What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[Eryn T]

I had been progressing step-by-step since the beginning, but I think today was the first time I took a step backwards.

I was in a department store in my dress, without makeup, and I nearly had a panic attack. Nothing happened, but I quickly retreated to my car to get my mask for security, and a cardigan because of my shoulders(also for security)

[V M]

Sleep issues, stupid suicidal ideation gnawing at my brains again and some other somewhat related stuff

[Sephirah]

Sleep issues, stupid suicidal ideation gnawing at my brains again and some other somewhat related stuff

*extra big hug*

You're worth more than that, Virginia. As bad as it gets, you're not alone. Never forget that.

I'm here if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything else.

[Kendra]

*extra big hug*

You're worth more than that, Virginia. As bad as it gets, you're not alone. Never forget that.

I'm here if you want to talk, vent, cry, anything else.

Yes, definitely! 
And Sephira I am sooo glad to see your post here - I hope that means you are recovering well from unexpectedly having to check back into the hospital.

[Sephirah]

Yes, definitely! 
And Sephira I am sooo glad to see your post here - I hope that means you are recovering well from unexpectedly having to check back into the hospital.

I am, sweetie. Thank you. Still very sore, and very tired. But I'm still here, so that's something.

*big hugs*

[SiobhánF]

Knowing that I can't support this forum when it's in need. I tend to abstain from using it when support is lacking.

[Roll]

I've been feeling like a terrible person all morning.

My cat is clearly severely diabetic (I assumed it was just him getting old at first, but other signs now show it is diabetes 100%), but I don't have the money to take him to the vet, much less buy insulin for the rest of his life. Or rather, the money I have is earmarked for transition costs and food reserves that needs to last the next two years. (Still haven't sold my complete game collection so don't have that cash either.)

I don't know what to do. He's around 17-18 (a little unclear if I got him pre 9/11 or just post), so he's been with me a long time. He used to be the cat that would sit with my mom all day keeping her company (and when she was getting sicker with the cancer, he would freak out and hate not being allowed to sleep with her because he would try to climb on top of her all night). Honestly, he might be the closest remaining connection I have with my mom.

Logically I feel like I should do nothing and let him just sort of live out the rest of his life as is, he's not in pain or anything (at least not yet), he seems perfectly happy just pees a ton and is really skinny after being super fat his whole life. Emotionally, I want to do everything in my power to help him live a longer (quality) life. I just... I don't know what to do. Certainly I know what I would do if money were no object, but then if money were no object I wouldn't be feeling the way I am to begin with. So the question I'm struggling with ultimately comes down to, do I spend potentially thousands of dollars prolonging his life (again, quality life not like him walking around sick and in pain) and set my transition back possibly years (odds are it will be out of my hair removal funds), or do I just sort of... let things be? And if I do, am I betraying him, and my own morality for doing so?

[Kendra]

Ellie you are not terrible at all!  The words you just wrote show incredible compassion for a living animal, your pet and companion.  Your cat very likely would not have already lived such a long and comfortable life without the care and home you have provided.  The connection to your mom makes this even more emotionally difficult, but you have memories and experiences nobody can ever take away from you. 

You do need to take care of yourself.  If your cat can live comfortably with a sad terminal condition, you have already done the best thing possible.  Medical intervention may help but is second-best to what you have already done - by providing love. 

[Eryn T]

I've gotten about 6 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours, so now I have a sore throat and can't use my voice very well.

[Eryn T]

If it's me again, then that's a good thing! lol <3 you all


Well, what made me unhappy is my wife told me a dream she had this morning, and basically compared transwomen to the guy from Silence of the Lambs...

[Amaki]

I'm trying to cut all the dead weight from my life, but in the case for today that also means my best friend (her step-brother is dead weight and very toxic) but im hoping it'll only be temporary but for now I wont be able to stay in contact. On a slim but happier note I intend to go to the psychiatrist or 'mental health' doctor at the va on thursday as a walk in so ^^;

[SiobhánF]

I'm trying to cut all the dead weight from my life, but in the case for today that also means my best friend (her step-brother is dead weight and very toxic) but im hoping it'll only be temporary but for now I wont be able to stay in contact. On a slim but happier note I intend to go to the psychiatrist or 'mental health' doctor at the va on thursday as a walk in so ^^;

Good and unfortunate news. I do hope you feel better soon. Also, if my eyes don't deceive me, I believe your avatar is reminiscent of the character Ed from Cowboy Bebop. I do so love her with all my heart. Best character out of the series, besides Ein. :3

[Allison S]

It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...

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[Devlyn]

It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...

It can be difficult to tell moms to STFU, but sometimes they need to hear it. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Northern Star Girl]

It's my birthday and my mom and one of my sisters (I have 4 in total) are coming to take me out to lunch. But I feel sick to my stomach. My mom keeps telling me I'll regret what I'm doing (being on hrt essentially). I just want to be accepted and I'm thinking I shouldn't have agreed to let them come. I can't take another lecture I really think it'll drive me to the edge now...

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@Allison S 
Dear Allison:  I have been pondering your good news/bad news reply here and first and foremost about the good news, be happy and thankful that your immediate family members want to help you celebrate your birthday...  by the way...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you !!!      ...

Now, about your reported bad news and feelings of distress regarding your mother.   I really think that parents, perhaps especially mothers, can have the most difficult time accepting that the son that they birthed is now becoming a woman.  I think that we need to understand that her reservations and concerns about your transition are rooted in the love for you as her child, then of course there may be other issues that are on her mind like her predetermined social constraints.....  my final thought, she is your mother, she always will be your mother, you need to continue loving her unconditionally as she does you.  Continue to respect and to love her and to be there for her as she gets older.   
.....I speak from experience as you may have read on my thread and other comments that I have made elsewhere...  my mom and dad, still, after 4 years after I announced my transitioning, hardly talk to me, still don't accept my transition, and it was only 6 months ago during my Christmas time phone call to my family that she ended the call by calling me Danielle... that was the very first time that anyone in my family or my old long term friends I ever heard any of them call me by my female name.   The hurt is there, I know about that kind of hurt, but my advice about how we should deal with our parents is still valid.

Hang in there girl, and have a nice birthday celebration...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Allison S]

It can be difficult to tell moms to STFU, but sometimes they need to hear it. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Lol [emoji23]

@Allison S 
Dear Allison:  I have been pondering your good news/bad news reply here and first and foremost about the good news, be happy and thankful that your immediate family members want to help you celebrate your birthday...  by the way...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you !!!      ...

Now, about your reported bad news and feelings of distress regarding your mother.   I really think that parents, perhaps especially mothers, can have the most difficult time accepting that the son that they birthed is now becoming a woman.  I think that we need to understand that her reservations and concerns about your transition are rooted in the love for you as her child, then of course there may be other issues that are on her mind like her predetermined social constraints.....  my final thought, she is your mother, she always will be your mother, you need to continue loving her unconditionally as she does you.  Continue to respect and to love her and to be there for her as she gets older.   
.....I speak from experience as you may have read on my thread and other comments that I have made elsewhere...  my mom and dad, still, after 4 years after I announced my transitioning, hardly talk to me, still don't accept my transition, and it was only 6 months ago during my Christmas time phone call to my family that she ended the call by calling me Danielle... that was the very first time that anyone in my family or my old long term friends I ever heard any of them call me by my female name.   The hurt is there, I know about that kind of hurt, but my advice about how we should deal with our parents is still valid.

Hang in there girl, and have a nice birthday celebration...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

It was fine. Thanks, Danielle

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[TonyaW]

So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the  card I got from dad.  

He also addressed it to my full former name.

I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.

The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago.  He spelled the middle name wrong then also. 



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[Eryn T]

Wow, Tonya...I'm so sorry!

That's an absolutely horrible thing for him to do!

[steph2.0]

So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the  card I got from dad. 

He also addressed it to my full former name.

I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.

The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago.  He spelled the middle name wrong then also.

This just makes me sad. But as of March 21st you are Tonya.

Nothing he does will change that.


Stephanie

[Kendra]

So for Tonya's "first" birthday, this is the  card I got from dad. 

He also addressed it to my full former name.

I had told him when the court date for my name change was (March 21) so he knew.

The last time I can remember him writing or calling me anything other than TJ was when he had to write out his children's names on the divorce papers he served my mom 40 years ago.  He spelled the middle name wrong then also.
>

Tonya I am sorry to hear this happened.  <big hug>.
If I received an envelope addressed this way in this situation, might mark it "Return to sender" and mail it back.