Missing Out

[Danielle94]

     Has anyone else had a moment where you think of all of the things you missed out on? I'm 21 right now, and I know that's still really young, but I just have these moments where I think of all of the things I didn't get to experience because of random chance, and I get really depressed/upset. I feel like it won't be so bad once I can afford to start transitioning, but right now it's kind of a sore spot..

[sara.lynn]

To be honest I've always felt the same way,  but wouldn't change anything if I could redo it all.

You know what they say.  Hindsight is 20 20.

[emoji6]

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[cheryl reeves]

I'm a weird one for I have lived life too the fullest with no regrets..I count myself lucky for I got to play in the man's world and passed as male,had to grow facial hair though to pass....I've never needed therapy for I face my problems head on,then I move on til another problem arises...I was forced into therapy for 3yrs when I was 13 to16 I just sat their for my 30 mins and left without saying much,they were trying too find out why I was so mean,see by me being mean I was a threat too bullies and the school couldn't handle that their bullies were given a beating by me...I don't need a quack telling me what's wrong for I know what's wrong,being a girl but being forced to be a boy,I later understood why,it was to make me strong enough to tell the world to f off for its my life and I'm going too live my life..I'm lucky too have a supportive spouse who loves Cheryl and tries too be friends with her.

[Deborah]

I feel like that sometimes.  But I don't really feel any regrets for what I have done in life given the circumstances.  I have gotten to experience some really neat things and places and have done one thing that really did make a difference.  For that last thing I am grateful


Sapere Aude

[Danielle94]

     It's really nice to actually be able to talk to other people about this. I live in Texas, so more often than not I kind of feel alone, and that's why I was really excited when I found this site. I tried joining an LGBT support group about a year ago, but I left after about a month or two because I was the only transgender person there.

[cheryl reeves]

I live in Texas also and used too many yrs ago I was part of a tg group and left when transexuals joined, for they wanted the group to gay bar's and were pushing hormones. I can't stand pushy people,seen alot of cders go on hormones because being trans was so cool and they couldn't figure why their wives were leaving them.Me and my wife knew why divorces were being ramped up,some wives are cool with the cd part but not cool with the hormones.

[suzifrommd]

It's easy to go down that road, to think about how wonderful life would be if we were born cis the way we should have been.

That's part of our journey: Learning to love ourselves and our lives as we are. It's the same journey that people with disabilities, disadvantages, and misfortunes must take.

Trans people are beautiful. We enrich the world by our mere presence. We see the world from all sides of a gendered world that most people see half of at most.

There is a lot to love about ourselves.

[Danielle94]

I know I should try to be more positive, but there are some days where it's Incredibly hard and bordering on the impossible. I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety, so my mentality on the bad days is "what can I put myself down for today?". On the upside, I'm pretty lucky when it comes to friends and family. So far no one has said anything negative and my mother, brother, and sister weren't surprised when I came out. The only person I'm really worried about is my dad, but I'm saving that issue until I actually start therapy.

[Ms Grace]

Be wary of falling for the "Grass Is Greener Syndrome". Sure it would have been psychologically more congruent had we been born with a body that matched our identified gender but any belief that things would have been "better" runs the risk of becoming a confected fantasy. I know genetic women who have had horrific childhoods (rape, incest, sexual abuse and assault), and even most cis women who have had pretty good lives would say that being a girl was no bed of roses. Same on the flip side for the guys. No point having regrets or playing "could have been/should have been", it will only weigh you down and make you miserable. Focus on the now and moving forward with your life - things have not been great in the past for the majority of trans people but the question is how do we make the best of that and improve the life we do have and will have?

[Alice Rogers]

     Has anyone else had a moment where you think of all of the things you missed out on? I'm 21 right now, and I know that's still really young, but I just have these moments where I think of all of the things I didn't get to experience because of random chance, and I get really depressed/upset. I feel like it won't be so bad once I can afford to start transitioning, but right now it's kind of a sore spot..

The life you have lived up until this point make you the person you are now, savour your past experiences and look forward to the future, if I hadn't spent 30 odd years pretending to be a bloke I wouldn't have 2 beautiful kids! (who both call me mum now incidentally!)

[Danielle94]

Waiting isn't that bad I guess, and it seems like I get more optimistic about the future every day. On the upside, I haven't even started therapy and I mostly get referred to as "she" and "her" by strangers. My brother and sister have also been referring to me as "Dani", which has really helped a lot.

[lionheart]

I think a lot of my regret comes from not coming out when I was younger. I knew that I was transgender basically my whole life and even discovered the term pretty early, like 10 or 11. When I was really little I used to always tell my mom that I wanted to be a boy, but I guess she just didn't really think anything of it. But by the time I could really grasp the concept and had a word to associate with it, there was no reason for me not to come out. I literally have no idea what took me so long and I always get mad at myself for it.

I still am pretty young to be able to transition for which I'm eternally grateful, but I feel like socialization is still a lot more difficult for me than normal because I spent so much of my life living as a girl and socializing as a girl, so now I don't quite know how to act around other guys. Even around girls I often feel like I have something to prove and I'm not masculine enough.

[Anxo]

Yeah, I do think about all the things I could've done or been if I was born cis. I could've made a lot of guy friends in high school and just have so many fun experiences. But there's time and still so much to look forward to so I don't really worry about it anymore :-) especially if we are making the effort to live happy and authentically, everything will turn out alright and at least we're doing it, you know? Even if it isn't fair but you just gotta look on the brightside