Didnt realise quite how unhappy i was - And how happy i am now!

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

I have been living full time as a woman now for 3 months, and accepted to myself im transsexual about two years ago.

For the first time ever, i feel truly happy, i feel so complete and am loving life! Sure, my anxiety and stress levels have been massively high at times, and i can be a nervous wreck at times, but even through the stressful times, i feel content. Its such an amazing contrast to how i was three years ago. Three years ago, i was a tired, unconfident, angry and bitter 'man' who was living a lie. I was lying to myself, because i was so scared of accepting who i truly was, mainly because i was scared of losing friends an family. I would block out these thoughts, and would act like a man, as i wanted to be 'normal' so much. I hid the fact that i was so unhappy, and was so jealous of other women. Im so glad ive managed to be myself, and cant believe i used to live my life the way i did.

I know i dont post on here much, but recently ive noticed a few posts  from people who are uncertain about transitioning, and who are frightened about what might happen if they do transition. I know that feeling so well, but ive come to realise that you only live once, and you have to be true to yourself. Its not worth living a lie. For me ive lost an awful lot of friends, obviously this is upsetting, but ive also made so many new friends, who know and accept me for who i truly am. For the first time in my life im starting to feel like a human being, and am feeling as though i finally exist

If anyone is feeling unsure about the future, im always happy for you to message me, and i will be there to support you, as i know how difficult the decision can be. I believe that everyone deserves to be happy, and although it may be difficult and scary, it is so so worth it!

Lots of love
Zoe
x

[Cathrine]

Hi Zoe!

I'm happy you're content with your life. I think estrogen sometimes can make your mood very unstable, especially when you're in a puberty caused by it. I don't know if this depends on the age you start or not, but for me I sometimes end up curled up in bed by myself drowning in tears and snot sometimes even for stupid reasons.

"My boyfriend isn't here"
"I don't know anyone here"
"I don't know if I manage my job"
"Why did I waste so many years of my life?"
"Why do I have to work?!"
"Things cost so much money.."
"What's up with my hair?!"
"Why am I getting fat?..."
"Pimples!....."
"I disappointed someone..."

[Ms Grace]

Thanks for your positive post Zoe, nice to see you back. I'm really happy to hear things are going so well for you. I know what you mean, it was a similar experience for me too.

[Martine A.]

Good timing. Recently, it was my three months too. Similar story as well about a fearsome and bitter man. Also a similar story that some people had left and some people had arrived to my life.

That must be how it usually goes.

I am not on HRT yet, it is hard to get it here. But full time alone made suicidal thoughts go away.