Suicide after transition

[cindianna_jones]

dear Cindi I wouldn't say that was not an attempt.

Perhaps it's just a matter of semantics. Had I pulled the trigger, it would have been an attempt had I just shot the front of my face off and survived. Oh... I am so happy I decided to call my mother.

I still have bad thoughts creep in from time to time. What I do is get online. I come here. Or I go check my bank statements to see how well I'm doing. Good numbers cheer me up. I can see the same numbers for days on end and if they get better by only a few dollars, I get cheesy happy. Am I obsessed? A little. But I know what triggers my sad times and what improves my mood. Meeting my goals and objectives is a positive way to lift my spirits. I suppose there are other ways for different people. But at the base of happiness is achievement of some kind. Some things you can hope for and some you can plan. I choose to plan. And planning to call my mom is now one of my priorities when I'm feeling mushy.

Cindi

[Kizzy]

I am so sad to read this. When we're depressed, we focus so much on the bad things. Sometimes, it's very hard to see the good that does exist in our lives. I implore you (or anyone considering the self-termination route) to reach out for support. No, it's not too much to ask for help.

If you're in the US or Canada you can call Trans Lifeline for help.

[galaxy]

Thanks for yor answers. But my plans are fixed.
This life is not worth to live. In no detail. On the other side. It was a attempt. I was trying it. Nobody can say i wasnt try it. I had and i lose. Thats the game. You set everything on a card a play. Results are open.

Congratulations to all winners outthere.
This is a loser. A alltime-loser.

[stephaniec]

sorry

[jacintaandrews]

Thanks for yor answers. But my plans are fixed.
This life is not worth to live. In no detail. On the other side. It was a attempt. I was trying it. Nobody can say i wasnt try it. I had and i lose. Thats the game. You set everything on a card a play. Results are open.

Congratulations to all winners outthere.
This is a loser. A alltime-loser.

Hi Galaxy,

I would love to chat with you and get to know you better.

Please don't give up.

My Skype is jacinta_2017 or my email is j_andrews@hotmail.com

I am here for you.

I hope to speak to you soon.

[Janine]

Galaxy don't ever give up. If you didn't want to live, you wouldn't have posted this. Everyone here supports you. Your life isn't a waste. How can you say you lost when the game isn't over?

[Felix]

I know this is morbid but if you don't have any other reasons to live you could consider that people will correctly see your body as female if you wait long enough to make enough changes. I want my corpse to be seen as male by casual observers and that alone has kept me alive long enough to find other reasons to want to be here.

Good luck. Don't forget most people post their very best pictures and people who aren't lucky do their best to minimize their gender discrepancies before posting. It's not as easy for anyone as it looks.

[WallabyWallop]

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
1 (800) 273-8255

Galaxy, seriously, call that number right now if you're even thinking about committing suicide!

It's never worth it and you ARE worth it!

Also, if it's being pretty you're worried about, find a friend who is good at makeup. This is what I look like without makeup and wig (you also can't see where I'm balding in this shot, although I'm totally balding):



Nothing but smoke and mirrors, girl. Make-up is a magical thing. Heck, even the boobs in my profile pic? Pasties and a bra. Just an illusion.

If you're a newbie like I am, do what I did and go to a MAC (or similar company) make-up counter and get swatched to determine your skin type and color tone. The makeup artists there are miracle workers and are great at finding the right formula (and to my understanding, MAC at least, is very inclusive about gender-identity).

I wear make-up when I want to conform to society's views on what a "pretty" woman should look like, not to define myself as a woman. Because I don't need those things to be a woman, because that's simply who I am.

If you don't have any, message me with somewhere you're comfortable for me to send a package to and I'll ship some your way. Or get swatched first so we know what works and I'll try to personalize it to your skin tone.

But please, please don't end your life.

Galaxy, please. We're a bunch of strangers on the internet and even we care enough about you for you to not end your life this way.

Please don't 

[blepharoplasty]

Galaxy, reach out and find you a TS, to become close friends. You need another post srs to guide and assist you based on her experiences. Remember the greatest gift for you is to be yourself. Find other options, solutions for your medical/physical issues you arw experiencing. So sorry for your dilemma. Suicide is not your answer. Prayer and love your way.

[galaxy]

The point is that i was giving up my complete old life. Transpeople have to do it. I took all my money i safed for later to realise surgeries and other expensive things. I all set these into my poker cache for "gaming" and i always said to myself - you only keep if its good.

And then, the last years, i got problem after problem. With my hormones and the blood levels, massivly with my hair, with my bodyshape, my skin, my acne, my breast augementation ... After SRS a lot of new problems. I wished i had never done these damned SRS. My whole blood levels go crazy actually. I never will find peace with that <not allowed>. I had massive hairloss after SRS. Now i take Androcur again. SRS is the total nightmare to me.

My other surgeries ended up with very bad results. My breast looks terrible, same with my nose. Every step to get more feminine was a total desaster to me. Hormones, OPs ... My whole transition is a nightmare and a fight against my body. Ive no power anymore.

And then ... You always see the other girls. With long hair, nice breasts ... Hips, buts. Nice legs and nice, feminine faces. How should i feel? Happy? After losing all? Money, power, dreams, hope, friends ... Theres nothing left. I hoped to have a female body at the end. Something feminine. Only a little, little bit attractive. Transition was my ruin. In every way.

[stephaniec]

sorry your having such a hard time

[galaxy]

Look at here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,179354.1900.html

So much happy faces, beautyful faces, nice bodies. So much changes for everyone.
But not for me. Life is an <not allowed>.

Better a short life than suffering year by year and fading away.

[stephaniec]

Look at here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,179354.1900.html

So much happy faces, beautyful faces, nice bodies. So much changes for everyone.
But not for me. <not allowed>.

Better a short life than suffering year by year and fading away.

so where is your picture?

[galaxy]

You will find it here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,179354.1860.html

[stephaniec]

You will find it here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,179354.1860.html

the photo is backed out

Me after 3 years and postop

[galaxy]

Sure. Theres nothing to see.
Iam not pretty or anything. Outside people always looking at me. Ive no idea why they do it but it feels not good to me. Maybe they want me for a zoo park.

[KayXo]

I had massive hairloss after SRS. Now i take Androcur again. SRS is the total nightmare to me.

Did Androcur help?

Transition was my ruin. In every way.

Sorry to hear. Maybe, you just need some time off, relax, forget about all this, about you and just live regardless, stop trying to be this or that but JUST BE.

[stephaniec]

Take no offense please if I'm going to be brutally honest here, but I've see the pictures of your face ad body. Your face is very pretty , more feminine than mine and your body has a feminine curve. Your body isn't like Kim Kardashian's body , but not too many girls have a body like that.

[galaxy]

Yes Androcur helped. It was the only thing ever had any effect to me.

I cant live this way. My body is a prison. I feel like an animal at the zoo. Dont feed!
Iam very lonely. People dont know how to handle me. Man or woman, freak, whatever ...

I wake up, go to the bathroom, look at me in the mirror and my day is over.
Everyday.

[galaxy]

Take no offense please if I'm going to be brutally honest here, but I've see the pictures of your face ad body. Your face is very pretty , more feminine than mine and your body has a feminine curve. Your body isn't like Kim Kardashian's body , but not too many girls have a body like that.

Dont know what you mean ...