Coming out for the first time... to my therapist

[WildPollyAppeared]

So I've been in therapy for about 4 months now and its really been helping me with my anxiety issues, and I've come to really trust my therapist. I'm starting to think I should come out to her. I'm still plagued by self doubt at this point, same old story of "maybe its just a phase" or  "I don't know if I could be considered trans". This may just be me not wanting to face who I am. Also I'm worried cause it basically be admitting I've been lying to my therapist the whole time, while its not my only source or anxiety I'm sure it contributes a fair amount to it. Just so scary to see this first step and feel like I'm looking over a cliff. Anyone else come out to to a therapist they had been working with for a while?

Thanks,
-Polly

[Dena]

Always the first words out of my mouth to the therapist were that I am transsexual. I knew it going in and there was no point in wasting time and money talking about something else. Yes there were other areas to address but the whole point of therapy is to address everything.

Therapist know that often they don't get the whole truth at first. Sometimes the patient withholds it for personal reasons so it will be no big surprise to your therapist that you haven't told the whole story yet. My advise is tell everything at the next session. Don't worry about the therapist thinking you are lying because this is normal. You just weren't ready to open up all the way.

[itsApril]

Dena's right!  Tell her everything.  Don't worry about her thinking you've been hiding it.  If she's any good as a therapist she knows how hard it is to talk about this when we've been socialized all our lives to conceal it.

Your therapist works for you.  She can only help you if she knows what's going on.

And don't worry about the "self-doubt," either.  You're at the beginning of the process, so it's not surprising that everything isn't clear.  A good therapist can help you work through questions and doubts to get to the right solution.

[Amanda_Combs]

The therapist isn't there to judge you.  Any therapist worth anything at all will be more and more happy with/for you the more honest you are with them and yourself.  Just have faith and talk about whatever you're thinking and feeling.

[Mariah]

Polly part of therapy is to work through your issues. Your therapist will understand. You have no way of knowing are learning and understanding yourself as you go along. It's not easy and they expect you to come out with things that they may not even be expecting sometimes. I wouldn't be to worried with her reaction. She will understand. Is she a gender therapist or just a regular one? I came straight out to mine, but then the reason for seeing her was my gender issues so I had no reason to hold it back. Anyways. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Lilian J]

I wasted 6 session of therapy and then 3 years because we never got deeper than generalized social anxiety. Eventually I dropped therapy and went SCUBA diving which was better for my peace of mind.

This time around I asked a GP for a referral to a Pysch I had already researched and that I wanted to talk about gender and sexuality issues. It was easier for me to out myself to a Professional bound by law to privacy than anyone else.

I think it's also easier and more effective for the therapist if they really know what you are there for but ultimately you've got to feel ready.

[Tamika Olivia]

As the crowd has spoken, so shall I. You should talk to her. It's her job to help you or to get you to someone who can.

I will add, in the unlikely event that she can't deal, or if she becomes belittling, gaslighty, or judgmental...leave. There are power dynamics at play in the patient/doctor relationship, but can't let those stop you from getting the best care.

[WildPollyAppeared]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everybody. So I met with my therapist this morning, and sadly I didn't tell her. Its hard to fit coming out into a conversation, its one heck of a non sequitur, ya its kind of an excuse but holy crap its difficult.

[Dena]

Don't fit in into the conversation, make it the conversation. Tell the doctor there is something you need to talk about and then say it. If the doctors suspected it, it would have come out a long time ago so you will have to take the lead.

[itsApril]

If you're worried about losing your nerve, write it out and take it with you.  Or maybe just print out a copy of what you posted here to start this thread.  Then if you have a hard time bringing it up at your next session, you can just hand it to her and ask her to read it.

Therapy is for your issues.  You don't need permission or approval to bring it up.  I can't see your therapist being upset with you raising this.  Also, you may find out she has suspected something like this anyway.  Therapists are good at reading people and they pick up on a lot that's unspoken.  So you may find this isn't really a surprise to her.