The more time gone by, the more Im thinking about transitioning

[jaybutterfly]

I thought coming out would help, it hasnt changed how I feel. I thought being on anti depressants would help. Everything except him utter disdain at my male body and my issues with my gender have almost completely gone, while I feel like this feeling my body is wrong and I hate it have become more noticeable in the abscence of the depression.

Lately, thoughts have been crossing my mind of looking into banking my sperm, laser hair removal and hormone blockers and/or estrogen, and this has been for a few months now. I know I want kids biologically, and I thought that that was a strong enough reason to stop me needing to change anything, but its not, not anymore.

Really, Im terrified of the idea of becoming infertile, Im terrified I wont pass, or I will be kicked out of all my social groups, my family and be barred from changing rooms, the karate club I go to (its mixed ages with young kids and families). I used to tell myself things like 'oh yeah will if I transition I wont be able to compete in sports I like and I'd get physically weaker so I would get worse at what I love doing.' I now realize Ive been making loads of excuses.

I just feel awful about this, I might go back to the doctors and see if theres anything they'll believe now that this isnt depression talking. I think I'm going to try for a support group and see what happens, but Im feeling more vulnerable now than before I even came out of the closet

[HappyMoni]

Have you talked to a gender therapist? It could really benefit you to talk to someone who is familiar with the issue. I feel for you. I can relate to all the fears and the confusion. I wonder how many people out there think gender dysphoria will be handled by taking a step or two. I wouldn't freak out if you have to explore your feelings deeper. The feelings can be so powerful. Sorry you are in such pain.
Moni

[jaybutterfly]

I've looked around, asked my GP and theres nobody nearby or anyone that any of the doctors at my practice know of who can. I was sent to the psychiatrist and was met with absolute denial that I could be trans

'you have depression, youre more likely just trying to escape your life'
'youre probably just gay (I never said I liked men, so I have no idea why she'd say that)
'I dont believe you at all'

I was the put on to CBT. I explained to that therapist what was going on and they were a lot more sympathetic, but couldnt find anyone for me to talk to.

I know of one thats over in Manchester and Im in Blackpool. Thing is, I dont have the money to afford going to see them very often so Im a bit stuck on what to do

[AnonyMs]

I'd make a post with the title asking if there's any therapists in your area. Perhaps someone will see it who can give you advice.

Don't put too much weight on what a psych with no gender experience tells you. They are infamous for saying stupid things like that.

[HappyMoni]

Dear Jaybutterfly
     You must be frustrated. It sounds like they have no clue about what you are really dealing with. I wonder if there are any LGBTQ groups in the area that could make a suggestion of someone to see. Could you contact the person in Manchester to see if they know anyone closer to you? AnonyMs had a good idea. I have seen a number of people from the U.K. on the boards here. They may have a better idea of how the medical system works as well.
     Please stay firm in knowing that your feelings don't mean you are crazy or a bad person in any way.
Hang in there and good luck. Hope to hear that you find some answers.
Moni