Dealing with The Wait

[November Fox]

I´ve been presenting as male for four months and with success. I have a low voice, facial hair and a square build (that I accentuate with my clothes), and never get misgendered (except on paper...).

I´m probably lucky that I pass. At the same time though, the more male I feel, the more frustrated I get with the wait time. I´ve heard differing accounts of guys in my country about wait for HRT. Some say couple of months, for others it has been half a year, for others a year and for some others more.

Guys have suggested that I don´t expect anything, but that´s not feasible for me. To stay mentally sane I have to tell myself "it´s probably six months" (which is the minimum). I bet a lot of guys on here are currently on some kind of waiting list to start talks or T. Do you have any coping strategies or advice?

[FtMitch]

I have been having this problem lately.  I am almost four months on T and am just starting to see more significant changes (ones that people besides me notice, like a drop in my voice).  This is actually making me MORE dysphoric because I still don't pass and the wait is really driving me nuts.  I just wish I could fast forward time to a point where I am not stuck "in between" physically.  I wish I could tell you how to deal with it, but I'm not doing such a great job myself--it's making me pretty depressed to be getting misgendered so much.  I know that three months and three weeks isn't actually that long on T, but it feels like forever, and I also find myself worrying about what I will look like at six months and onward.  Just know that I commiserate with you, my friend!

[FTMax]

There is a recent thread someone else posted on how dysphoria shifts over time. While I don't think things got worse for me as time went on, I think the intensity has been different at every stage and especially when there's a wait.

The only actual wait I've been subject to since starting to medically transition was to get my bottom surgery referrals. My doctor would not write them until I had officially been on T for a year, as she wanted to comply with the WPATH standards. So I had to wait for that appointment for 4 months. I also wasn't allowed to make an appointment with the PhD level professional until I had the first letter, and his schedule was booked 2 months out. I have them all now, and am starting to make progress towards bottom surgery, but it was definitely rough for me. I had not had any kind of timelines imposed on me up to that point since starting to transition, and it was tough to make a mental switch.

As far as coping strategies and advice, just make the most of the time you have. It's good that you're already passing consistently. For anyone reading this in a similar situation that is not passing consistently, that is what I would spend your time working on (if passing is important to you/your situation). I'd also recommend spending time researching your next steps. I'm fairly ignorant of what the nationalized options are in other countries, but it's always good to have an idea of what options are available in terms of future surgery goals. It gives you something to focus on, and there's really no end to the amount of information out there.

[Kylo]

Been trying to use the time to get fitter and healthier so they'll have less to pull me up on later.

Although honestly I lose days and weeks sometimes to episodes of total disgust which take a while to pick up from.

[Tysilio]

Another good strategy for coping with wait times is to get involved in the community. Join a group that's working for change, and find ways you can be an activist for trans issues. It feels great to be doing something that will not only benefit you, but will make a difference in the lives of other trans people.

It's a way of working toward your own goals without being totally focused on you, you, you...  which is a healthy thing, IMO.

[November Fox]

I have been having this problem lately.  I am almost four months on T and am just starting to see more significant changes (ones that people besides me notice, like a drop in my voice).  This is actually making me MORE dysphoric because I still don't pass and the wait is really driving me nuts. 

Thanks dude  We all get dealt the gender stuff unevenly haha. You´re on T and still dysphoric because your physique changes slowly and I´m not on T and dysphoric because I still run on estrogen.

There is a recent thread someone else posted on how dysphoria shifts over time. While I don't think things got worse for me as time went on, I think the intensity has been different at every stage and especially when there's a wait.

I read the thread (think I also posted in it. Something similar to above). The dysphoria I had previously concerning specific parts has largely evaporated since I found practical solutions. Now the dysphoria seems to have been more generalized like getting tired of tiny muscles (my muscles won´t do anything beyond a certain small width  ).

Another good strategy for coping with wait times is to get involved in the community. Join a group that's working for change, and find ways you can be an activist for trans issues. It feels great to be doing something that will not only benefit you, but will make a difference in the lives of other trans people.

Yeah this is a very good idea. I´m already involved in a community but not been very active lately. I broke some bones in my foot and I´m glued to my house until they´re cured. It´s a good thing to pick up after I can walk on two feet.

[Brotinn]

I'm currently playing the waiting game as well. I'm pre-t and in therapy edging ever closer to getting my referral letter, but have yet to find a doctor. I also don't pass at all, despite all of my attempts, which definitely adds to my dysphoria and bogs me down a lot of the time.

There isn't much I can do yet in regards to getting on T other than wait so I'm trying to spend that time being productive and staying positive/hopeful. I've started working out to try to lose feminine features (read: curves). I know it's a big part of why I don't pass. I've struggled to find motivation to do so for a long time, before realizing I'm trans, but I think the desire to have a lean, fit, masculine body is what's helping drive me now. I also know that T will only make it easier, so I look forward to that day.
If I'm having a bad day and I haven't done so already, I will shave (even though it's just peach fuzz) but the act itself makes me feel more "manly" and gives me the practice. If I'm able, I'll also go shopping for men's clothes because it strangely helps, even if I'm just browsing for stuff I can wear "someday."
I also try to get myself excited for therapy days each week because I know it means I'm one step closer to my goal.
I also like to watch FtM YouTubers. It helps me see where others have started and seeing their amazing transformations gives me hope and helps stave off feeling down. I always feel like, "someday I will be there and everything will be better."