Dermatologist constantly misgenders me

[sebster]

So, I'm over a year on T and look no different than any other youngish guy these days. 3 months ago I was referred to a dermatologist (it took forever to get referred) and the lady seemed nice. Thing is, when she realised I was trans she started misgendering me. I'm pretty sure it's unintentional, but it's really disheartening every time I go to my appointments to have her misgendering me to the other medical staff. It's already dysphoria triggering enough that I have to get a pregnancy test once a month so I can continue to get accutane, but hearing her call me "she" just makes me feel terrible.

She's kind of my only way to continue getting my medication and she's been pretty obliging in other ways (squeezing me in the same day when I missed an appointment, letting me take the pee test rather than get my blood drawn to determine that I'm not pregnant--which is not something my last doc would do), so I don't want to offend her or anything, but I really wish she would stop misgendering me to everyone. All the nurses and other doctors now misgender me because of her. They all seem kind of confused at first when she starts misgendering me, but then I guess they assume I'm just a really ugly woman? I'm beginning to wonder if she's doing this intentionally, because she says my new legal name and sees on my chart that I'm trans, but without fail she manages to misgender me again and again. I also know that she's religious because she wears a crucifix necklace, but I've never had a problem with religious doctors/nurses before, so the idea that she might be doing this intentionally out of bigotry is not something I would normally believe could happen, especially in our uber-liberal state/county.

Does anyone know of any ways to ask her to call me by the right pronouns after all these months without offending her? She could make my life much harder.

[Dena]

From the link https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.msg337984.html#msg337984 . You might print this off and explain that the proper way to address somebody who is transgender is as followed.

For Male to Female Transsexuals: Male to Female transsexuals are women, and should be addressed in the feminine,  Brava instead of Bravo. recommended pronouns include She, Her, and Hers.

For Female to Male Transsexuals: Female to Male transsexuals are men, and should be addressed in the masculine Bravo instead of Brava. Recommended pronouns include He, Him, and His.

Gender Neutral: Whenever possible avoid the use feminine or masculine forms. Recommended pronouns include Them, They, and Their.

[AbbyKat]

This might sound weird but she might be doing it out of respect for you, mistakenly thinking it's what you prefer.  People who are out of the loop with trans topics may not "get it".  She may be thinking a transperson would get angry with her if she addressed them as their actual gender instead of the one assigned to them.

I think some of this may be from people whose only experiences with any sort of gender varying folk are transvestites and drag kings/queens who maintain the identity they were assigned at birth.  I've been corrected by a drag queen for calling him a her because he was totally proud of being a dude who looked beautiful in a dress.  Now, if I were a cisgender person and that was my only encounter with a gender varied person, I might assume that all transmen prefer "she" and that all transwomen prefer "he".

Just a thought.  Sometimes ignorance is truly innocent.  But if she's doing it on purpose, I would totally file a complaint.

[Ms Grace]

Some people are dense/thick/misinformed rather than malicious. I'm sure there's a direct and respectful way you can raise it with her that isn't going to put you in her treatment bad books.

[AnonyMs]

I'd guess being a "youngish guy" you're not very assertive. Just tell her straight up not to do it, say it in an confident assertive way, and immediately correct her when she does it again. I'm getting old and difficult, and its not the sort of thing I'd put up with. I have actually told a surgeon off once for stepping outside his expertise when he started questioning me about trans stuff, and that was the last I saw of him.

Don't forget you're the customer here and deserve to be treated with some respect. No customers means no pay. Be polite of course, as they don't have to deal with you either.

[suzifrommd]

Does anyone know of any ways to ask her to call me by the right pronouns after all these months without offending her?

Don't worry about offending her. Correct her each and every time it happens. Ask her to apologize (briefly) when she gets it wrong. If she refuses, or seems uncomfortable, find another doctor.

She works for you, not the other way around.

[Mariah]

Others have covered this pretty well, but I agree that I would correct them each time very nicely and if need be reexplain to them. Hugs
Mariah