Using analogies to help in acceptance of the choice

[mickey.megan]

when it comes to explaining to your spouse, partner, friend why they should accept your transition. What did you use? how did you explain that you need this?

I've heard the

- "If I were burned in a fire, would us leave me?" uhhh no... "OK so if I transitioned, why would you leave me?"
- "I would accept you if you came to me and wanted to change gender"
- "I'm the same person, my gender should not matter"
- "This is not a choice, I have to do this to be whole"
-  "Hypothetically if I were to come out, you would leave me, so I don't, this is why I would deny that I was trans-gender, hypothetically speaking"

what other things can one use, I'm trying to gently win my partners support of doing this so looking for tools to help with conversations around this. The challenge is doing it in a way that keeps her calm, she freaks out pretty easily.

Ideas?

[RobynD]

It's a medical and biological issue like any other. Just because we know a lot more about it then we did 50 yrs ago is irrelevant. I used some variation of all the ones you have listed here. Although my spouse never threatened or mentioned splitting up it was still many heartfelt conversations as to how we would live our lives together, once transition was on the table.

You can't control someone's emotions but you can address the cause of them. Calmly, cooly and lovingly.

[soon2b]

I personally would not use those anologies, they may invite a philosophical type argument.

Try this.

Believe me honey if I could snap my fingers and make this go away I would. I am torn because I know that my transition will happen or I will have something off in the inside that will keep me from being my happiest. I also absolutely do not want to lose you because I love you and cannot imagine my life without you. I know I have to leave the decision to you and give you time but I dearly hope that you choose to stay with me because you are all I have ever wanted and need.

You can absolutely not say something like this unless you truly mean it.

You have a choice to make, stick the transition back inside and most of us know what happens then. Go on with your transition and let the chips fall were they may hoping that she will stay. The way I see it, that is the only way it can play out, but she will have to be free to decide.
Ask yourself, if you do not transition how will you be inside. Is it possible that you will be so miserable that you windup chasing her away?

Then you must leave the decision to her and give her space. She might be thinking "I am not a lesbian" "Does he want a man" "What will others think" etc.

JMHO I truly hope everything works out for both of you.