Clocked

[Karlie Ann]

So today, I threw caution to the winds, dressed in girl's jeans and boots, tossed on a hoodie, brushed my hair over my ears, and used red lipstick on my beard then put concealer over that and foundation over that.  Went to the coffeeshop.

Barista: "What can I get you, sir?

Me: Sigh.

[Meghan]

So today, I threw caution to the winds, dressed in girl's jeans and boots, tossed on a hoodie, brushed my hair over my ears, and used red lipstick on my beard then put concealer over that and foundation over that.  Went to the coffeeshop.

Barista: "What can I get you, sir?

Me: Sigh.

You should shave[emoji3]

Luanne

[Karlie Ann]

Oops.  I did shave, close.  I meant my beard shadow.

[Amanda_Combs]

Poor girl.  I'm sorry that happened.  But,  it's good that you went out there like that, as yourself.  So don't forget to see the positive; you were living geniunely and building confidence. 

[Emjay]

Ugh, I'm sorry.  I hate when that happens. 

Like Amanda said though:  It is good that you got out there.  That's a huge step, and one that you should be proud of.

Hugs

[Ms Grace]

Mind you, as I noted the other day, it is possible to get called "sir" regardless of how you look. That said...


During my first attempt at transition I found wearing jeans usually resulted in being misgendered. What I've since realised is that one usually just needs to display a few more "female" features. Chances are that most people are not going to use female jeans as a mean of gender identification - especially baristas and the like since they usually only see the top half of you. This doesn't mean you need to go all hyper girly it's just that certain cues like hair style, jewellery and other accessories can help. I don't know if you are on hormones and/or how long you are but if you have boobs then showing your shape definitely helps... you mentioned wearing a hoodie but that probably did not reveal your figure. the way make up is applied is another matter, putting on a bit of lippy may not be enough - besides, some men wear it it anyway... so see if there are tweaks you can apply that will make a difference. Eyes, eyebrows, etc - again it doesn't have to be outrageously girly and less is more, but just right is even more. These tricks all take time. These days I can wear jeans and a jacket and 99% of the time never get "sir", I can live with that.

[Mariah]

Karlie Ann, it happens to all of us sometime or another. I pass rather well yet sometimes it still happens. I have to chop it up to it just being a pure accident when it happens. It does take time, but your not alone. Hugs
mariah

[Emileeeee]

That's an awesome step to make. Congrats.

About the sirring, it happens to everybody. One person to the next seems to see me differently sometimes. I went into a restaurant one day and my cashier called me sir while the one right next to her gave her a nudge and a weird look wondering why she called me sir. I don't bother correcting strangers on pronouns. There are much larger issues to worry about than someone calling me sir.

[Roni]

I have never been called "sir" straight out to my face, but I do get clocked on a daily basis. I deal with hundreds of customers a day and there is that 10% who I see staring at my upper lip, hands, and feet, perhaps trying to read/clock me. And this is despite every close person telling me I look beautiful and completely female.

I think in this day and age with increased acceptance and awareness of transgender people, it is almost impossible to 100% pass. We will always have clockable features about us and I am slowly learning to accept that..

[stephaniec]

as Nicholas Cage said in the movie " Knowing "  happens

[abd789]

So today, I threw caution to the winds, dressed in girl's jeans and boots, tossed on a hoodie, brushed my hair over my ears, and used red lipstick on my beard then put concealer over that and foundation over that.  Went to the coffeeshop.

Barista: "What can I get you, sir?

Me: Sigh.

Your delivery made me giggle... but I feel ya... I think it will get better in time...we just have to endure this for a while and strengthen both our look and our brains

[Meghan]

I went to work other day with some makeup and lipstick, and got some compliment about it. At lunch I was able to tell my story to my coworker the reason why I I wear makeup up. I guess it just a opportunity for me to be out.

Luanne

[April_TO]

I completely feel your pain. It happens to the best of us even ladies that have been on hormones for so long.
Take it as an opportunity to improve your presentation next time. However, a huge acknowledgement on not letting your fears get you. You are beautiful and you are just being you. As the quote on my signature says "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

Hugs,

April

[archlord]

I have never been called "sir" straight out to my face, but I do get clocked on a daily basis. I deal with hundreds of customers a day and there is that 10% who I see staring at my upper lip, hands, and feet, perhaps trying to read/clock me. And this is despite every close person telling me I look beautiful and completely female.

I think in this day and age with increased acceptance and awareness of transgender people, it is almost impossible to 100% pass. We will always have clockable features about us and I am slowly learning to accept that..

Looks like my life but honestly Roni i really dont know what you have to worry about you look so beautiful. There will always be people that will analyze you from head to feets but that doesnt mean they are trying to read you as a transwoman. They are probably just thinking loud about whatever  masculine features you have but will not make a deal of it.  Just like cisgender womans, some have masculine features TOO  and they are just doing the same analyze on us that they would do on them.

i wouldnt worry about it really , i think that we ( i include myself) are so aware about what is feminine/masculine on our body that we think that everyone see it.  The truth is it is false.. We are creating more confusion by  being nervous and not confident when this happens.

[Meghan]

I never let others comments phase me. I know who I am.

Luanne

[barbie]

So today, I threw caution to the winds, dressed in girl's jeans and boots, tossed on a hoodie, brushed my hair over my ears, and used red lipstick on my beard then put concealer over that and foundation over that.  Went to the coffeeshop.

Barista: "What can I get you, sir?

Me: Sigh.

That can happen, and you will soon learn some tips to avoid it.

About 13 years ago when I was in a small village of the U.S., the lady cashier in the pharmacy called me 'sir', although I was wearing high heel boots. Yes. I was embarrassed.

About 10 years ago, when I was  here in my country (S. Korea), the lady cashier in the beauty shop asked me whether I am a man. I was upset, as it is not her business.

Nowadays I seldom hear that in the street, but passing is no longer an issue for me, as I meet dozens and hundreds people everyday for my business. They all know who I am. Some of them sometimes praise my new fashion item or appearance.

Usually I use women's bathroom in the street.

barbie~~

[barbie]

Two tips I can remember to pass well.

1. Neat hair style. Hair style is important, as most young women here take care of their hair very well. Unusual or untidy hair style can make people notice and scrutinize you.

2. Unnatural or bold clothes or other fashion items. Look and study women around you in the street.

barbie~~

[Roni]

Looks like my life but honestly Roni i really dont know what you have to worry about you look so beautiful. There will always be people that will analyze you from head to feets but that doesnt mean they are trying to read you as a transwoman. They are probably just thinking loud about whatever  masculine features you have but will not make a deal of it.  Just like cisgender womans, some have masculine features TOO  and they are just doing the same analyze on us that they would do on them.

i wouldnt worry about it really , i think that we ( i include myself) are so aware about what is feminine/masculine on our body that we think that everyone see it.  The truth is it is false.. We are creating more confusion by  being nervous and not confident when this happens.

I really needed to hear this. I had been feeling so down lately about transition in general, about how I look, and my general life choices. I *REALLY* needed to hear this. Thank you so much girl. What you said is in line with what everyone has been telling me---that I have nothing to worry about with how I look. I am fully aware that I might be suffering from body dysmorphia, or self-image and confidence issues. It's all about accepting that I am suffering from these conditions and actually making the stride to get help for it.

You're beautiful yourself lady, and I am constantly thinking of you and sending good thoughts for your upcoming FFS!

[Roni]

That can happen, and you will soon learn some tips to avoid it.

About 13 years ago when I was in a small village of the U.S., the lady cashier in the pharmacy called me 'sir', although I was wearing high heel boots. Yes. I was embarrassed.

About 10 years ago, when I was  here in my country (S. Korea), the lady cashier in the beauty shop asked me whether I am a man. I was upset, as it is not her business.

Nowadays I seldom hear that in the street, but passing is no longer an issue for me, as I meet dozens and hundreds people everyday for my business. They all know who I am. Some of them sometimes praise my new fashion item or appearance.

Usually I use women's bathroom in the street.

barbie~~

It is so inspiring that you were able to shrug off such comments and continue believing in who you are. Look where you are now Barbie---a beautiful woman, just like you always were. It's inspiring and I am hoping I will get to your level of confidence and self-acceptance one day.

Edit: I can kind of relate. One time at work, I was serving a customer who proceeded to ask me if I had a penis. I laughed it off at the time in front of the customer, but of course I went home and was extremely hurt by what had happened.

[Roni]

I completely feel your pain. It happens to the best of us even ladies that have been on hormones for so long.
Take it as an opportunity to improve your presentation next time. However, a huge acknowledgement on not letting your fears get you. You are beautiful and you are just being you. As the quote on my signature says "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

Hugs,

April

Exactly this. I think it is important for Karlie, the OP, and everyone new to transition reading this, to know that a lot of us ladies who are further along in the transition process still struggle with presentation and "passing." It's honestly a process and I am still finding new things almost every day, from changes to makeup to how I should style my hair, that help improve my "passing." We are not going to be 100% beautiful and feminine right at the start of transition. Heck, even cis women had to deal with awkward puberty stages and had to learn clothes, makeup, and hair. And guess what? They've had YEARS of practice. Just stick with it and learn to shrug off the comments you don't want to hear.

Just like my mom constantly tells me whenever I express dysphoria or fears of non-passing, "If people find you beautiful now, imagine yourself in a few years when you've had more experience with presentation." Even my mother is aware that transition is a learning process!