Help, youth in a bad loop

[DiamondBladee]

I'll put it simple:  Bullet point time....

> I'm 15, mtf
> divorced parents; upper class dad has my custody, visit my lower class mother weekly
> told my dad about myself back in August, my mom had known for a while
> dad pushed off finding me therapy until December no matter how much I asked (actually banned me from dating my ftm friend who has helped me to the moon and back emotionally)
> meet nice psychotherapist with a reputation (she told my dad that our relationship seemed mutual and that it would be beneficial to us both; my dad gave in to that)
> ready to go for appointment 2 before Christmas
> wake up and get in the car, get call from dad
> "I cancelled your appointment so I could work" (he's the CEO/founder and I work for him; I know this wasn't a last minute "oops")
> in mid January i got a text while at my moms house from dad confirming that he doesn't want to return to this particular therapist because she is a social worker and wont give me "a medical diagnosis".

He is searching (*cough* procrastinating again) for someone who can give me a medical diagnosis that is also in his health insurance database.  Because if my moms position, she cannot help me with therapy and medical stuff.  I'm starting to get really upset with Dad because he is becoming absolutely ridiculous.

This stalemate could go on forever.  He'll find someone again and get upset when they don't diagnose me.  He seemed pretty upset that my psychotherapist was supporting me after 20 mins of therapy (he stole the other 40 mins to discuss who-knows).

This man is also a local political figure with 8 kids, so he has a lot to hold up.  I get it.  But he finds everyone else in the family medical help without an issue.  A few times he even got my sister (I guess they're all sisters cx) a counselor.  Yet he can't get me a simple therapist to at least talk to while he tries to find a psychiatrist?

I feel like he doesn't care for my health.

Can I rush the next therapy visit somehow?  This is important to my health.  Today I was thinking about resorting to the Trevor project, but that will appear on my phone bill and my mother would probably be concerned about me being suicidal, which I'm not, I just swing low when I hear things are going downhill.

Thanks for any help xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

- winter

[DiamondBladee]

tl;dr:  How can I find someone to give me a medical diagnosis of "gender dysphoia" quickly?  Could this lead to HRT for me?  Should I have to go through therapy before a diagnosis?  State is VA by the way, US.  Age 15, divorced parents: Half accepting, half skeptical (and has my custody of course).

Thanks again xoxoxoxoxo

- Winter

[DiamondBladee]

Ack, new-face mistake, this thread isn't on the right board!  Can mods here move it or should I push this somewhere more open?  Its the middle of the night, I'm not thinking at all...

- Winter

[Laura_7]

Have a *hug*

You have come to the right place.

And there is also a chat on susans.

The trevor project usually does not show on bills its free.
But it might show in phone lists of landline home phone devices.

On to the subject.

here are two resources that might help explain:

http://www.acceptingdad.com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/

This is a resource from an accepting dad taking about restraints many people might have.
Showing parts of it might help parents understand.

This is another resource from a reputable source, the british NHS:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

Baseline is you have a condition called gender disphoria.
This means unhappiness with your body or how you are perceived.
Its severe and needs treatment.
It does not get better over time.
 
Studies have shown that there are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible...
there are even substances known to cause a higher rate of transgender people.
So transgender people can't help it, it is fixed before birth and has nothing to do with what parents did etc.

The treatment is to find out what the transgender person wants and needs, often starting with easy reversible steps to find out how they feel.

This is not rocket science.
It needs a supportive counselor if possible experienced in trans matters.

You might :
aks at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center for counseling or a referral to a therapist

look for online therapists
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html

or look for a gender therapist
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316

They can advise on hrt etc.

Many *hugs*

[DiamondBladee]

Have a *hug*

You have come to the right place.

And there is also a chat on susans.

Ah the IRC right?  Unfortunately the only working app for that on my Windows 8.1 phone is gone for some reason now.  I've been on the IRC for two years but decided to use Tapatalk earlier this week to keep in touch with part of the site.

As for the links I'll have to check those out in a few hours when I have a computer.  Many *hugs* ❤❤

[Hope springs]

Ok he is a businessman and therefore capable of understanding a rational argument. So ask him for 30 minutes of his time, alone. Then be logical.

1. Its sounds like you have dysphoria. Studies show that never goes away. No amount of stalling will make this go away. No amount of denial on his part will help.
2. No therapist or psychiatrist will likely deny you are trans. So let him pick as many as he likes. After a few return the same diagnosis he will hopefully understand requesting other therapists wont change the diagnosis
3. You have a condition, this condition is usually fixed with HRT and/or being allowed to present as your desired gender. The sooner that happens, the happier you will be. As you pointed out, medical conditions of your siblings are addressed promptly. Why the delay here? He hopes it will go away, that you will forget about it. Address this head on with him. Remind him often this is what you are.
4. As for your dads standing in the community... Only jerks blame parents for their childrens orientation or gender issues. Look at dick cheney. Arch conservative blow hard. His daughter is a lebian. I didnt see the republican party kicking him out over it. Your dads politics are just that, HIS politics. They should never interfere with his sons medical need for proper gender expression
5. Tell him you understand how extremely difficult this is for him to understand and accept. But this thing is like a freight train, you cant stop it and more importantly why would you want you? This is what you are, you still love him and hope he can still love you too. Now more than ever you need his support. This is a tough time for you and you would prefer his hugs rather than delaying tactics.
  This is hard for both of you, cant you make the journey together rather than at odds. No good can come from either of you denying this any longer.

   Be strong, be honest, be persistent.

I wish i was there to give you a hug. There are thousands of us here hoping for a good, positive outcome for you. Its hard to be roadblocked by forces beyond your control. Just know if this is what you want. It will happen. Maybe not tommorow or even next year. But it will happen because it must for you to be happy. Sorry for the wall of text, but my heart went out to you on this one.

[stephaniec]

he can't stop you from seeing a school counselor who might be able to help lower some barriers.

[Laura_7]

Ah the IRC right?  Unfortunately the only working app for that on my Windows 8.1 phone is gone for some reason now.  I've been on the IRC for two years but decided to use Tapatalk earlier this week to keep in touch with part of the site.

As for the links I'll have to check those out in a few hours when I have a computer.  Many *hugs* ❤❤

For the chat just click the link at the top of the page.
A window with an integrated client opens then.
Its also possible to use clients of your own, the necessary data like Ports is listed.


hugs

[DiamondBladee]

For the chat just click the link at the top of the page.
A window with an integrated client opens then.
Its also possible to use clients of your own, the necessary data like Ports is listed.


hugs

I use Tapatalk for WP, so I dont get the links.  Thanks for the tip though xoxo

@everyone thank youuuu xoxo. Currently surviving the male locker room for the last time.  I think I'm going to say something to my gym teacher to change elsewhere, I'm sick of this.

EDIT:  I just found a working IRC client for mobile!  Yay!  Winter@susans.org xoxoxo