are "trans-brella" issues nonsense?

[Phek]

pot thoughts here, but since i've never actually lived as a female, have never owned my very own vagina, cant menstruate, will never be able to give birth, etc, so it seems, at the very least, ill informed to assume I can say with any certainty 'i know i'm supposed to be x", 'x' being any experience outside my own, regardless of gender, age, flesh tone, or any other distinguishing feature/background.

all i know is i dont feel like how society says a "guy" should be, but since when does that mean i'm a chick? stereotypically, i feel more "female", in so far as my experience with women has shown me women to be, and opinions colored by media and other's opinions. i can never fully share in the experience of what it means to be a female in it's entirety, and as such i'll always strive for merely a shadow of that.

in effect, i dont know that i, at least, can ever say with full certainty that i'm trans-anything.  just that i'm non-cis and am drawn to the most preferable of the available options.

does anyone else ever have these thoughts?

[Ms Grace]

Being trans doesn't mean having to identify 100% with the "opposite gender". There are many trans non binary people who feel happy to express and identify their gender as somewhere along the spectrum. Even those who transition may not have a 100% identification with their gender.

[Deborah]

I don't think being trans is something that one is able to really put into words in a logical sequence of how you know.  For me it was just something I knew.  It was an inherent part of my core self as real as being alive.  It was not a desire to wear other clothes nor was it a desire to play other games although those feelings were present at times.  But they were fleeting.  The constant was that what I saw in the mirror and what I knew myself to be were not the same.  So how can you explain that to people?  I recognized my face but it was distorted from what my mind expected to see.  I could see and sense my body but the picture and the sensations were wrong.  They did not match what I just inherently knew to be true.

Even now none of this fully makes sense to me on a rational level.  But having lived it for so long I know that it is very real on a metaphysical level beyond what anyone who hasn't experienced it can grasp.



Sapere Aude

[suzifrommd]

My gender therapist strongly discourages trying to label myself. She says it's more important to figure out how I want to live.

[Asche]

I would never claim to know "what it's like to be a woman."  (Side note: there's no one "what it's like to be a woman", each woman's experience is different.  Plus: intersectionality.)

I do know that I've never liked being stuck in what I think of as the "male prison," I've never been any good at being what a boy/man is supposed to be, and (maybe because of that, maybe not) ever since I was a teen-ager, I've been repulsed by what I see in the mirror.

I won't claim that when I finish transitioning I'll really be a woman (whatver that means.)  Nor am I confident that women will accept me as being really a woman.  But if people basically treat me the way they'd treat a woman and accept my not acting like a man, I think I'll be okay with it.

Also, to kind of echo what Deborah said, being trans is about an experience that there are no words in our (cis-centric) language for.  It's like trying to explain what it's like to see a rainbow to someone from a world where everyone is blind.  Even if they're scientists and know what wavelengths of light are, they still won't get the experience and they'll think you're addled.


BTW, I would also argue that there is no one trans experience.  It's not just that we end up using different words, it's also that even if we end up doing the same thing (transitioning), it probably comes from different places.  For instance, I'm guessing that if Deborah and I could have some sort of telepathic link so we could directly experience what the other is experiencing, we would see that my trans experience is not hers, and vice versa.

[Tristyn]

Being trans doesn't mean having to identify 100% with the "opposite gender". There are many trans non binary people who feel happy to express and identify their gender as somewhere along the spectrum. Even those who transition may not have a 100% identification with their gender.

^^^Good point here by Ms. Grace.

I am definitely one of those trans non binary guys. Just because I identify as a man doesn't mean I have quite a flourishing feminine side, so to speak. Don't forget about the non binary/gender nonconforming guys and gals out there or however they identify! XD



-Phoenix

[Deborah]

For instance, I'm guessing that if Deborah and I could have some sort of telepathic link so we could directly experience what the other is experiencing, we would see that my trans experience is not hers, and vice versa.

i agree.  While I think the intrinsic self knowledge is probably identical the actual lived experience is going to differ greatly.  This can be due to individual personalities, individual talents and weaknesses, and accumulated life experience in upbringing, schooling, environment, etc.  we are after all each unique persons, just like everybody else that has ever existed on this earth.


Sapere Aude

[Dayta]

in effect, i dont know that i, at least, can ever say with full certainty that i'm trans-anything.  just that i'm non-cis and am drawn to the most preferable of the available options.

You've hit on it when you say you're non-cis.  It's when you try to find a word to describe yourself and there isn't one, you feel like you have to change.  It's not YOU that's wrong, it's a failure of words, a failure of society to accept you.  Try to worry less about how to describe yourself and focus more on how you want to BE. 

[Maybebaby56]

I would never claim to know "what it's like to be a woman."

I do know that I've never liked being stuck in what I think of as the "male prison," I've never been any good at being what a boy/man is supposed to be, and (maybe because of that, maybe not) ever since I was a teen-ager, I've been repulsed by what I see in the mirror.

I won't claim that when I finish transitioning I'll really be a woman (whatver that means.)  Nor am I confident that women will accept me as being really a woman.  But if people basically treat me the way they'd treat a woman and accept my not acting like a man, I think I'll be okay with it.

Very well put, Asche.   This sums it up very nicely for me.

I was actually pretty good at being a boy, I think. Although I was never "repulsed" by my self-image, I never really liked it or wanted it either, and I constantly dreamed of being female.

~Terri