Nothing to talk about...

[AmandaDanielle]

It occurred to me yesterday that I have nothing else to talk about other than my transition. My mom told me after I asked her why she didn't tell me about something going on in her life. "We only ever talk about you, and your new perspective", she said.

I have felt terrible since and this constant feeling that I am irritating those I came out to is unshakable. Even when talking to my wife lastnight I was careful to not talk about me and what's going on. The conversation was pretty empty and quiet.

Is this normal? I don't want to be so self consumed but at the same time this isn't exactly a small thing happening.

I feel like a giddy teenage girl that is discovering the world for the first time. For so long I could only talk to my wife. Now I have ten people I can talk to and I swear they all get irritated with me. Most of them I recently came out to and they were all very accepting. Do they just need time?

Can anyone help me with some incite?

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[Asche]

I know the feeling.

But how's this for a comparison:

Suppose you had stage III cancer, or some other disease or some disability that was impacting every area of your daily life, such that you were constantly seeing different doctors and playing around with ways to manage with your disease/disability.

Wouldn't that be occupying your mind to the point that you would rarely be thinking of anything else?  "Donald Trump?  Ted Cruz?  I may not live long enough to vote against either one!"  Etc.

Transition is a huge change.  Dealing with being trans, whether you transition or not, is a huge change.  Whether or not you believe gender is a social construct, it permeates pretty much everything about your life, at least every interaction with another person.  It's not like it's something you can relegate to a half-hour or so a day.

FWIW, one of the (these days few) advantages of my work (computer programmer) is that I can forget about gender while I'm focussed on a problem.  But then I talk to a co-worker, or go to the men's room (feh!), and it hits me in the face again.

[Laurie K]

 First may I add that you are very pretty. Second I wont tell you what to do but will pass on my insight and experience.   

I found that transition used to consume me and that was all I wanted to discuss with family and friends.  People would tell me  "I dont want to talk about you boobs" " how soft your skin is ". I found that some, not all were the ones having a hard time with my changes.  I have made some decisions on who I would stay close to, and who I would set at a distance. That being said my family is my biggest ally, and it took them some time to get to where they are.
I found that I also needed to give everyone time to transition . I made it a point to talk about what we had in common, what made us friends in the first place. You can still talk about girl things , "seen some nice shoes on sale at  wally world today" (girls get that not so much the boys ). without it being about you and transition.

  Just a lil blurb of my tribulations hope it helps a bit.

[Amoré]

Transitioning is so exciting and consumes so big part of our lives. For the trans person this is life it is what keeps them going and it is important to them. You will see people that loves cycling will often just speak about cycling. But I can understand out of someone else's perspective that it may get irritating because if they had transition in common with you they could spend hours chatting away about it but they can't. I also had the same thing from my wife that it is only about me and my transition and that is all I worry about in life. It is so an exciting time but it is not the only thing that we have going on.   That is why I am venting on susan's an with my trans friends because I feel I must keep my struggle separate from my family and friends if they want to know something they will normally ask otherwise I just try to be a normal person speaking about normal things.

[pyhxbp]

It occurred to me yesterday that I have nothing else to talk about other than my transition.
...
Is this normal? I don't want to be so self consumed but at the same time this isn't exactly a small thing happening.

I was the same at the start of my transition. Eventually I got bored with having the same conversation. These days I would rather talk about anything other than transitions.

It is one of the reasons I am pulling back from the "trans community" both in real life and on-line.


One thing to watch for is letting the transition occupy your entire life. Make an effort to find other things to do and occupy your time. Transition will take up a lot of your time no matter what you do, but I have seen too many people who fill their life with transitioning and then, when they reach their end point and the transition phase is over, the only thing that filled their life (their transition) is gone and life is empty. "Now what do I do?" is the cry you hear.

Try hard to make transition an important background task. Fill your life with life, not with transition.