Feeling alone

[Hope1972]

Hello all,

This will likely seem like a ramble, it probably is, but...

I feel alone, I am married and she is supportive, as much as she understands. I have a good life, good job, financial security, great children, and reasonably good health.

Sounds great, and I feel even worse for how I feel. But o feel as if I'm alone with noone who understands, noone whom I can talk to personally.

I finally know who I am, have accepted it, have made positive steps, but can't be myself at work or home. When the opportunity is there to go out and be myself I can't bring myself to enjoy it. Not being me in my day to day makes the nights out feel like a lie. Like dress up.

What is a girl to do?

[stephaniec]

therapy will help if you haven't done that yet.

[diane 2606]

^^^^ What Stephanie said.

No matter how much we'd like to, we can't do this by ourselves. Competent professional help will ask questions you never thought of, and push you to define limits. It'll be a little scary.

[Denise]

Hope - great name.

I also agree with Stephanie....

I was in a similar position until about a week ago.  My wife was supportive, to a point, but was not available (she's exceedingly busy!) to talk about my dysphoria which was I believe driving me to my unhappy land.  A very long story short, we ended up going on a mountain hike and talked about everything for hours.  She now, I think, understands my issues better and is starting to be less alienated by it.

Since then I have started with a new Therapist who is, IMHO, wonderful.  She picked up on some of my emotions and actually started to tell me more about myself in 1 hour than I knew about myself.  It may be the home life is better or it may be the therapist, but it helped a lot.  My advise is two fold:
1) talk to your wife, find her fears and be honest with her.
2) get a good therapist.  I'm on my second one.  I went to a second therapist just to get a comparison between two.  I'm glad I did.  The first one was good, the second one is great (so far).  Be honest with the therapist.

You must be prepared for the worst, hope for the best, accept the probably something in the middle will occur.

[lionheart]

Seeing to a therapist is a good idea, but you also might benefit from going to a support group if there are any around you. That way you can hear several different insights from people who may be in similar situations and get advice from firsthand experience.

[Hope1972]

Thank you very much for the replies.

I do have a very good  counselor that I see, but my  problem isn't knowing who I am, it nobody else knowing who I am.
I realize that all that is changing with me is difficult for other people and effects all the areas of my life.
For those reasons I can't be open with anyone other than my wife at this time. She is a great and loving person, very supportive, but has never been good at touchy feely "girly" things. That has always been me.
My problem is I have noone to talk to on a person level, someone who I can just be me with.
I have always bottled up how I feel, was able to hold it back, but I am finding that the longer I'm on hormones, the harder it is for me. Aside from my wife, I have never had any really close friends because I have never had anyone whom I felt I could trust with the real me, I have never let myself get close enough for that.
I guess to summarize, I need a friend, but i live in an area where it will be another 200 years before people like me will be accepted, and by accepted, I mean tolerated.
I don't know how to meet people, to connect on a personal level.

Sorry for the ramblings.... I guess it's just been one of those days.

[Laura_7]

You might
-go to the chat on susans
-look for transgender meetups in your vicinity
-look for support groups at lgbt centers
-look at lgbt centers for events

In short, there are people who meet and skype, I'd say just have a look around.
If a lgbt center is further away it might be an idea to go there once or twice and exchange skype adresses with one or two nice persons.


hugs

[Claire]

I'm in a similar situation although I've to tell my wife which frankly is freaking me out. I've had a therapist for years and she has know about this issue but I kept it locked away. We started talking about by being closed of to others and lack of intimacy in my life. We started talking about this if secret I have and she convinced me to open this door and talk about maybe whether or not I may be trans. The door blew open and I feel like I've been crying since May.
I started reading reading reading and sought out a MTF group. It was very large and I said very little but I felt far less alone. Here was a place where just being there relieved me of this secret.
I sought out a casual friend I've know for maybe a decade. He's gay and I felt that he would understand what having a secret was like and what coming out would be like. He was wonderful and knew some transwomen. He asked around and his friends had suggestions for other recourses. I joined a smaller group and decided I was just going to be as open as possible. Even though I'm older than most of their parents, I feel accepted for who I am and am so grateful for their support.
I still cry and though small I've the beginnings of a group of people I have a real connection with. There's been about 12 sessions with the group and I've seen my friend maybe 5 times. I still haven't told my wife and am worried about exploding my life. But even with that, I don't want to go back and lock that door again.
When I asked my therapist about it she told me even with all the stress and tears I am becoming my true self.
The fact that you've told your wife to me indicates that you can do this. Really and truly.
Now I need to take my own advice and talk with my wife. Getting closer but I just can't on Valentines weekend.



Claire (née Dori)

[Claire]

I just read this on myhubandbetty.com and I thought of your post. Connections can come anywhere. We just need stay open.
http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/2016/02/12/alive/


Claire (née Dori)

[Denise]

There was a posting here on Susan's that I read the other day about telling their kids and how they did it.  I think it was Ms Grace's post but I could be wrong and I apologize if I don't get it exactly right.  I'm considering this when telling my grown kids.

Send them an email (Letter?) stating that you want to talk to them about something that is very personal and life changing.  It is not cancer or anyone dying but that's all I'll say now.

When the time came, the following week, the kids had concocted all sort of worst case scenarios.  The truth wasn't even on their radar and was not anywhere near as bad as they had imagined.  The kids response was that it was a fantastic way to tell them and the couldn't imagine any other way to do it.

I'm really sorry I can't remember who posted this, I've looked all over for it and can't find the original author.

P.S.  I started by confiding in my sister, we talk/email daily - best move I've done so far.

[Hope1972]

Unfortunately, I live in a small town in SE Ohio. The closest centers or places to go to meet others are almost 2 hours away. I go there when I can so at least I can go out as me, but I'm lucky if I can do that once a month. Online seems to be my best option, but haven't had alot of luck with that yet.

[Mariah]

Hope a therapist can also help give you tools and ways to come out to others when your ready. It's never easy sharing those things with others yet we need to. How and when to go about it is often a mystery. You need to find the timing and way that suits you best to share this with others. Hang in there, before you know it you will. Hugs
Mariah

[bobbisue]

Hope you are not alone my situation is almost the same as yours except i live on the canadian prairie and the closest gt and support groups are two and a half hours away and i am pre hrt 
     feel free to message me if you wish

    bobiesue:)

[Miril]

Hope,

You are definitely not alone! My situation is very similar to yours and I used to weep out of pure frustration.   However a few things have happened that have eased that frustration and life has become more bearable.  First, I found Susan's. There are wonderful people here with experience and knowledge that have been a big help to me. 

Second, I take small positive steps toward transition.  There is so much to transitioning besides hormones and surgery , things like learning mannerisms and gestures, speech patterns, walking, sitting and so on.  These dont require a lot of money or infrastructure  to do and can be done whenever you have a spare moment.  They also don't have to be obvious if you aren't ready to come out.   I have found that working on these little things give me just enough sense of accomplishment and peace of mind to help me deal more effectively with those larger challenges.

Hope that helps..

Hugs,
Miril