Hey guys,
I have decided to make an account on here. I have been struggling with gender dysphoria for years. I can remember it clear as day, I begged God to change me from a boy to a girl night after night when I was about 6. I would play with girl toys and wanted to do girl things when I was younger. My parents would get mad at me and tell me no and I always felt like I had to hide it from everybody. I remember drawing on paper when I wished I looked like as a girl and fantasizing. I can remember having my barbie doll collection and how one man asked me why I had it and if it was for my sister and my mom gave him some excuse and I have always been embarrassed about it since then. I would hide in the clothes racks and pretend to wear women's clothing where nobody could see me when I was younger too. Later in life I thought it would go away if I just got a girlfriend. Well I have had 9 now and most of them didn't want to "date a girl". That really hurt me when the 6th and 7th ones said that to my face. I didn't mean too. I just cared so much for them and I always took my guard down around them because I'm very trusting and open-hearted and open-minded and I trust and care about people and relationships. I found one way to deal with my dysphoria was to make a female character on all of my games. (I'm a gamer) I know that sounds stupid, but hear me out... it was the one true way I could get away with expressing who I felt I really was inside. I could interact with other people who didnt see what gender i biologically was... When I look in the mirror I am horrified by what I see. It is not who I am in my dreams and not who I feel I am inside. I was raised in a home where I would always hear my parents talking down about some trans person in public and it makes me sad. I see on TV trans people in movies always being made fun of. I didn't know that I could just take some pills everyday that I could turn my gender into who I truly was. I have tried to cover it up with drugs, but nothing was satisfying enough to distract from the dysphoria. I have been treated for depression and have been presribed multiple things for adhd and clinical depression. I work at a car delearship and make ready lot and sold vehicles. I will make enough once I finish school and will be able to afford an apartment and my car payment along with my medicine. I am almost finished with college, I'm a senior. I'll be 23 this year in october. I have feminine legs already and my chest is not fully grown. My feet have grown a little bit in the past few weeks too. Just a little bit tho. I'm 5 '10 135 - 145lb guy. I have about 3% body fat so I feel I won't have to much trouble transitioning. It's mostly in my thighs if there's any fat anyways lol. I think my hips will widen a bit though if I start this year. I hope the medicine doesn't effect my appetite as I have a small eating disorder
I want to know if you guys think my face will change after a year or two on hrt enough to pass as a female?
This is me tonight
Do you guys think my face will pass after a year or two on the feminization stack? I will probably order it this week. ^^ so excited. I have to tell my parents so I have written a really good letter for them.
I'm also scared but I know that my work won't really care much if they find out. My boss is gay and has hired many LGBT people so I think it will all be okay.
I also come here in support because I know that if I go through with this my life is going to get crazy soon. I have to figure out if I want to be a rockstar, a recording studio engineer, or a live sound engineer for a band or church. >.< a lot of things to think about. And I really should do this now rather than later because I really don't want to be seen as a male. >. < it isn't how my brain works and I'm tired of acting an faking everything I do socially.... :,/
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Mod Edit- discussion of Self medication is against TOS 8
