I don't know if it's me but two more items out of my past. When I first started buying female clothes, I was way to nervous to buy them in the store. Besides that, the tall sizes I needed were pretty much only available in the catalog. I figured out what I wanted and included a check for the correct amount and sent off my order. The only problem with this was I lived in an apartment complex and orders were delivered to the rental office instead of to your door. The day arrived when my order was delivered so I went down to the office to pick it up. I was nervous that possibly the package had opened and the content had been exposed so I walked into the rental office with a bad case of the nerves. The handed me the package and thankfully the package was intact. I walked back to my apartment holding the package like it was a bomb ready to explode and I feared everybody had x ray vision and could see through me and knew the contents of the package. I made it back to the apartment without encountering anyone safe and sound.
Second story, the big day. After getting clothes, a good wig, voice lessons and makeup lessons, I was ready to venture out the door for the first time. My destination was my therapy group so I really wasn't facing very much because all I needed to do was exit the apartment, go down a semiprivate stairs, walk a couple of hundred feet to my car and leave. Once I reached my destination, I was in a safe area because every body who might see us would know what was going on. I arrived home from work, took a quick shower so I wouldn't get body grime on my clean clothes and dressed for the occasion. The time came to open the door and I couldn't. Fear ran through me and I took my hand from the door knob. I stood there staring at the door and took several breaths of air trying to work up the nerves to open the door. After about a minute I decided the door wasn't going to open it's self so with the little courage I could muster I reached for the knob and with the little remaining strength I had, I opened the door and exited the apartment. I reached my car meeting nobody and if anybody saw me it was through the window of their apartment. I got to my meeting without any issues and the rest is history.
Why is it that something we have spent a good portion of our life thinking about, imagining and wishing for can strike so much fear in our heart when we get it. One would think it would be the happiest day of our life to that point instead of the one we feel the most fear over. It makes little sense but I am sure many of us feel this way.
