Impossible choice

AmyRose · January 30, 2016, 04:13:49 AM

Hi , with each passing day my dysphoria gets worse, it used to be it would quickly pass and would have a spell free of it but this year so far it has descended on me and will not lift , only respite is when I manage to dress female and look in mirror and see person I should have been, I know it's only clothes and wig and it's still me underneath I just hate seeing a guy in the mirror. Trouble is married with wife I love who knows the struggle I have but doesn't quite understand it and has said if I need to live as a girl then we will have to part and I have three boys who need a dad and it's tearing me apart, I can keep going , surviving each day for them but is this the correct choice . I see Gp next week and on waiting list for GIC , anyone in or been in this situation ?

Laura_7 · January 30, 2016, 04:41:58 AM

Here is a resource that might help your wife understand :
http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/

And here are some online therapists that might help faster:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html

and there is also a chat on susans...

If you feel like it you might also call a hotline ...

www.translifeline.org

http://www.glbthotline.org/hotline.html
they also have a chat

hugs

Ms Grace · January 30, 2016, 04:48:48 AM

There are many people in your situation, there are quite a few currently active on this forum who are married with children and going through the motions of deciding to transition, or have just broached the matter with their partner. And yes it can result in the end of the marriage, not always but it is common. You at least have the advantage of your wife already aware of your situation, many are not. Keeping the lines of communication open can help.

suzifrommd · January 30, 2016, 05:09:04 AM

Hugs, AmyRose, it's an awful situation that so many of us find ourselves in. I was there and ended up losing my marriage. It was worth it. I get to spend every day as my authentic self. I have decent relationships with both my kids, who accept me as I am and I've become good friends with my ex. It has been a challenge finding people to date, but in all other ways my life is better than before.

abd789 · January 30, 2016, 05:41:56 AM

Take some solace in the fact that you are not alone in these struggles....

AmyRose · January 30, 2016, 08:33:55 AM

Quote from: RitaChans on January 30, 2016, 05:41:56 AM
Take some solace in the fact that you are not alone in these struggles....

Thanks , I will try and be there to help others once I find a way through this .

AmyRose · January 30, 2016, 08:40:16 AM

Quote from: suzifrommd on January 30, 2016, 05:09:04 AM
Hugs, AmyRose, it's an awful situation that so many of us find ourselves in. I was there and ended up losing my marriage. It was worth it. I get to spend every day as my authentic self. I have decent relationships with both my kids, who accept me as I am and I've become good friends with my ex. It has been a challenge finding people to date, but in all other ways my life is better than before.

Hugs back , I'm so glad to hear things are good for you now . This torment is never going to go away is it, I guess best outcome might be something similar but long way to go yet , need some more counselling I think and I would like a clinical diagnosis of gender dysphoria just so I have it to confront my family, parents with . I'm past point of trying to purge and hide from it again as it never ends , it's just we have big mortgage , kids in school , omg its crazy situation , wife and I talked about separating but we both love each other but she can't deal with me as a female , maybe low dose hormones will help.

Dena · January 30, 2016, 08:54:49 AM

The T blockers will help to some degree and time might help your wife adjust. I think the real problem is the longer we live without treatment, the weaker or defenses become against it. You have reached a point in your life where some form of action will be required. How much action will be up to you and your wife. Another considerations is you have lived a lifetime becoming (un)comfortable with this. Your wife has had only a short time and the combination of discussion and therapy may help your wife understand your needs. I can't tell you the outcome but I hope for the best.

Megan. · January 30, 2016, 09:22:16 AM

AmyRose, you're not alone. I'm also married with two young kids. I was in your position, battling the pain of dysphoria vs leaving my family. I tried to stay with my family, but ended up suicidal, and we eventually separated. I'd have fought anyone to protect my family, but the only fight I couldn't win was with myself. There are people here who have kept their families together, and those who haven't. I'm also in the CX GIC queue, taking slow steps forward, and thinking of the low dose road. I hope you both find happiness down the bumpy road whatever choice you make.

Steph7 · January 30, 2016, 03:23:32 PM

Hi AmyRose
As said - you are not alone. Similar situation - wife who doesn't understand, two little children, mortgage, etc.
Personally, i think the longer you fight it the less options you end up with. Yes I am daunted by what the future holds - especially when I think too many steps ahead.
Best of luck
Cass

AmyRose · January 31, 2016, 04:50:05 AM

Thank you everyone , I will just keep taking it one day at a time, it could be a year to see the GIC so I can't really do anything till that point. I would feel so guilty though if I put things off for another 5 or 10 years , my wife could have found someone more , well more male in that time.
And there is the while thing of growing old alone and trans oh help Definitely time for more counselling .

News:

Impossible choice