Why do some guys talk about trans?

[Wild Flower]

Today, I went to work early and I waiting on my computer. This manager is obsessively annoying about peoples lives, insisting this or that, or just asking to many questions.

Anyways, I was dodling something on a notepad, and he insisted to see it like for over a minute with me. I denied him of that. But then he made it seem like I was drawing porn or "chicks with -----". Which I clearly was not, it was really just female face. Its not uncommon for him to think nasty or like that so I then show him, which killt off that rumor. But why insist so bad? And so ugly?

Why does his psychology go there, is he into trans women? I tend to think when a guy mentions trans-stuff he is into it. I dont know. I remember thinking he was checking me out the very first time I met him.

[audreelyn]

You could respectfully ask him, if you're comfortable enough to find out. Nobody is a mind reader.
If I had to guess, maybe he's trying to figure you out. What does that mean? Probably just doing some aggressive probing.

What would you think if he was into you?
How would you handle that if so?

Good luck, be safe

Audree

[DanielleA]

Sounds to me like your boss is a bit of a dick. But then perhaps he has had to deal with other workers drawing inappropriate pictures on work time before and made an assumption. Maybe someone complained...

[Wild Flower]

No one would complain about that since he was obviously just trying to stir things up. It could be that something that HE does or think about. I dont doodle all that often.

---
I dont think hes conciously into me. Im not on his mind. But he could be into trans. (like any guy could), but he associate my art with trans.... Soo he could be thinking I am, unconciously.

Its not that I think he is thinking exactly that. But its like his associative thinking and his , "priming" like you see red hearts, you think of love and Valentines.

[itsApril]

Your manager sounds like a toxic ->-bleeped-<-.  Welcome to the world of work.  I think we've all worked for someone like that.  (Fun party game: after everyone has had a few drinks, go around the room and have everyone tell about the worst job they ever had.)

Bullies are always probing for the sensitivities and emotional weak points of the people they pick out to harass.  It may be that he has sensed that gender is a feature he can use to pick on you, and that the reference to "chicks with _____" indicates specific targeting to his harassment.  It may also have just been a simple offensive coincidence.

It's a commonplace observation that stridently homophobic people who are obsessed with the issue and can't stop ranting about it are often struggling with homosexual urges inwardly, and that the bitterness of their attacks masks fear of their own inward feelings.  Certainly the same might be true of stridently transphobic people as well.

[Myrrial32]

When dealing with others, improving your people skills is always helpful. Not only can it help with specific types of problem people you can't stand, but it can give you a leg up in a lot of general dealings day to day. There are all different types of difficult people, and with the right strategies can do wonders. You can potentially stop their attacks, you can even win them over if you understand what is going on and their angle.
I hope this is helpful. I have done a great deal of self improving over the years, though I have only been transitioning since the summer. I really may be too new to notice if very many guys refer to trans topics or inferences very often. Best of luck dealing with that difficult coworker.

Myrrial

[Jalynn]

I am not totally out especially at work. Maybe I am, not by choice and just don't know it. I thought I wouldn't be easily recognizable dressed female and also didn't fully realize how many "straightish" guys look at online trans ads. Not even sure if it is how I got caught but I did hear comments that tell me somebody knows something and there probably was a rumor going around. Can also tell when some people shy away and start getting the all eyes on me effect even if it isn't so. It's just peachy for anxiety especially when you don't know or the best way to deal with it. Maybe it is also because transgender issues are in full effect at the moment in culture. It does come up fairly regularly I hear men bring up the subject in some regard. Maybe as a joke or worse a dislike for the issue. It's not easy to be around  and can even think the subject was brought up because I was in the vicinity.
I guess men do need a moment to adjust to how quickly the world has changed. Some are just curious about why? I don't think they can really understand. Some would like to ask some questions but there is no easy way to and probably wouldn't be comfortable for me at the moment and don't really know the answers.

[iKate]

I don't hear guys talking about Trans stuff except in a few contexts:

1. Disgust. Some men view us as "tricks" and "traps" and avoid us at all costs.

2. Fascination. Some men are fascinated by Trans women and having sex with Trans women. It's all part of male sexual conquest. I never understood the whole concept of male sexual conquest but apparently it's a thing.

3. Amazement. Someone who "passes" well will often be discussed in the context of "you wouldn't even know" and guys would show mixed emotions including amazement and fear. Guys would joke around among themselves too about sex and sexual conquest.

4. And finally, curiosity. Kind of ties in with all of the above. If someone shows a hint of male features guys will wonder whether she is Trans. Admittedly I've done this myself but kept my thoughts to myself. Actually it was part of my whole coping mechanism because the girl inside me was banging on the windows to be let out of her prison.

Him bringing up the topic is highly inappropriate. At my job nobody mentions it except my close allies, one of whom is a gay guy who is engaged in LGBT activism locally. And he talks more about events and stuff as well as Trans stories (fiction or not) in the media such as transparent and the Danish Girl.

[HappyMoni]

 Hi, 
For a lot of people, I think there is an element of transgender people being something you only hear about on TV. There seems to be a need by people to make themselves feel better by putting others down. A lot of minorities are no longer acceptable to goof on. The focus then might move to trans people, after all, "nobody knows any people who are trans." The fact that people don't know transgender people personally means people tend to know us solely on the historic portrayal of us on TV and movies. We know how wonderful that has been. It hurt me when I came out to some fantastic people (who have been very accepting) when they said, "Let me guess, you are having a sex change." It seemed like the most outrageous thing they could think of  to break the tension at the time. It made me realize that I had my own personal journey ahead, but I also had another consideration. Everyone who is exposed to me, will be watching me. The way I handle myself, may really affect how all  transgender people are viewed by them. It made me want to be as nice and as classy as I can be. I see hostility on my part as counterproductive. My advise to you would be to ignore the jerks. Jerks will probably not be won over, but the one or two other people who could be watching the interaction from the sidelines might be won over  by the classy way you handle yourself. wish you well.
Moni

[iKate]

In my workplace it is verboten to even joke about any protected classes (which includes those under the law and those the company recognizes, and both of them include gender identity and expression). You can be fired on the spot.

[Valwen]

Once again a lot of this comes back to that horrible error of judgement where people make the assumption that trans women are men, rather than having been women all along who where forced to hide themselves. It  is the source of most of the misinformation about trans women. Straight men sit around and think "hmm why would a dude want to be a girl?" and the only answer said straight guy can come up with is "to have sex!" because to most men, conciouslly or not they belive that women are primarily a sexual object and so anyone wanting to be one must want to be a sexual object.

This view is deeply tied to the ages old theory that trans women are just really really really gay guys who want to be girls to have sex with more guys because people confuse sexuality and gender such that gay men are seen as feminine, really its all a horrible toxic mess.

As to the odd obsession some men have with trans women I think it comes in two parts, the first is fear and concern in short the idea that they may find someone they see as male attractive makes they afraid they might be gay. This is also usually the source of the idea that we are traps/liars. So on that one end there misinformation makes them feel fear and concern over there own sexuality.

The other side of it is those who get over that homophobic fear and who are obessed with the idea of having sex with a trans woman, not because she is a woman but because he sees her as a man. Men seem to have some sever  sexual power trips, Obsessed with having sex in the first place and as time goes on, they often seem to want the harder to obtain sexual conquests, strong willed women, virgins, lesbians, those who they see as harder to get into bed or who would be seen as harder to control seem to be a obsession. For some the idea of sex with a trans woman is equated with sex with a man and because in there deluded, misogynistic brains men are stronger than women transwomen are deeply into that catagory of greater sexual conquest.

Or thats my theory, you can read about it in my new book "Men, WTF is wrong with them and do we even really need them anymore" sure to be on your kindle and at your local book stores next summer :-P

Serena, who is probably not a man hating lesbian but who knows.

[Martine A.]

...

This. Thank you for the exhaustive write up.

Also joke. I have heard many trans jokes from certain people at work. When I was out, one guy approached me to apologize. Appreciated.