I can't take this anylonger... letter to family

[Mavis]

Here it is,

I will conform to everyone else's opinions, I will not find out if "Child" is or is not and therefore I will not transition to avoid the whole this is your fault he is just doing it because you are from everyone. I will not tell my kids so they can find out later in life and have an opinion of me just like everyone else does when they find out from everyone else. I will not transition so I do not have to explain to my young children why my body has female features they can just grow up to think whatever the heck it is everyone else wants them to think. I will not discuss this any further or try to defend my reasons with facts or research, I will just accept everyone's opinions as facts and as such conform to their opinions. I will not transition because "Wife" thinks I should wait on everything until later in life. I will not transition because "Wife's" family feels that I should stay male for the sake of not trading my happiness for hers. I will jump on the gender conforming bandwagon and every time "Child" says he wants to wear girls clothes or shoes I will tell him no you are a boy, boys don't wear girl clothes and every time he says he wants to be a girl I will tell him you're not a girl you're a boy.


I will conform to everyone's opinions, I have been doing it my whole life, nothing new. I hope I make everyone's lives great by doing exactly what it is they think is best. I'm done talking about this and I'm done with the idea of this. Hope everyone enjoys their lives sorry for ever bringing the subject up. Please do not bring this subject up to me ever again, I will do my best to enjoy what I can out of this b.s. world.

I am literally exhausted, If I agree with their opinions and go along with it because it is something not that important to me all is well. If I voice any concerns and present those concerns with facts and research but those concerns do not align with their opinions then I am accused of trying to force my opinions on them and my facts are discredited with a "theres a million research studies or blog articles that will disagree" without them ever actually reading what I have presented. I am therefor supposed to accept what ever their opinions are as the facts and proceed exactly as they wish.

There is no two way street, they do not accept anything that is a concern of mine, only their concerns are valid. If I agree with everything that is their opinions then everything is hunky dory.

[Amoré]

Hey Mavis

I know this all too well I have also been acused of pushing trans on them and they did not ask for this B.S in their lives. I know how it goes with them presenting their "facts" and forcing you to conform to them. I have been told how selfish I am that I have to think about my child and wife. Well my wife rejected me and been pushing me away after trying to fix it and stay a man but she is the victim.

I have been told the biggest B.S of why I am trans and them forcing it down my through and their opinions why I can't be trans. I also feel like jumping back on societies gender conformation bandwagon today because I am tired of getting bashed for even bringing up the idea that I am trans and I am diagnosed as trans but their bashing turned into internal transfobia for me.

I am getting divorced for just being trans even if I stay a man.

They are bashing me because I don't want to be a father for my child.

The list goes on.

Everyone is just concerned with themselves and how this effecting them in the end nothing else it is their insecurities coming through.

you are not alone my friend.

[SueNZ]

Mavis, we all have our personalities and opinions. At no time do you need to accept or force one onto/or to another person. I have attended several meetings this week and opinions are rife. If you truly believe in a subject stay true and fight when needed but ride out the storm when required, but never yield to the storm.

[Mavis]

when I came out to my wife, she requested that I wait 8 months before starting hormones until after the baby is born. I agreed. I did shave my body hair thought and she said that it was okay with her if I dress in our room to help with dysphoria as long as it was gender neutral because of the kids which I also agreed to. her family reaction was not good, her dad disowned me and her cousin let it slip to the rest of her family. after she started therapy she came back from her apt. and told me that I needed to put the brakes on. her therapist said I was moving to fast and should give her more time. I remember tears building behind my eyes as I asked when is there ever going to be a right time, 3 months, 6 months, a year?

I was told not to worry about dressing that it didn't bother her. as time moved along other concerns came about, she said she didn't want to tell the kids for 4 years which at first I agreed. then it came to my attention that her father was talking about me in front of the kids which spend 3 days a week at his house. I raised a concern about parental alienation but my wife shot me down, it wasn't until a few arguments with her that she agreed to say something to her father.

She had many concerns and accusations that were from her and her family and I tried to point her to articles to better educate them but was met with a we don't care about your facts mentality. I was told I shouldn't transition because its selfish to trade my happiness for hers. They sit in their POW wows and discuss their opinions and want to talk at me of what facts and articles they have read but I am told that they do not want to hear or read any of mine or am greeted with "I can find a thousand articles that will say otherwise".

My wife got overwhelmed and unloaded that this is too much too fast, so I quit dressing two weeks ago. I did say I was going to start a diet to lose muscle mass before hormones and electrolysis for beard but she again asserted not until after the baby is born. I told her that wasn't going to happen I need to lose weight before hormones and electrolysis takes a long time.

yesterday I expressed my concern of some ACLU and trans parents support groups which say that the younger your kids are the better to tell them. She told me no not for a couple years and there is nothing any expert can tell her otherwise. she said I will need to get locks for my doors so the children don't walk in on me and see the effects of hormones.

Today after being more persistent and showing her the articles I get told that no way no how so I wrote the letter above and then got yelled at saying that I am self centered, everything is about me and my time and all about my schedule and if I don't agree with what others are saying I am just forcing my opinion.

[Mavis]

her latest defense is there is no follow ups to kids  what kind of psychological problems they will have when they get older when being told young. if this is really the what if fear then there never will be a right time and with that ends any chance of me transitioning

[Amoré]

I am sitting exactly with the same problem I have only one child and constantly get reminded by her and family about the psychological impact on the child. My therapist told me the younger the better and that it is not necessary to stay a man to be a good parent towards her. I dressed in front of my daughter once and she did not mind she sill was the same and even told me I look pretty.  I wanted to test the waters.

[Violets]

If I voice any concerns and present those concerns with facts and research but those concerns do not align with their opinions then I am accused of trying to force my opinions on them and my facts are discredited with a "theres a million research studies or blog articles that will disagree"

If you look hard enough, you will find compelling evidence on blogs and YouTube that the world is flat, but does that mean this is actually the case? The point I'm making is that if someone wants to make a compelling argument about something that neatly fits in with their beliefs, no matter how misguided, Google will provide! They've never questioned their gender or felt the pain of dysphoria, so to them, you're either delusional, a crack pot, some form of pervert, a homosexual in denial, or a combination of all of those! The whole idea of transitioning simply isn't rational to them. All they see is that you're driving a wrecking ball through an otherwise normal family, and creating a scandal in the process!

I'm sorry I have no real advice to give, but I will say that this thread strikes a chord with me because I've been there too.

[Mavis]

I am really at a crossroad not knowing what to do, last night I pretty much heard it all. My sister has the opinion to be transsexual is to feel like you're something you are not. My mother would like to read me her facts and opinions but refuses to hear mine and my wife said she will never be able to be happy with me as a woman. Its not like she was ever happy with me as a man though she's lying to herself to think otherwise. 8 years of daily nagging, an affair and doing the opposite of anything I ever ask.

If I choose to transition it will only be a matter of time until everything crumbles from the outcome of peoples feelings. I could just end it all now, sell off my belongings to pay off debt, file for divorce, sell the house to pay off any remaining debt, sign a parenting plan that gives her 100% custody so there is never a reason to argue over the children again, she can tell them whenever and whatever she likes. and swear off people in general maybe buy a sailboat again to live aboard since it is pretty much all I will be able to afford while paying child support for 4 kids during the next 18 years. by that time ill be 53 and never transition.

[Mavis]

Irony is this is from people that say Yay we support you!... and when I say I dont feel very supported, I am told that's just because its not the way you want to be supported. It really feels like a back handed compliment, them saying yay to feel good about themselves but then not actually being supportive.