I am having a hard time

[KristyWalker]

I am having a hard time feeling comfortable wearing my female clothes in public so have so I have been  taking baby steps like getting rid of most of my male underwear and wearing only woman's and occasionally wearing a bra but only under a sweatshirt and last night I nearly jumped five feet when a man at the bar patted me on my back in a friendly manner and imeadatly came out to him and his date turns out he felt nothing and I came out due to nothing . I would like to ask advice of how to make this easier? I am going to have to get used to it if I am going to be myself.

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[KristyWalker]

I am not sure I posted in the right subfourm if I did not please feel free to move it.

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[Cindy]

Honey it takes a while to get comfortable and then natural.

Are you seeing a therapist?

Seems a good idea to be honest.

[KristyWalker]

I have not but know I need a therapist and was planing on asking my doctor to to recommend one when I go in later this week.

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[Emileeeee]

I did it in bits and pieces. I started with items I thought nobody would notice. I'd add a new item every couple weeks. It turns out people did notice, they just didn't say anything.

So my progression was neutral sneakers, hoodie, jewelry, flat colored straight legged jeans, hair style, curvy boot cut jeans, solid colored t-shirts, makeup and nails, full time, coats, sneakers with bright pink highlights. I still get nervous around certain locations and people. I haven't fallen back to male mode in 3 months now, but I do sometimes fall back to those neutral jeans/sneakers depending on where I'm headed.

Each additional step you take makes it easier until you get to a point where you're just sick and tired of changing to walk out the door and stop doing it.

[KristyWalker]

Thank you Emileeeee and Cindy I needed that support . I would also like to say I just made an appointment with a therapist. 

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[JLT1]

My first time in public as me was when I got dressed and went to a group counseling session.  Friendly place to do that.  The second time was at a "LGBT" bar, that resulted in an ugly situation with T-predator.  The third was at a restaurant with another trans girl from here on Susan's.  That went well.

I guess that rather than wading into the water gradually, another equal viable option is to jump into a friendly place.

Either works.  Its up to you.

Hugs,

Jen

[Mariah]

Kristy it can easily be nerve-racking when we first start dressing out in public. In time you will get used to it and begin to become comfortable doing so. Time, experience and confidence will take you along way. I hope your able to see a therapist soon. I know mine was invaluable in helping through this. Good luck and Hugs

P.S. in regards to the sub forum, it's not the best location but you did just fine. I'm going to move it to the MtF forum so it gets more foot traffic to help you along your journey. Hugs
Mariah

[Briezy]

It's nice to hear women living full time now as themselves talk about being nervous in public. I think as someone also slowly coming out it is definitely one of the few things that can actually put doubt in my head. "If I'm still getting this nervous, and am in no way as confident and comfortable with myself as these beautiful full time women, then maybe I won't ever be comfortable enough to be full time."

It's nice to hear most of us start from the same place. Sometimes I feel like a movie star walking down the street. Other time, looking just as pretty, I want to crawl under a rock and hide.

But my goodness am I so much happier either way.


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[Myrrial32]

I was really nervous at first buying clothes. I found self checkout to be invaluable since no explaining to the machine or comments from a cashier. I started out with women's jeans and panties for a couple months at my college. I am still always working to improve my appearance but for the most part I am full time now. I just have some name bugs to work out at school and with some roommates. I just try not to let it bother me if some people still call me my old name. I will be more strict about it after I start hormones and submit my name and gender change though. Transition is a process so don't let it bother you if you feel you have work to do still, we all have those feelings. Good luck with growing your confidence and don't let what others think deter you too much.

With Love,
Myrrial

[Dena]

My starter wardrobe was mail order so everything hit when I had to go out for the first time as a female. I started with my therapy group but I had to make it there by myself. After the therapy group, sometimes several of us would go to a local restaurant for dinner so there was safety in numbers. That was the extent of my public exposure for a few months and then I was laid off a few months early. Rather than find a new job and risk a transition, I had the hair length so I took a risk and went full time a few months early.

The nerves are bad at first but the more exposure you have, the faster you get over it. Meeting strangers and needing them to give you a job is the most pressure you can feel in the early days of the transition.

For me, I felt I should be in girl mode or boy mode and I shouldn't mix it up. That is a personal decision and many are more comfortable with a mix of the two. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

[KristyWalker]

I saw my new therapist for the first time today and it helped big time. With her help I have decided to take my time and do what feels right to me and baby steps at this point feel right but they do seem to be coming quicker and quicker. I would like to thank all of you for your support and the people who recommend therapy extra thanks!

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[abd789]

Baby steps are perfect.... 6 months from now you will see it all differently, just push yourself... make it into little challenges for yourself like add painted nails or just clearcoat them, a little blingy andro jewelry... get your brows done, are you into skin care yet? Start treating your skin like gold, it will pay you back with a radiant smile.

These things will all be barely noticeable yet they will make you feel great.

Epilate or remove body hair, just a little at a time. I went legs/feet then hands then arms and chest last...took a few months to get where I am hairless, but I do have to maintain.

They are stepping stones to bigger moves and you will want to make them as you progress... all will be scary at first, but you will get through it, and the next time it will be less of a big deal to you. You will get excited about what can I get away with next....or at least that is how it worked for me and 6 months ago I would not believed I would be were I am today.

Do it your way at a pace that keeps you sane

[KristyWalker]

I am wanting to do my chest first because I am getting tired of the pain every time I remove my breast forms when I use medical adhesive. I am looking into waxing first (I just said ow out loud when I wrote that) looking at prices and reputations of places that offer it.

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[abd789]

Thats great!

***giggles at you saying ow***

I chose to do it at home, whatever works for you is exactly what you should do

Just try not to let it go more than a few days before you attempt to add something... its better to try and fail than just wait. Ive gotten dressed and drove 30-40 minutes to turn the car around and just go back home. I used to take an "escape pack" on the road. Makeup remover, washcloth, guy clothes in a bag. Then it all just gets easier every time

enjoy the whole process

[Emjay]

Haha big time "OW!" on the chest waxing.  I used to have that done too before HRT.  The first time was the worst and with each subsequent waxing it got easier as the follicles were being damaged and not growing back as strong.

As far as comfort level, I too started with support groups, meet ups in public, my therapist, etc.....  I always felt like all eyes were on me.  Especially when out buying clothes and makeup.

One thing that really helped me was to realize that even though transition and my own awkwardness are screaming their presence in my own head, most people in public are just too wrapped up in their own lives to take much notice.  Just try to be yourself and act natural.  I know it's hard ,especially when everything is new, but in my own experience people for the most part are oblivious.

[abd789]

One thing that really helped me was to realize that even though transition and my own awkwardness are screaming their presence in my own head, most people in public are just too wrapped up in their own lives to take much notice.  Just try to be yourself and act natural.  I know it's hard ,especially when everything is new, but in my own experience people for the most part are oblivious.

Yes!, try and remember this

[Emileeeee]

Ahh the escape pack. I remember that well. I also remember the day I decided not to have one well. Went to a friend's house. There were a lot more people there than I expected. Sat in the car in front of her house for about a half hour deciding whether I wanted to just drive back home. I bit the bullet and walked inside. Not a single issue.

[KristyWalker]

I am now in eating out wearing an obviously woman's t-shirt and am doing fine I even was okay taking my jacket off and only put  it back on because I got cold and it is made of tissue weight fabric. 

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[abd789]

YAY!!!!!!! Hi five!