of a relationship, but at least being there for him and caring for him is one way of helping it to stay in good shape .  And to help him manage things as best as possible!

[April_TO]

Love this Wednesday xo thanks for the advise.

Ditto.

I'm going to add my golden rule with boys: *never* let them feel useless about themselves.

As cliche as may sound, they really love to feel useful and to fix things. Not overwhelm them by speaking a lot about your struggles, they prefer acting to listening, and they may become frustrated if they feel they can't do anything  to fix your troubles.

[April_TO]

The advices you got here are just amazing. Anyways, I think you are on the right path beauty.
It is truly a two way street and sometimes it feels that we are being a burden to our loved ones just because our journey isn't the easiest compared to others. But I think with the way you've been handling it, it seems like you got a good handle on things.

Stay positive and beautiful xo

Thanks you three.  That gives me food for thought. 

Before I met him, I was told that I should probably hold off on dating until I'm a year into my transition because the first year is a period of self-involvement.  Keeping this in mind, I've tried to remain mindful of when I might be acting selfishly and, as a result, have done my best to give him attention and make him feel appreciated every chance I get - and I genuinely mean it each time.  My feelings for him make this really easy for me to do. 

I guess there's no way to predict the future of a relationship, but at least being there for him and caring for him is one way of helping it to stay in good shape .  And to help him manage things as best as possible!

[starting_anew]

The advices you got here are just amazing. Anyways, I think you are on the right path beauty.
It is truly a two way street and sometimes it feels that we are being a burden to our loved ones just because our journey isn't the easiest compared to others. But I think with the way you've been handling it, it seems like you got a good handle on things.

Stay positive and beautiful xo

Thank you April .  Your encouragement helps a lot!  Btw, you're in Toronto?  Me too

[Wednesday]

Aw, thank you very much for your kindness April_TO!! xoxo

Now I wonder If I could be able to make a fortune in love counselling

[April_TO]

I am sweety xo I'm glad to see a fellow beautiful Torontonian here

Thank you April .  Your encouragement helps a lot!  Btw, you're in Toronto?  Me too

[April_TO]

You're welcome beauty why don't you sweets. You articulated your advise so well.
Beauty and Brains huh - Wednesday xo

Aw, thank you very much for your kindness April_TO!! xoxo

Now I wonder If I could be able to make a fortune in love counselling